the years just roll on by

the fiancee

José


         It was almost 4am, he couldn’t believe he’d been here for nearly 4 hours, as he stood outside he looked up at the dark sky, the falling snow as it hit his face.  He wished he could say he regretted it, but he didn’t really, he’d never cheated on any of his girlfriends; he never really saw the need.  This weekend had made things rather complicated for him, the main reason he’d actually come here was to tell his parents about Sandra, they’d been together since his sophomore year.  He never told his parents about his relationships, so he wasn’t sure how to introduce Sandra to them, especially since they were engaged…


How do you marry one woman when you just had sex with another one?  Especially if that other girl was his high school sweethearts little sister, and he’d also talked about how great and wonderful Mili was to Sandra.  Why had he ever talked about Mili to begin with?  Frustrated he kicked sending some snow flying,


“Damn, take your anger out on our porch why don’t you?” he hadn’t heard the door opening, he turned, saw Mili leaning on the door.


“I knew you’d be beating yourself up over this, I didn’t think you’d still be here though”


“What you doing up?”


“Couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d clear my mind” she lighted her smoke and took a drag, blew it out without looking at him.


“You never goanna quit” he barked, angry and not knowing what to do, he ran a frustrated hand in his hair


“It’s hard, soothes me though” they stayed quiet like that for a while, he looked down at the snow, “Stop kicking yourself over it, you know I wanted to, you don’t have to tell your girlfriend about it…people make mistakes”


“But…” ‘it didn’t feel like a mistake’ was what he wanted to say, instead “Am getting married, that’s why I came this weekend…” he looked at her face as her hands dropped to her side, he could see the shocked clearly on her face.


“Wow” she looked down, up, then bit her lips, that was her agitated expression, as her fingers flex open then closed he knew she was angry and trying to keep calm.  “Wow, I didn’t actually think you were that serious about her” she laughed shackily, “I thought…I thou..that uh maybe the engagement would…” his heart twisted seeing the confused, uncertain look on her face


“Yeah…I hadn’t thought so either” he knew she hated people seeing her cry, ‘weak’ was what she called it, so he tried to look somewhere else.


“It would of helped if uh…I dunno, you tried telling me this from the git-go”


“Shit Mili, I don’t really know what to say, I could make some excuse, but truth is for once…I just wanted to lose myself, not always wonder”


“So, you’ve been wondering?” she grinned, he knew she wanted to make light of situation, he went to her, stepped on the cigarette


“Your mom will do more than kick your ass if your burn her house down” he whispered looking down at her, her took her hands, kissed the knuckles, then he leaned down and kissed her.  It was a sweet kiss, sweet with so much passion, words they wouldn’t say to each other were transferred in that kiss.


“I wish I could make this another one of our…” touching her cheek, “I’m sorry Mili”


“Don’t make it worse…don’t apologize” he heard her muffled reply


“I-I”


“I know” he could hear her voice trembling, he’d only seen her crying once, when he had left for college, she had gone to drop him off with her family, grabbed onto him and cried.  He’d reassured her that he would come every weekend, and every weekend he went, even when his friends planned a party.  It was close to 6 yrs ago when he had broken that promise, the night he’d been introduced to Sandra.


         He hugged her tight, she didn’t respond at first, then she hugged him tight, hid her face on him as he felt her tiny body wracking, he knew she was crying


         “I love you” he didn’t know how to soothe her, hell his feelings were in turmoil...how he’d come to hurt the one person that meant so much to him, he didn’t know.  In his mind, he was protecting her, yet himself too, he wouldn’t be able to accept her being with anyone else, he just couldn’t accept the one or two week relationship that she offered, had he not gone through that with Lina? 


         “It’s not so brotherly when you say it after what happened...” she pushed him away, opened the door and closed the door behind her.  His heart felt so heavy, because he had hurt her, and because he hadn’t meant it to be in any shape or form brotherly…





Mili





         She couldn’t believe he was getting married, that she’d made love with him.  Sure, she knew that that she didn’t regret it, but her heart just hurt so much, because with his marriage she truly would lose him.  Going to college had distanced them, but the once in a while that he showed up made up for it.  He’d tell her everything in little time they had together and also would tell him of her life, ask him for advice, hold him…


         Even when he came on the weekend, he never spent time with his parents, all his time was basically spent with her, Lina always asked if he was coming, and if he was, she wasn’t showing up for that weekend.  She seemed to want to ignore him like he was the plague, Mili wondered at times if it was possible that Lina still liked him, wouldn’t that just be a trip!  Here she was, completely and totally in love with Jose, they’d be a pair of sisters if they both were in love with the same guy.











Lina





         She knew Jose was coming this weekend, Mili probably thought she still liked him, and perhaps it seemed that way, but she was way over Jose, way over.  She remember when she and Jose had broken up, about a year later Jose had come to visit, she had seen the way Mili stared at him and the way he stared at her.  Almost everyone else knew, but they didn’t, the guys Mili dated where just like Jose in looks, built, height, and hair.  She wondered if she seriously had been so enamored of Jose that she hadn’t noticed the electricity between the two, it was so obvious, she felt so stupid.  At first she had been really angry at Mili, at Jose, but then she realized neither were doing anything about it, whether aware or not, and a part of her couldn’t help but feel bad for them.  A part of her believed the two destined for one another, and she also believed her presence would make it hard for either of them to realize that.