Alamin: Desires and Redemption

Chapter 4

Scene 7

On stage Is sheik Ali , John and Malcolm. Gunfire is heard, horrible devilish screams are heard. Ali has a wound on his leg and is bleeding. He looks extremely ill. Ali has a gun and a sword.

John( To Ali): What do we do sheik? No phone is working!

Ali( To John): They must have used magic to stop them working! Escape boy! Those kuffars are too strong for us for now! Retreat and go the bases. Hakim's place is only an hour drive from here. Warn them all!

Malcolm( to both): I-I saw Pete being eaten by witches!

An explosion is heard.

John( To everyone): What the heck was that!?

Ali( To John and Malcolm): Escape I say! Escape!

John( To Ali): And you?

Ali( To John): I cannot John, I've been poisoned by their foul magic! The magic could spread! I cannot be allowed to infect the others!

Zombies( off stage to the right): Brains! Brains! Brains!

Ali( To John and Malcolm): Run you fools! Run!

Malcolm and John leave stage to the left

Ali: Oh help me Allah! May you grant me the power to cleanse this land of Kuffar filth Ameen!

Enter two zombies from the right.

Zombie 1: Brains! Brains!

Zombie 2: Brains! Brains! Give me brains ya damn muzzie!

Ali: If you want my brains come and get it foul rotting creature! I'll beat your rotten backsides!

Ali attacks zombies and kills the zombies.

Lights down.

Scene 8

Lights up.

On stage is Yahya and Margaret. They are battling two bearded witches. Witches have knives. Yahya and Margaret are fighting with metal bars.

Yahya: Allahu akbar!

Yahya hits the witch 1 on the neck and breaks her neck.

Witch 1 dies

Witch 2: Satanus!Uffern dan!

Yahya screams in pain and falls to the floor.

Margaret( To Yahya): No! ( to Witch 2) Die!

Margaret stabs the witch in the chest with the bar.

Witch screams in agony and stabs Margaret in the chest.

Witch dies.

Margaret holds her hand to her chest and falls besides Yahya.

Margaret: It hurts! It hurts so much! I don't want to die! I don't want to die!

Yahya holds Margaret.

Yahya: We'll be fine, we'll be fine alright! I'll take you to hospital!

Margaret: I-I love you! I never tell you this enough but I do! I-I’m always grumpy but I was like that because I love you!

Yahya: I-I know darling, I know you love me and I love you.

Enter Necromancer, Satanica and Astarte from right. Satanica is a bearded witch with green beard.

Astarte( To Yahya and Margaret): Awww! How cute! You'll both make an adorable zombie couple!


Satanica: Marywrpethywwneudnawrycwplmewnpriodas!

Margaret and Yahya die.

Astarte( To Necromancer): I just had a really cool idea! Do you think it is possible to stitch them both together? They'll be literally together in death then! That's sooo romantic like!

Necromancer( To Astarte): Yeah it can be done.

Astarte: Coolio!

Satanica cackles.

Satanica( To Astarte): I cannot wait to get me hands on Gwynfor! I'll kill him after I torture his friends ( cackles) Oh how my magic shall destroy the muslims!

Sound of an explosion is heard.

Enter dying bearded witch.

Dying Witch( To Satanica): They're dead! All dead! He comes! He comes!

Satanica( To dying Witch): Who!?

Witch dies.

Astarte( To Satanica): Who the hell could have killed all the witches?

Necromancer( To astarte and Satanica): The zombies are all dead! I-I just sensed it! ( To Witch, Margaret and Yahya) Dewchnol By!Dech ol! jibb er ish!

Sound of gunfire is heard.

Astarte( To Satanica): How?! W-we were winning easily!

Satanica( To Astarte): Escape! Awaken your father from his slumber!

Astarte runs off-stage to the right.

Satanica: How much time does your damn magic take! We need zombies now!

