Who Do I Think I Am??

This one's about something, and it might be you.

THE PROMPT: "Something's Telling Me It Might Be You"

What's up y'all? I have to tell you, I love this prompt from 30DBC Creator/Founder . Wanna know why? Well, I'm too young to have memories, but I have the music, and it totally sounds like it could be something Frank Sinatra or Dean Martin sang back in the day. I see a nice lounge with a tiny corner stage, barely big enough to fit a tiny band. The men are in suits, and the singer's tie is slightly undone and the collar's been loosened. He may or may not have been comped one too many gin and tonics at the bar, but when he sways it's still to the beat. The women want him, and the men want whatever he's drinkin'.

At worst, it reminds me of terrible 70's AM radio soft rock, sung by a dude who never had another hit record again and probably never knew what it was like to be able to say those words to anyone before. He toured the hell outta that album, lost his virginity to a groupie, lost his earnings to coke, recovered, tried a brief comeback as a pop singer, relapsed, ended up on Oprah, and now he's sellin' insurance and living in his parents' basement.

I could get philosophical, and ask, "Which of these scenarios are you?", but I won't. It's not my turn to write the prompt, and it's even more likely that neither of them are. So I'll do the next best thing, and get all sing-songy on ya.

Something's Telling Me It Might Be You

Who's the girl who puts the shine in my sun?
Who brings the vodka when I run out of rum?
She does the dishes and cooks for me too...
and something's telling me it might be you.

I know a girl who can dress like a lady
and when she talks, she cusses like crazy.
When we're alone she's never a prude...
and something's telling me it might be you.

She changes the oil in the car.
She picks up the tab at the bar.
She punches other girls checkin' me out.
She doesn't argue, she just shouts.
She puts out her cigarettes with spit.
Her stories are almost legit.
She crosses her legs with more legs.
She likes beer with her bacon and eggs.

Darlin', every word I sing here is true...
and something's telling me it might be you.

Yeah, she's crazy but I guess I am too...
and something's telling me it might be you. It might be you!

MUSICAL BREAK!!

I thought about maybe playing something loungey, something old. And then I remembered this amazing gem while searching Youtube. Sinatra it is!

VITAL STATS:

I did a very bad thing today. Very bad. I injured an old lady. Story time!

I went to Arby's on my lunch break, 'cuz that's what I do. Since the district manager was in doing a visit, I ate in the breakroom instead of the office. There's a door on the sales floor that opens into a hallway; on the right is the ladies' room, water fountains, a closet with a mop sink, and the mens' room, and the breakroom is on the left.

This door has a window, but I usually don't pay any attention unless I actually see someone coming out (and honestly, the opportunity is rare when two people are using that door at the same time). There was nothing in the window, nothing in my periph to catch, so I opened this door like I have hundreds of times before and began to walk through it.

Then I heard a clunk as the door bounced back at me, and a lady yelling, "Jesus Christ!". I was lucky enough not to walk into the door as I jumped back and my heart raced a bit. And boy was this lady pissed. I guess I would be too if I just got my dome clocked by a door. The only way I see this happening is that she was looking down, reaching for the door handle while I was walking in; thus, putting her out of the window's view. It had to be the perfect storm of events. She bitched and moaned and looked slightly disoriented. "I could've had a skull fracture!" she said, as she backed away and went back into the bathroom, while I was apologizing like crazy. I felt really bad.

But I was on my own time, not the company's, and I was hungry so I sat down to eat. The woman came into our breakroom. Her glasses were bent. She said she was ok, and she knew it was an accident, but, "Jesus Christ, what else is going to go wrong today!" I again apologized, asked her if I could do anything for her, and finished my meal after she declined and left...

...to talk to the store manager. Who had to file an accident report. Who came into the breakroom and was like, "Really? Really? You just hit an old lady with a door?" I explained the situation, told her it was an accident, told her I apologized, and my boss was like, "She was Jesus Christin' you up and down! Her glasses are bent, she's got to go for a mammogram at two, she's not sure she can drive...this woman's pissed! I couldn't even get the info I needed out of her to file a claim without 'Jesus Christ' this and 'Jesus Christ' that, and how she could have an orbital fracture." Apparrently, I hit the wrong senior citizen to fuck with. But is it wrong of me to think that maybe, after everything she said not only about me, but her conditions, if I hit her a little harder, she wouldn't be suffering anymore? Yes, I'm that kind of jerk.

What makes it worse? After my break, I went to the door that leads to the time clock, lockers and office. I saw my manager and district manager walking up the aisle toward me. I stopped at the door, looked at them, looked in the window with my hand above my eyes as if I were looking into the distance, and looked that them, who were laughing. My boss looked at me and said, "You're such an ass!" Jokes abounded all day. Because we're horrible people who have not bought tickets to hell...not season passes...but personal seat licenses to every event Hell will ever offer.

Later in the day, my boss is telling me about how crazy her mother's been acting. I told her to have her come in and stay for awhile, and when she goes to the bathroom...she just busted out laughing.

I did feel really bad though. Didn't want y'all to think I was totally heartless.

And with that, I've got other things to do, so I'll leave you with the worst impression of me I possibly could leave. Peace, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!