Jaded Warriors book 2 (Jade Series)

Chapter 3

Chapter 3


  The rays of the bright sun shone through the curtains in illuminated spears as tiny dust particles floated through them in the air. The heat in the room increased the heaviness of my eyelids and forced me to blink slowly to avoid the dry burning sensation that I knew would follow. My chest felt heavy, as if I had to force each breath through my exhausted dizziness.


“How do you feel?” A voice startled me and I gasped as I jumped back and pulled the blanket up closer to my chest. I looked around and saw Gage as he stood and walked closer. The mattress gave way with a squeak of the springs as he sat next to me on the bed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”


My jumpiness didn't help my worsening condition as the room started to turn.  My heart pounded as the tips of my fingers trembled while I wiped sweat from my forehead.  “I don’t feel good, Gage…Where’s Casey?”


“He’s not here,” he said, with concern written deep in his soft blue eyes.  “Him and Kane left but they’ll be back.”


My head sank back into the pillow and I pulled up the covers as I wondered how it was possible to be hot, yet shivering at the same time. “I need…” I couldn’t finish my sentence as my jaw trembled and my head felt as if it were crushed by a vice.  My body ached badly and I closed my eyes as I tried to fight it. The harder I fought the more painful the surge of tremors grew. The heaviness of the blanket was too much and I kicked it off my legs.


“Gage,” I cried, as he moved next to me.  “I … I need Casey!”


I hated saying that! It wasn’t that I needed Casey, I just needed the drug for the withdrawal and I hated saying that I needed the drug even more. Gage moved towards me, hurt in his eyes. He wanted to put his arms around me. I wanted to let him but the pain was unbearable!  “Don’t touch me…”  I cried. He backed away. “Please… I’m sorry… My skin hurts.”


I turned my face in the pillow and screamed in agony as I rocked back and forth. My eyes burned. Every little sound, magnified through the ringing of my ears and I covered them with my hands to stop the noise but it didn’t help.


I heard Gage’s ragged breaths. He sounded upset. “They should be back any minute,” he said, with urgency in his voice as he tried to reassure me. His voice caught as if he wanted to say something else but stopped. I heard the door open and the sounds of footsteps as they moved across the living room.


“Casey! She’s awake and she needs it...”


I turned and saw Casey as he walked into the room. Kane stood in the doorway and looked at me, shocked as Casey pulled out the needle.  He suddenly became furious as his eyes darted from me to him.


“What are you giving her?” Kane shouted and lunged after Casey. In a blur, Gage jumped in between them and held him back as the two struggled. With a loud thud, he pushed him up against the wall with Kane’s shirt balled in his fists. Gage’s rigid arms, strained and bulging, flexed tight against the sleeves of his tee shirt as he tried to stop him from ripping Casey apart.


“Save it, man!    Pull it back!”


“Not going to happen!”


“Save your anger for a time when it’ll count.”


“Get out of my way, Gage!” Kane yelled, red faced as the veins in his neck pulsated from exertion.


“No! She needs it!”


“No she doesn’t!”


“Kane, if she doesn’t get it she goes through withdrawals like this! Look at her!” Gage shouted back.  Kane clenched his fists but relaxed some as he forced down his anger, but his eyes, still icy with rage. “You got it in check?” Gage asked, as he breathed hard from effort and slowly released his grip. Kane gave him one last meager shove then walked over and looked at me with horror in his eyes.


My body shook uncontrollably as beads of sweat rolled down my forehead and I barely managed to talk as my voice wavered. “Please, Kane… I’m sorry.” 


Gage sat next to me on the other side as Casey stood over me with the needle. I looked at Kane, so did Casey and he nodded. He tried to inject me but I couldn’t relax my muscles long enough to hold still. Gage pulled my arm out and held it down. I cried from the pain of being touched and it took the three of them to hold me down as seizure-like spasms rippled through my muscles. I knew I needed it but my body fought it. My heart sank as I looked at Kane, pain evident in his furrowed eyebrows, then I slowly relaxed. My arm burned as the toxic chemical entered my body. I let my eyes drift close but faintly saw my brothers' tortured face envisioned in my mind.


“How long will this go on, Casey?  How much of that stuff is she going to need?” Kane asked, frustrated and heated.


“As long as it takes to get it out of her system… Enough that her body can deal with it… she can’t go without right now.”


Their voices faded as a sultry wave washed over me and I closed my eyes, heavily crippled as I relaxed and let my body slip back into the drug-induced sleep.