Necromancer: It takes time foul witch! Necromancy is an art that must not be rushed!

Satanica: Art my green beard! I see him coming! Come Ali! Come and meet yer doom!

Enter Ali from left. He is covered in blood. He carries a Quran with him. He has wounds all over his body.

Ali( To Satanica): You! How dare you filthy witch!

Satanica( To Ali): I'll kill you Ali! I'll finish the vendetta between us right now!

Ali: Allahu Akbar!

Ali throws the sword at the necromancer.

Necromancer screams and blood pours out of him and he dies.

Ali( To Necromancer): No one turns my people into zombies you satanic spawn!

Satanica: cabledd!Cableddrwyfyncaru!

Ali’s belly bursts. Blood pours all over the place.

Ali: That tickled witch! Allahu Akbar!

Ali shoots Satanica and runs out of bullets so he throws the gun at her.

Satanica screams and blood pours out of her mouth.

Satanica:Gib-er-ishkiasorkionot!

Ali looks to be in more pain.

Ali: have a taste of some Baraka witch!

Ali: Say, "I seek refuge in the Lord of daybreak
113:2



From the evil of that which He created
113:3


And from the evil of darkness when it settles
113:4



And from the evil of the blowers in knots
113:5



And from the evil of an envier when he envies."


Satanica screams in agony and falls to her knees.

Satanica: The purity! The purity! Nooooooo!

Satanica has blood spray out of her, green liquid blasts from her, her beard falls off. The beard wriggles on the floor. Satanica dies. The beard continues wriggling to the right in an attempt to escape.

Ali: This ends now!

Ali gets close to the beard and begins reading Surah 1.

Screams are heard from beard and the beard burns up.

Ali: Allahu Akbar!

Ali sits on the floor and reads the quran.


Lights down.

Scene 9

Lights up.

On stage is a altar with Volpone on it. He is asleep.

Enter Warlock Gerald from left. He is carrying a athame. Enter Astarte carrying a chalice of . Foul bearded witches enter. The witches chant satanic words and surround the altar.

Gerald( To Volpone): I call upon the spirits of the jinnis of the north, east, west and south! Hail satan!

Everyone: Hail Satan!

Gerald( To Volpone): I call for thee oh Volpone to arise thou bloodsuckering Vampire of sin!

Everyone chants satanically.

Gerald( To Astarte): Oh great unbearded witch give me thou cup.

Astarte gives cup to Gerald. Gerald places the athame into the cup.

Gerald( To Volpone): The dark satanic energies of the male and female have been given to thee oh evil one!

Gerald( To Astarte): Oh spirit of female give thou energy to thou father!

Astarte( To Volpone): Oh spirit of the devils! Satan my master! Raise my father from his sleep! Satanus! Satanus!

Everyone: Hail satan! Hail Satan!

Volpone sits up.

Volpone( Shouting): I AM AWAKENED! FEAR ME OH MUSLIMS FOR I HAVE RETURNED!

Volpone laughs insanely.

Volpone looks around.

Volpone( To Astarte): I received your telepathic message whilst I slept daughter. Beng was always my least favourite offspring. I shall initiate you to be a vampire.

Astarte( To Volpone): Oh father! Thanks!

Gerald( To Volpone): Master, how do thou feel?

Volpone( To Gerald): I feel peckish. I urge for some submitter blood. Dust to dust, blood to blood, a vamp must feed!

Volpone stands up from the altar.

Volpone( To Astarte): We must begin right now Astarte whilst the devilish energies are with us. I shall transform you now.

Volpone grabs Astarte and bites her.

Astarte( To Volpone): Oh father! I love you!

Witches(Chanting): Nosferatu! Nosferatu! allimac! allimac!

Astarte screams and loses consciousness.

Volpone( To Gerald): Take her to her bedroom. I have want to feed. ( To Astarte) you my draculina shall gain unimaginable power!

A bearded witch breaks the circle, all leave stage to the left.

