"Her"

Forgiveness

"I hadn't been in my mom's house for over a year. I wonder if it was all an act. If they were pretending." I told Her.

I'm sure you already know if it is. One way or another.

"People talk about forgiveness. But I don't think I know what that means. Does it mean you just forget how someone's treated you, and just move on?"

It's not realistic to strive for forgetting any wrong that someone has done to you. But allowing yourself to heal from the harm that someone has done to you, while coming to terms with your feelings for that person is like forgiveness. At least that's what it means to me.

"But how do I move past everything that has happened? They nearly destroyed my work. I wanted to die for so long I didn't know what living was. How do I forgive all that?"

Do you want to forgive them because you want to, or do you feel you need to?

"Both. Hatred is draining. To think negatively about someone all day takes an amount of energy I can't afford to spare."

So what now? You can't just pretend to forgive them today, and then take it back when you get into an argument again.

"I honestly don't know. Things will never be close between us like they want them to be. I've still got my gaurd up around them. I think I'll always keep them at arms-length when comes to certain things I do. But can I move past it? Can I honestly say I've forgiven them today?" I look deep into my heart for honesty. "No. Not completely."

Like anything, it takes time. But you've let a lot of your blind rage go.

"I thought I was going to be angry at them forever. Now, most of it is gone. Most of it, but not all. I think a part of me will always be angry about what they cost me, a little piece of me will always scream out for revenge for what I lost. But that part of me isn't so big anymore. Maybe one day, that piece of me will be microscopic." I grin at her. "I guess honesty isn't so tough, is it?"

She shakes her head at me, smiling brilliantly. Being honest isn't hard at all. Fear makes honesty tougher than it ought to be.

"I guess this means that I've crossed another mountain."

She nods at me. Oh, yes.