***


I gasped and sat suddenly upright as I woke with a start to the sounds of my cries. My mind whirled in a turbulent sea of terror, unable to differentiate between the palpable nightmare and reality as I gasped for air. Frantically, I scanned the room, expecting to see Damian.


Gage sat by my bed. My racing heart slowed as I sighed and wiped at the sweat that trickled down the back of my neck. I looked at him. Anguish and pain imbedded deep into his face, visibly upset. Tension in his jaw shifted back and forth, as it rippled against his shadowed cheeks. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. I hated how I made him feel. “I’m sorry, Gage.” 


He didn’t say anything, but rested his forehead into his hands and rubbed his face. He ran his fingers up through his hair as if it would help him think of something to say. He dropped his hands, rested them on his thighs and sighed deeply but words never came.


I hated how I felt. I turned away from him and stared blankly at the wall with a deep heaviness inside me. I felt empty, hollow, just a shell of what I was before as if half of me shriveled away. I thought the pain from what I went through would end when I was out of Damian’s reach but the torturing continued in my mind. I couldn’t stop it. The nightmare continued to surround me. Damian's face plagued my mind like a cancerous sore that consumed more of me each day and I felt it would continue until there was nothing left of me.


How could I ever let my lips touch Gage’s again without remembering that they also touched Damian’s? I bit at my lip as if the infliction of pain and the metallic copper-like taste of blood would somehow make my heart less painful. It didn’t work. A knot grew in my throat as the tears threatened to surface. I looked at him with his eyes intently on me. He stood and moved to the edge of the bed and sat down.


“Please… Just stay right there, Gage.”  He didn’t move any closer. The pain evident in his face drew the tears from my eyes as I tried to hold back and they rolled down onto the pillow. I pulled the covers up over my head. I couldn’t face him. The thought of what he would think of me if he knew everything became unbearable.


“Do you want to talk about it?”


“No.”


He gently pulled the covers from my face. “Jade, you don’t need to hide from me.”


That wasn’t all that I’d done, let Damian near me. The list seemed endless. What would possess a person to inflict so much pain on others? Morrison and Damian thrived on it and I couldn’t understand it but yet there was no denying it, that I largely contributed.


How could I ever tell Gage what I did? How could I ever tell Kane? Giving Morrison information about Kane was unforgivable and the result of that was devastatingly painful to swallow. I alone was responsible for Hector’s capture. I still saw his eyes as he knelt in front of me when I closed mine. Hector said it was not my fault and I shouldn’t blame myself. How? It was my fault. Hector died because of what I told Morrison.


Then there were the kids in the compound. Maybe they would have been better off never knowing me.  The false hope I’d given them that I would try to take them with me, the fear on Maya’s face, the let-down on Corby’s, they’d been abandoned, left behind by me.


I turned to Gage. “Were you there? At the compound when Kane went in?”


“Yeah, but I wasn’t with Kane.”


“Did you see the house blow up?”


“Yeah.”


“Where were you?”


“Joel and I made it to the front and broke the door down as the first explosion went off.”


My jaw dropped as a strangled sound escaped me and I gasped as my heart sank in my chest. I sat up quickly and pressed my back against the headboard. Had Gage been two minutes later he would have been caught in the blast, had he been two minutes earlier…


“Where were you?”


“I…” I hesitated. I didn’t dare tell him where I was, how close we were to each other. I wanted to tell him how I felt drawn to the door. That I reached for the handle, grazed it even, felt it turn slightly, but Damian prevented me from opening it.


“Jade, where were you?”


“Just before the explosions… I… I was on the other side of that door… I tried to get out… but… I heard the…” My throat grew tight as my voice wavered, Gage waited for me to continue, his sorrowful blue eyes searching mine. What had I heard? There were men on the other side, ramming some large object against the door to break through but I hadn’t had the opportunity to see if they’d been successful. My voice, barely a broken whisper. "I saw shadows in the window… I heard the pounding… at the door and shattering glass."


I couldn’t read Gage’s expression. His jaw set tight, but his eyes emptied and became hollow, numb to my words. Anger and fear, sorrow and pain, exhaustion and defeat, all expressed at once.


“How did you get out?”


“An underground tunnel… I felt the explosions… I thought we'd be buried alive.”


I glanced quickly at the doorway as something moved out of the corner of my eye. Kane stood in the doorway, his arms folded as he leaned against the doorframe and listened. He needed to know what happened to me as much as Gage did. I wondered how long he stood there. I turned back to Gage.


“Did you come inside?”


