Day by day, again

Going through the motions

I have begun to realize that my journal is therapeutic. Just being able to put down some things on my mind helps me to feel better. For some reason this holiday season has had me doing much soul searching and not liking what I found. I have realized that I go through the motions of life but do not truly participate in it. I work, I come home, I do chores, I pay the bills, and I sleep. I watch TV, chat online in one particular chat room, and read blogs of the causes I support which I do enjoy. But....I am not happy. It has been so long since I have been happy that I truly cannot remember when it was. What comes to mind is that I am tired. Tired of the day to day trials of life. There is so little joy in my life that it feels like all I do is go through the motions of living.

I don't know if what it is that needs to change but I suppose something does. I hope I figure it out soon. Why is it so difficult to find any happiness in my life? Depressed? Yes, a problem I have had for years. But even when I am not depressed there doesn't seem to be any happiness there.

I am just so tired of life as it is.