PinkBubbles

.........

While the dust settles
and til the air clears
I might just disappear
but my heart remains here

It is hard to walk away from something you love, even if you have known it only for such a short time. I signed on for this site never imagining how important it would become to me. I not only rekindled my love for the written word, but I learned so much about myself. Perhaps the biggest surprise was the connection I built with a few people on here.

I felt I was at home, like I belonged as I became more and more involved in this site and the activities. I grew as a writer and as a giver of knowledge as I reviewed others work and added my thoughts about what the wrote. i learned from some of the best poets and was challenged by other great writers. These people became my family and WDC, quickly, became 'home'. I may have been zealous in my pursuit to take in all that this site had to offer, running quickly to each interesting group or activity. I may have striven to be the best I could be and that may have made me some enemies. I was confronted by people who questioned my motives and some who even started talking about me to others, jading their view of me. I watched as some people listened to others and turned away from me, even though I knew not what I did...ever, to anyone of them to cause such spite. I started to stick up for myself and found that my words could be so twisted, whether it by one's wrong interpretation or the receiver of those words unwillingness to see how they might have been wrong.

I suffered through a suicide attempt of my youngest daughter. As she lie in ICU for three days, I went to a friend I 'met' here for comfort. It was such a terrible thing to have to live through and if not for this wonderful soul...I may have been alone. This was not something I wished to share with too many people in my 3D world. For a couple of months, my daughter was my muse and all I could write about was her. I had a place to write though and the support of a community of strangers.

My mission here was to reach out to others in any way I could. I would see someone with a 'sad siggy' and would mail them without knowing if they would be receptive or not, as that is what I would hope for. I ran from auction to auction and activity to activity relishing in the creativity of the people who created them. I would offer to help whoever I could. I was unable to work after the hospitalization of my daughter, I had to be home in case something happened....this became my haven.

My haven has turned into somewhat of a hell for me right now.

I want people to know I am no better of a person because I reached number 1 one month on the review boards (yes, it was a goal), nor am I better than anyone because I have a higher number than some in recognition, if that were the case then that would mean anyone with higher recognition was better than me. I really hope those who feel this defines them as a person comes back to reality. You are not an excellent person inside because you talk a good game or you have many letters dedicated to you in your port, you are not the better person because you gift people stuff or hold a yellow, blue, or even purple case. You are not above another because you feel your have more WDC friends. This site is not a competition. It should be everyone working together. If someone succeeds and perhaps surpasses you at some point in any of their endeavors, why not be happy for that person? I am sorry, but my own worth is not determined by Your successes or failures. My self worth is defined by Me. I set goals for myself and I strive to be a certain type of person. I am not infallible by any means. I stumble and fall often. I get up though and forgive myself, make amends if need be, and walk on.