“When it blew, we were thrown back. I couldn’t get in until the explosions stopped and the fire died down and even then, Joel and I didn’t make it in very far.”


“Did you find anyone?”


“Uhh…” Gage hesitated, as if he tried to decide how much to tell me.  I searched his eyes frantically for something to let me know Corby and Maya made it out.  “Not alive.”


“Did you find any kids?” My heart sank as desperation set in my chest. Gage didn’t answer. A sudden awareness surfaced over his face. Gage’s eyes heavy with dread and regret. I looked at Kane but he gave me no information either. I glanced back at Gage, pleading with him to tell me. The hurt in his eyes told me he knew more than he would say. I could hardly speak as I choked on the words. “Any babies… Gage, answer me.”


“We searched the rubble after, we found… some bodies, small enough to be kids,” Gage sighed, and turned to Kane momentarily, as if there was more, as if Gage was unsure if he should continue.


“What? How many did you find?”


“How many kids were in the compound, Jade?” Kane asked.


“About fifty that I knew of, and nine babies.”


“We found twenty one bodies,” Gage said, as his jaw twitched from tension. The pain he felt evident on his face, present in his voice. “Eleven were kids… four of those were babies. They were all together in a corner.”


Gage blurred before me as tears invaded and I squeezed my eyes tight to force the tears down my cheeks. I covered my face with my hands to muffle my cries as my body shuddered into sobs and I sank down into the bed and hid once again under the covers.


“Jade… I… I’m sorry,” Gage said, as his hand moved gently over my leg. His grip tightened then he let go. The mattress springs creaked and I felt the bed lighten as he stood then I heard his heavy footsteps as they carried him out the bedroom. He crossed the front room then the door slammed behind him.


“Jade,” Kane said.


“Go away!” I cried, my voice muted by the pillow as my will shattered into a million pieces. I faintly heard the door as it shut quietly behind me, and they left me to my sorrows in dreadful silence.


***


The scent of vanilla wafted through the air as I stared blankly at the reflection of the flickering flame that danced in the mirror. My eyes burned as I blinked slowly, the backs of my eyelids felt as rough as sandpaper over arid eyes.


“Do you want to get cleaned up?” Gage asked.


I shrugged my shoulders as I licked my chapped lips, just as dry. “How long have I been here?”


“A few days…”


“How long have you been sitting there?”


“I don’t know, a while… a few days,” he sighed. “Do you want me to leave?”


“Do you want to?”  I glanced at him with heavy eyes as I wondered if he could answer truthfully. I gave him no reason to want to stay.


“No, I don’t want to… but, I will if me being here makes things worse for you.”


I didn't respond, I couldn't. I didn’t want him to leave, but I didn’t want him close to me either and I had no idea how to explain how I felt, I didn't understand it myself. He didn't deserve this, he deserved more, more than I was able to give right now. I knew he wouldn't be the first to say it and I wondered if he just needed me to give him a way out.


“This is your house, Gage. If anyone leaves it should be me.”


“That is not what I meant,” he said, with certainty in his voice and as he moved closer, I sucked in a breath. He gently, with the tips of his fingers placed them along my jaw line and directed me to look at him. “And that is not what I want.” I shuddered as he touched me but held his gaze as he didn't back away. The painful expression written in his moist eyes and the tension in his jaw crushed my heart. He creased his forehead as he gave a slight shake of his head to finish his statement as the seriousness in his cobalt eyes caused me to shift uncomfortably and I had to look away. “This is your home, too.”


I leaned back against the headboard and let my eyes drift closed to ward off the tears. The heat of his hand remained warm against my cheek, his masculine scent, painfully intoxicating. He didn't move, the soft sounds of his breaths, comforting and as he spoke, the sounds of his voice, soothing.  “I think you would feel better if you went into the bathroom and cleaned up. I heated up the water for you.”


My eyes drifted open. I looked down at the rags I wore as awareness and embarrassment grew in my cheeks. The once white tee shirt, gray from dirt with blood stains scattered on it. Misshapen and stretched, the shirt barely covered me. My hair, probably a grungy mess.


“Okay.”


Gage’s eyes lifted some with a glimmer of hope as if surprised I agreed and expected me to say no. I pulled off the blanket and moved slowly to the side of the bed. I noticed my thin bare legs as they dangled above the floor. The gashes on my feet from the escape were nothing but painless, scabby remnants, and I wondered how it was possible for them to heal so well, when I felt dead inside.


With my arms folded across my chest, I looked around his house as I walked through the open living room, spacious and very beautiful. Not one thing looked out of place. Nice paintings on the walls and expensive décor organized perfectly. “Your home is beautiful, Gage.”