Lights down.

Scene 10

Lights up

On stage is fortune teller Vandilo with lady client. Vandilo wears fancy theatrical clothing and has a crystal ball. They both sit at seats.

client: oh thank you Vandilo! I need that stuff to keep me going! I love cocaine!

client gives five hundred pounds to Vandilo.

Client leaves to the right.

Vandilo: With this money I will pay for sex magic sessions with the great Aleister La Gey! I shall receive great magic from the great sinner!

Enter Hakim running from the right. He punches Vandilo and drags him on the floor.

Vandilo( screaming): Who are you! Who are you!

Hakim hits Vandilo again and then lets him go.

Vandilo: Please don't hit me man!

Hakim: Listen, fortune telling scumbag. I'm a muslim and I have an interest in using your kuffar ass. You're coming with me, you crystal watching godless infidel fraudster!

Vandilo: Screw you bastard! Lord and lady I bid thee to kill this enemy of thine!

Enter two foul jinnis.

Jinni 1( to jinni 2): Oh lookie ere we got us a muzzie!

Jinni 2( To Hakim): I eats muzzies for supper!

Hakim takes out a gun and shoots jinni 2 and 1 in the head. They both die.

Hakim( To jinni 2): Have some indigestion with your kentucky fried muslim, Hakim style!

Vandilo: Please don't kill me man!

Hakim grabs Vandilo's finger and pulls it back.

Vandilo screams in pain.

Vandilo: please! Please!

Hakim stops hurting Vandilo.

Hakim: Alright kuffar! This is how we do this! You obey everything I ask you to and you do it without hesitation! Any funny business and you'll be joining your jinni chums. Do you understand?

Vandilo: yes! Yes!

Lights down.






Scene 11

Lights up

Enter Volpone from the left covered in blood. He carries bloodied clothing.

Enter Astarte from the left covered in blood.

Astarte: Oh father! I had so much fun with you!

Volpone: Indeed my vampiric spawn from my loins! Father knows best! I must say that christian tasted a bit odd.

Astarte: Oh yes! Must be all the pork they eat!

Enter Jinni

Jinni( To Volpone): Me lord, you have been called to the Lust league.

Volpone( to Jinni): Now? But I have muslims to eat! What could the Satanic harlot want now?

Jinni: I just a messenger sir. I do not know the details.

Volpone: So be it! I shall see what the league wishes from me. Satan Vult!

Lights down.

Scene 12

Lights up

On stage is Ruqqaya, Hakim and Vandilo who is tied up.

Vandilo( To Hakim and Ruqqaya): Oh no! Oh no! Please don't do this man!

Ruqqaya( To Vandilo): Quiet you kuffar dirtbag! Your friends killed my friend and my father! If you don't shut up i'll kill you!

Hakim( to Ruqayya): Keep calm, stay focused woman. ( to Vandilo) listen we know you have friends at the Lust league. We need you to get us into the place. If you do that we'll give you sanctuary.

Vandilo( to Hakim): You'll never succeed! Your mad!

Hakim: Mad? Maybe. But get this straight punk. I only care bout killing you satanists. You killed a good friend of mine. All he wanted was to retire and set up a soup cafe. You scum couldn't stop your evil ways and he died but he took down Moloch. If he had his intestines out of his body yet still killed Moloch what makes you think I can't hunt you down? It’s simple really. You do this to us and we'll let you live, if you don't we will release some information to your coven about how you've been selling their info to other covens for a price.

Vandilo: Nooo! Don't do that man! Please! I'll do what you tell me to!

Hakim: Good that we have an understanding then. ( To Ruqqayya) lets go and do this.

Ruqqayya( to Hakim): Yes, let’s do this "man"

Hakim: Calling me man because I called you woman?

Ruqqayya: Indeed.

Lights down.

Scene 13
Lights up.

Enter Lust from the left with Aleister La Gey.

