the years just roll on by

dont leave me

4 Months later





Jose





He was getting married to Sandra on June, a good 6 months later, because he was starting to sweat it.  His parents had of course been angry with him for not telling them of his 1 year engagement to Sandra, but they had met her and liked her, he knew they would.  Sandra was a good girl, kind hearted and open, smart to boot but when it came to clothes and her looks she was ditzy and crazy fun.  He liked her, and l-loved her, right? Of course!


         He couldn’t get over finding out that Mili had moved away, apparently she had found a job in Philly and decided it would be best for her.  Yes he assumed it was about time for her to leave the nest, so to speak, but for her to not even tell him about it was just crazy!  He had come to visit and had been confronted by Lina who looked about ready to pop him like a hot air balloon.


         “So you getting married huh?” she had stood at the door not letting him in, arms crossed over her chest, green eyes blazing, beautiful as an Angel.  Yet, he had felt impassive about her, and he wondered what he had seen in her, yea she was beautiful, but was he so shallow?  Sure she was a nice girl, but they clashed so much in personality that he didn’t understand how they had broken up and kept getting back together.  Mili for sure was at the root of everything, he realized, Mili had been the one that mended things between the two, until he moved away.  He had kept getting back together with Lina because Mili hadn’t wanted to see her sister hurt, and he hadn’t wanted to see her hurt.  Mili who pretended to be tough, kind hearted, sweet Mili…


         “I can’t believe you would marry some tramp! What are you stupid?  I know it’s you, you’re the only goddamned idiot she’d want to protect!” and with that the door had been slammed shut in his face, he didn’t know what she was talking about, but he had later found out Mili had long been gone, his parents told him that she had come by to say goodbye to them, he could already envision his mother crying.  His mother loved Mili, somehow she had unknowingly become part of the family, he found out from his mother that Mili usually came over the weekend and helped around the house, or they would even cook together.  Mili not being there anymore made him realize how big a part of his life, his families, she had become.


         Impatient, he waited for someone to pick up the phone, Mili’s parents had giving him her number the minute he’d asked for it.  Perhaps it was cruel of him, but he didn’t want to get married without Mili around, somehow it wouldn’t be real…


         “Hello?” a male’s groggy voice answered, and he felt his heart sink and his stomach drop.  Of course she’d have a boyfriend, why hadn’t he thought of it, She was beautiful, inside and out, why wouldn’t any guy want her…but after they had…no, he was getting married wasn’t he, so why shouldn’t she move on with her life?  It had already been 5 months since they had been together, he couldn’t expect her to mope around for him, which was definitely nothing like Mili.          


         “Hi…uh…can I speak to Mili please?” he felt like he was choking on those words alone


         “Who this?”


         “Jose”


         “Ey yo babes…you know somebody name…you said Jose?” the guy asked, there was something funny about the way he asked, as if he couldn’t believe it, had Mili talked about him to her new boyfriend?


         “Hello? Hello, Ty hang up da’ phone, hello, Jose?” she sounded good, breathless, then he heard her laugh, “Damn, just ran out da shower, ha ha ha, Jose!”


         “Hey…how you doing Mili, just found out you moved away”


         “You just found out I moved away? I left like 3 months ago! What you ain’t returned home till now? Ha ha ha, running are we?”


         “Seem to me you ran farther than I did, I don’t want to talk about this…I miss you…I mean, I want to see you, I could swing over your place…”


         “No! no no, um today’s not a good day…”


         “Then tomo…”


         “Jose when’s your wedding?”


         “In 6 months, but…”


         “Six months! That’s great! Great! Wow, you’re goanna be a married man! Ha ha ha” she sounded fake, his heart broke, or perhaps he was full of himself and wanted to think she missed him


         “I want to see you…meet Sandra”


         “I wish I could say I want to see her, but I don’t, give me time to get over…”


         “Seems to me you already over it” was he being harsh, sure he sounded it, sure he was angry, was it selfish of him? Perhaps, it was a matter of having your cake and eating it too.  She didn’t say anything for a while


         “I-I’ll keep in touch, I will be at your wedding, I won’t miss it for the world…just remember this is just  our rocky moment, we need time to find our footing, to know where we stand, be-be-because I still love you Jose…beep beep beep” he realized she had hung up, unsure of what to say,  what to do, he gazed at the phone, but wasn’t really seeing it, his eyes felt misty…he hadn’t cried since he was 5..


         “Baby, baby are you okay?” he quickly blinked his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose


         “Y-yea, ough” he cleared his throat, and turned to her with a smile, her blue eyes stared at him, so unlike Mili’s lively eyes; tiny pink lips, unlike Mili’s full soft wide ones; tiny with soft little curves, unlike Mili’s tall, strong frame, her curves, muscles, tight stomach…he couldn’t believe he was thinking about somebody else with his fiancé’s adoring eyes staring at him. He went to her, wrapped his arm around her neck, hugging her, unsure she wrapped her arms around his waist.


         “I love you you know, I know I don’t tell you enough, but I do…so don’t leave me” he couldn’t believe he had said that, he had never thought of himself as a jackass until now.


         “Of course I won’t leave you, I love you too, honey what’s wrong?”


         “Nothing…”