“Thank you… I told you before, it’s your home too.”


I suddenly felt very alone and uncomfortable with my overwhelming surroundings, very different from the place I came from.


He walked into a doorway, the entrance to a very big bathroom.  We walked in and I looked around. Gage stood close to me and I fought the uneasiness it caused.


I stood in front of the full sized mirror and stared in disbelief and horror as I looked at the image in front of me. I reached my hand out and touched the glass as I stared blankly at this skeleton of a girl that was supposed to be me. My hair, dingy and the shirt barely hung on my bony shoulders and came down to my thin legs that were bare. I watched the reflection as I ran my hand over the old cuts on my wrists that hadn't healed yet, then up my thin arms. I didn’t look like I had any muscle left at all. I touched my face and the hollowness in my cheeks, the dark circles and glazed look of my eyes hidden, thankfully by my disheveled hair that hung over them.


Suddenly, I heard a sound that sent me instantly into a panic. My heart pounded wildly out of my chest. I gasped and whirled around as the sounds of the spray of water against the tile shower sent a flashback of Damian as he repeatedly forced me to my knees, curled into a ball to protect myself from the razor sharp spray.


“Turn it off!” I yelled.


I remembered the last time Damian painfully hosed me down in the shower room, tears filled my eyes at the invasive memory. Moments later, Denny lie dead on the floor. Images of his eyes, a filmy gray as I watched his life fade, as I watched his blood spill, flooded forever into my mind.


“Please!”


“It’s just a shower, Jade,” Gage said, as he looked at me confused.


Suddenly, I felt overwhelmed. I needed to leave. I needed to get out of the bathroom, to get away! I tried to get past him but he grabbed my arms.  “Let go of me!” I cried. “Please… turn it off!”


He let go with one hand then reached over and turned off the water as he held on to me with the other and I collapsed to the ground sobbing. Gage knelt down next to me on his knees. His hands hovered around me, but he didn’t touch me.


“What’s wrong?” Kane blurted out. I looked to the doorway to see my brother as Casey moved around behind him.


Gage put his hands in the air then ran them anxiously through his hair. “I just turned on the shower.” The frustration building in his voice.


“Oh, yeah… Not a good idea,” Casey said.


“You want to let me in on it?” Gage instantly lashed out at Casey.


“I’m sorry,” I cried.  All three of them stared at me, not sure of what to do.


“I think I know someone who can help… I’ll be about five minutes,” Casey said, and then he headed back down the hallway.


I sat on the bathroom floor, turned away from Gage and Kane. I pulled my knees up to my chest and leaned my head against the bathroom cabinet. What was wrong with me! A stupid shower and nothing else caused panic to surge like a hot current through my veins. My stomach twisted into a knot as a wave of heat rushed over me.


“Jade,” Gage said softly, as he knelt behind me, he sighed. “If you would talk to me then I could understand…  I don’t know what to do?”


I shook my head. How could I possibly tell him what happened? Even if I wanted to tell him, where would I start? I took a deep breath and tried to relax when I heard a door close. Footsteps neared the bathroom. I looked back, Kane still stood in the doorway. Then I saw Casey and I gasped as she peeked cautiously around the doorway.


“Megan,” I said, as she smiled.


“Can I come in?” She asked softly. “I brought you something to change into.”


“Yeah...”


She walked in and reminded me of her condition as her belly protruded quite a bit farther than before as she touched her swollen belly to confirm she was still pregnant.


“Things were getting pretty ugly with all of the fighting that went on through the city. I couldn’t be there when they raided the jail and there was no way I was going back to live with my aunt. Casey put me in hiding… I got here this morning,” she said, as she stepped over Gage and knelt in front of me.  “I can help her,” she paused, then smiled softly to Gage before she focused her attention on me. “I’ve missed seeing you.”


“I’m glad to see you’re okay.”


She smoothed my hair off my forehead. “Let’s get you cleaned up, okay?” She looked at Kane and Casey. “You guys can go now,” she said to them, and with relief in their eyes, they gladly left. She looked at Gage as he remained next to me on the floor. “She’s going to be okay. Don’t worry… I’ll help her… We’ll be out in a while.”


Gage showed Megan where the towels were and told her where she could find the soaps and lotions. He paused as he stood over me and I let my eyes drift closed under the pressure of his stare. I heard his heavy footsteps as he walked out of the bathroom and thundered down the hall as he came to the front door and slammed it shut as he walked outside.