Lust: Mr La Gey the arrangements are in place. Your new gay porn film Warlock Sodomy has broken our records.

Aleister( Extremely camp): indeed lust! We at the sodomite coven have put our magical energies into the Lust league. We are raking in the dollars quicker than a quickie sacrifice!

Lust: let us fornicate right now handsome!

Aleister: Sorry dear but yer a female.

Lust: drat! You homos turn my lustyness to high volume for some reason! I never have been able to convince your kind!

Aleister: No can do sorry.

Lust: Ah well! Now tell me good sir, will you be participating in the ritual orgy tonight?

Aleister: indeed! I shall be the high priest.

Lust: who will be the high priestess?

Aleister: Astarte.

Lust: Interesting! Ah Astarte! What a pretty devil she is!

Aleister: Steven and Beng ain't bad looking.

Lust: were not bad looking. They’re both dead.

Aleister: Really? I heard some stories but just thought they were rumours. What happened?

Lust: Steven was killed by Gwynfor's men and Beng was killed by Astarte.

Aleister: Scandalous! Sibling rivalry!

Enter Gluttony from the left.

Gluttony( to Aleister): I want pie!

Aleister( to Gluttony): Gluttony! Come here you deadly sin!

Gluttony comes over to Aleister. Aleister takes out sweets from his pocket and gives to Gluttony.

Lust( to Aleister):Aleister! You know how Gluttony gets! You don't want her to vomit all over people like last time?

Aleister( to Lust): Bah! It is only some muslim fat mixed with chocolate!

Gluttony( To Aleister): Thanks Aleister! Muslims are yummy!

Lust( to Gluttony): Always eating! ( To Aleister): she had fifty gallons of chocolate milk a few hours ago!

Aleister( To Lust): she's a growing demon!

Lust: She has been growing for centuries ever since Hecate created us out of Volpone.

Aleister: How is that witchy jinni?

Lust: Haven't seen her in years. She had a falling out with Volpone.

Enter monsters in fetish clothing.

Monster 1( to Aleister): Your deviancy we need your help with the preparations! We need to possess the sacrifices!

Aleister( To Monster 1): Indeed handsome! Let us get cracking for I have a great urge to enjoy some satanic sodomy action tonight!

lights down.

Scene 14
Enter Volpone with Astarte. Both wear satanic priest clothing. Lust enters after. They all enter from left



Lust( to Volpone and astarte): Master, I have great worries about the muslims. We have not heard anything from them since Ali died last night. Alis’ daughter Ruqqayya is missing and so is Hakim. Satanica's dead and that muzzie Ali killed the whole of Satanica's coven.



Astarte( To Lust): no! Satanica died! S-she was a third level initiate! I-I don't believe you! S-she's dead?



Lust: yes, accept the fact Astarte.



Astarte cries.



Volpone( To Astarte): Hush child. We have no time for tears. Turn your grief to magic and use it against the muslims. ( To Lust) Ali? Ali Ibn Abdullah? He killed Satanica's coven? All thirteen?



Lust( to Volpone): Yes, and fifty warlocks, a necromancer and a dozen zombies.



Volpone: What happened to the submitter?



Lust: We found that he died from a zombie wound whilst reading the Quran but we could not gather his body for magic since Muslims came and attacked us.



Volpone: Damn it! I fought Ali many a time! I wished to be the one to defeat him in battle and rip out his spine and make some blasphemous filth with his pure spine! I shall have Gwynfor, Hakim and that bitch Ruqqayya instead!



Lust: Indeed, now we must participate in the orgy to create addictive powers to my new movie Lust: Addictive asses from hell part fifty six.



Volpone: I see that you have been truly busy as I slept.



Lust: Indeed!



Lust and Volpone laugh evilly.



Lights concentrate on Astarte.



Astarte( To Audience as she cries): Oh my Satanica! My hellish friend! You taught me the powers of witchcraft! How many Muslims did I get possesed under your guidance? So many great times we had together my beloved mentor! ( Raging) I will avenge you my mentor! No muslim shall read a quran if I can help it. I shall burn mosques and suck out their blood! I shall achieve your evil dreams Satanica! I shall become a super Witch!



Lights down.





Scene 15

Lights up.



Enter Hakim and Ruqqayya.



They both carry machine guns.



Hakim: Alright dear, when Vandilo gets us those filthy clothing, we sneak in and then kill those devils!



Ruqqayya: Yes! It'll be the last ritual the scum will ever have!



Enter Mcdougall. He wears a kilt.



Hakim( to Mcdougall): Wh-what are you doing here? How'd you find out? I thought you were in Japan?



Mcdougall( To hakim): Oh aye laddie! I was in the land of anime, samurai and red sun! I just come back! What the heck are ya both thinking huh? Ya wanna die? James heard ye talk behind the garden shed at yer house that's how I found out aboot this suicide mission of yers.



Ruqqayya( To Mcdougall): We will die fighting those kuffar but we'll take as many as we can! I'll do it for my daddy!



Mcougall( To Hakim and Ruqqayya): Ya stupid sociopaths! Ye ever think about telling the others huh? Ye just want ta kill as many of these satanists as possible. ( To Hakim) I eard ye were a ruthless bastard but who knew ye would be willing to waste yer wife's life as well as yer own.



Hakim( To Mcdougall): Shut the heck up up you skirt wearing haggis eating punk!



Mcdougall( To Hakim): Listen ye twit! I jus come back from Japan! Their all dead alright!



Hakim and Ruqqayya( at same time): dead!



Mcdougall: Aye! All dead! ( looking full of grief) All gone man! All! Doing exactly wha yer doing now jus they suceeded! I'll tell ye how it went!



Lights down.
Lights up



On stage are Monster , yokai jinni, Greed and Basan. Basan is a giant chicken. They sit at seats round a table. On the table is a pile of cocaine with a box besides it with porn materials written on it.



Voice of Mcdougall( Off-stage): I was there wi them as they prepared their final attack. The jinnis led by Greed and Basan had worked with this corporation. The war had wiped out most of the exorcists in Japan, so they let me help so we decided instead of escaping they decided to fight till the last man just to take out the leaders.



Monster( to Greed): Mr Greed we have nearly killed off all muslim exorcists! Afterwards we attack other gangsters to make me gangster emperor!



Greed( To Monster): Indeed you greedy gangster. We will make you mighty and we shall both reap the yen from our sins!



Everyone in the foul gathering laugh evilly.



Enter Japanese and Tanaka with Samurai swords and white bandanna on their heads with Allahu Akbar! Written upon it in Arabic and in Japanese letters. Mcdougall also enters carrying a claymore.



Tanaka: Kill them all! Allahu Akubaru!



Japanese muslims, Mcdougall and Tanaka battle the satanists.



Greed escapes to the right and goes off stage.



The jinnis die. Basan kills three muslims battling him. Basan escapes to the right.



Mcdougall is shot by a jinni.



The muslims kill the evildoers.



Tanaka( To Japanese): We must find them! Cut off their infidel heads! ( To Mcdougall who is writhing on the floor in agony) You stay here, you are injured mcdougall.



Japanese all leave stage to the right shouting Allahu Akubaru.



Mcdougall stands up looking to be in agony. He uses first aid on the wound.



A groan is heard from a jinni.



Mcdougall: I see yer alive ye jinni.



Jinni: indeed I am you transvestite gaijin! Your friends will die soon since that way Basan will be waiting with Greed with gangsters.



Jinni laughs then dies after coughing up blood.



Mcdougall: Goddammit!



Mcdougall runs off stage to the right after picking up a machine gun.



lights down,



lights up.



On stage is Greed and Basan.



They are looking to the left.