Megan paid no attention to Gage as he left and I tried to forget about how hurt he looked lately as I sat on the floor while she got a few things together.


“Would you rather take a bath?” 


“Maybe that would be better for now.” 


There was a big, jetted oval bathtub, next to the shower and I sat at the side as I turned on the water and adjusted the temperature.


“Can you believe this house?” Megan smiled. “I’ve never been in a house this big… well besides the compound, but that doesn't really count. It was more like a hotel.” She opened the cabinets and looked through the different lotions and soaps. “Do you want bubbles?” She turned and asked me.


“Those are probably his mom’s,” I said reluctantly.


Megan gave me a funny look. “Not anymore they aren’t. They’re yours now. I doubt if Gage will ever use them,” she added sarcastically, then laughed.


“Oh…” I said, a little stunned. “Sure.”


“How about Passion Fruit,” she asked, as she pulled out a rose-colored bottle as she flicked her eyebrows up quickly as if to entice me.


“I’ll need more than a bottle of soap.”


Megan laughed, and then shrugged nonchalantly. “You can worry about that later.”


Megan poured some of the velvety red, liquid soap into the water. It instantly turned into soft white bubbles that grew as the water filled the bath. She rummaged through the cabinets as I dropped the rag of a shirt to the floor and looked down at myself, thin and unhealthy looking. The black tattooed mark across my chest stood out like a sore thumb and reminded me instantly of its presence. I’d almost forgotten about it.


I climbed into the bath and slid under the bubbles to hide the tattoo. It felt so good to soak in a bath. The soft foamy bubbles popped and fizzled as I moved them over me. I dunked completely under the water for a few seconds to wet my hair and face and then sat back up. Megan tossed me a little soft pink scrubby that she found as she searched through the drawers then looked in the mirror at her big belly.


“Does your aunt know where you are?”


“No! She is an evil woman… I hope I never see her again.”  I got the feeling that Megan had her share of bad experiences.  “Casey said I never have to go back there.” 


“Good… I hope you stay close by here.”


“We’re staying in an abandoned house down the street,” Megan said, excited as she turned quickly away from the mirror. She knelt by the side of the tub next to me with a youthful enthusiasm that reminded me of Emery when we went to Disneyland when we were younger.  “There are so many empty homes. It’s a nice house like this one with nice furniture, it’s not as big but I don't care. Casey says it's ours now.”


I smiled at her fervor and passion over something as simple as a safe comfortable home. I knew how she felt. I just didn't realize how important my own home was to me until I didn't have one.


“I really like it there, Jade," Megan paused, then her thrill deflated quickly with a big sigh. She moved awkwardly as she sat on the floor and propped herself against the wall while her hands rested softly on her belly. "My home growing up was never that nice, if you could even call it a home. It was more like a prison.”


Her eyes shot up at me quickly with her interesting choice of words. “Sorry…”


“Don’t be… at least I didn’t have to grow up there,” I paused, with a sympathetic smile, “my home wasn’t this big or this nice either. But I loved my home.” I hadn’t even thought about it until now, and suddenly, I wanted to go see it.


“Is it close by?”


“Well, it was down the street a couple miles, but Damian burned it down.” 


“Oh...”


“I just feel so out of place here, like I don’t fit. I wish I was home.”


“Jade… It’s going to take time. You can’t get past what happened overnight. You’ll start to feel better.”


“I hope so,” I said, reluctant as I rubbed the sweet smelling shampoo through my hair and rinsed it in the water.


“Conditioner?”


“Thanks…”


She handed me the bottle. I took it and smoothed it through my hair as my arms started to feel weak.  “I think I am going to get out now.”


“Okay. I’ll step out. Do you feel strong enough?”


“Yeah, I think I’ll be fine.”


“I’ll just be right outside the door if you need me.” Megan paused, as she struggled with her belly to get off the floor. “Oh… And I think we should burn that rag.” She smiled, as she gestured to the shirt in the corner on the floor.


“Okay…”


I don’t know if it was the bath, or having Megan to talk to, but I felt much better, exhausted, but better.  My foot squeaked against the tub as I stood and stepped out, then dried off as the water drained and took the anguish I felt earlier with it. My heart sank with weighted guilt, as I felt bad about how I reacted with Gage. It wasn’t his fault but he seemed to get the brunt of my explosive reactions. He didn’t know what I went through and I didn't want him to know. He wanted to though, despite of how much it hurt him to hear it. I just didn’t know how I could possibly bring myself to talk about it when all I wanted to do was forget.