Greed: What the heck is going on!? Why are they fighting so ferociously! What the!? I-is that? No way! Th-ey've stolen the grenades! Oh damn!



An explosion is heard , smoke comes into the stage from the left.



Japanese muslims off-stage to the left: Allahu Akubaru Charge!



Gunfire is heard.





A gangster enters stage from the left carrying a machine gun with Tanaka having stabbed him with a samurai sword.



Tanaka then charges at Basan. Basan takes out a sword and battles Tanaka. They leave stage battling to the right.



Enter Mcdougall with the gun, he is about to shoot Greed.
Greed: ghureghhdfhh!
Mcdougall shouts in pain and drops the gun.

Greed( to Mcdougall) like my magic huh! huh! Have some more!



Mcdougall shouts in pain then recites surah 113.



Greed coughs out his teeth. He takes out a gun and is about to shoot to Mcdougall when Tanaka re-enters and stabs Greed through the neck. Greed dies.



Tanaka has chicken feathers on his arms.



Mcdougall: Tanaka! Ye killed Basan?



Tanaka: No! I cut his head off but he turned into black sludge then entered my nose and into my body! ( shouts in pain) He is trying to posses me! kill me!



Mcdougall: I'm not killing ye ya stupid jap! ( recites surah 113 and 114)



Tanaka screams in agony.



Tanaka( possesed by Basan): Ah! That hurts you muslim gaijin! Tanaka is mine! I'll kill you transvestite then I'll restart the work! With Tanaka's new body I'll become Yokai leader of Japan.



Mcdougall continues reciting.



Basan-Tanaka: Yokaiorosoginlok!



Mcdougalls nose and mouth bleeds.



He falls back onto the floor and shouts in agony.



Basan-Tanaka: I told you gaijin that no muzzie could get me out of tanaka.



Basan-Tanaka laughs evilly.



Basan -Tanaka: You will die now scotsman!



Basan-Tanaka is about to hack away at Mcdougall when he stops and looks confused.



Basan-Tanaka: what! Why cannot i move! Ah!



Basan-Tanaka moves about as if struggling to control himself.



Basan-Tanaka: drat! The bastard is fighting back! You'll lose Tanaka!



Basan-Tanaka's arms move the sword to his own belly.



Basan-Tanaka: you bastard! You'll kill yourself if you do this!



Mcdougall: Tanaka! Don't ! I'll get him out of you! Just give me time lad!



Basan-Tanaka stabs himself in the belly and slices himself seppuku style.



Basan-Tanaka: noooooo!



Tanaka shouts in agony, smoke fills the room.



Enter Basan from the right in a black sludgy form.



Basan( to Tanaka): You stupid muslim! You-you've killed me! H-how could you have so much willpower!?



Tanaka( to Basan): A kuffar such as you will never understand the willpower of a muslim!



Basan: Bastard! ( Falls down dead)



Mcdougall: Tanaka! Oh God! Oh crap! I'll fix you up! Let's get ye to the hospital lad!



Tanaka: I-I do not th-think you can f-fix this Mc-mcdougall. I-I wanted t-to t-tell you something Scotsman!



Mcdougall( sobbing): Stop talking lad! We'll get you out of here man! We'll fix ye up and ye'll see Europe like ye always wanted to.



Tanaka: I am glad I could be friends with you Mcdougall, I cannot see you at the moment. I wanted to ask you, did us reverts do w-well?



Mcdougall: Yes! Yes! You did brilliantly lad! All of you! Yer martyrs! Ye'll be in the highest levels of heaven and ye'll be wearing pearls and ye'll be with all yer brothers from the ages!



Tanaka dies.



Mcdougall( Sobbing as he holds Tanaka): oh man! th-this wasn't supposed ta happen! Ye all were supposed ta win and we'd all go and visit Scotland! I-I wanted to show ye the highlands!



Mcdougall continues sobbing.

Lights down