The battle between Muslim vampire hunters and Volpone, the vampire |
Scene 5 Lights up On stage is people dancing. They sing. People: Fornication! Fornication! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! People leave stage to the right. Enter Adab and Lust from the left. Lust is holding Adab’s hand in her hand. In Lust’s other hand is a cup of alcohol. Adab is drunk. Lust( To Adab): Do drink up my sugar! Lust places cup to Adab’s mouth. Adab drinks the alcohol. Adab: Oh yeah! Alcohol is awesome! Lust: I find you a very interesting woman. Adab: D-do you? You don think I’m a muzzie prude? Lust: Oh no. In fact I find you fascinating. Mohammedians like you are very pretty. Adab: Really? Lust: Would you like to see my bedroom? Adab: Oh yes please! Lust leads Adab off-stage to the right. Enter Damian and Filthy from left. Filthy: Oh yeah! Girl on girl action! Damian: No action for us then! Drat! Mistress Lust has taken her to her bedroom. You know how mistress gets when anyone disturbs her during her fornication! Filthy: oh man! No action for me then. Enter women who are possessed by jinnis. Jinni-woman 1( To Damian): I wish you were the anti-christ but you are a wizard which is sexy stuff yo! Jinni-women: Fornicate with us oh mighty jinni and wizard! Damian( To Jinni-woman 1): I’ll show you some anti-christ my devil! My satanic loins are thirsty for devil bosoms! Lights down. Scene 6 Lights up. On stage is Astarte and Aamil who is tied up. Astarte has an apple with her. Astarte is in a white dress. Astarte: Oh yeah handsome! Kiss me! Aamil: Never! Astarte: oh why not honey!? Please eat the apple. I want to share this apple with me! I can get an indirect kiss then! Aamil: What is wrong with you woman! I’ve tried killing you what? Fifteen times? Astarte: Oh yeah! All those times you hit me and shot at me you made me wet! Aamil: Disgusting! Astarte: I’ll be as disgusting as I can be for you! I have only been pleasuring myself thinking of you. I need you now. Aamil: You say you love me but you don’t know the meaning of love woman! Astarte looks hurt. Astarte: How could you say such a thing! Astarte sobs. Astarte: I’m nice to you and you treat me badly! I give you food and a nice room and you call me names! You are so cruel! I love you! Just because I’m not a Mohammedian doesn’t mean I don’t love! Aamil( looking uncomfortable): I’m sorry. Astarte: What did you say honey? Aamil: I said I’m sorry. Stop your crying please. Astarte: Oh how sweet! Astarte looks happy. Aamil: okay I’ll eat the apple. Astarte: Oh that’s very good! Astarte puts apple to Aamil’s mouth. Aamil eats the apple. Astarte giggles joyfully and skips around kissing the apple where Aamil had just eaten. Aamil looks uncomfortable at Astarte. Aamil: Thanks for the apple. Enter Volpone from right. Volpone( To Astarte): How is my satanic princess today!? Astarte( To Volpone): Oh father! My boyfriend ate the apple! Oh I’m so happy! Volpone( To Aamil): You are finally here Aamil my boy! You and my daughter shall have sinful fun together. Astarte here has been pining for you ever since you nearly cut her head off five years ago! Astarte( To Aamil): Oh I was so happy when that axe nearly hit me and you fell on top of me! Oh how I felt so happy with you on top of me as we battled to the death. Astarte drops to her knees on the floor. Astarte( To Aamil): We’ll have so much fun together honey! Volpone: Indeed( To Astarte): My daughter, Abaddon wishes to speak to you. Astarte( To Volpone): Yes father. Volpone leaves stage to the right. Astarte( Winking at Aamil): I’ll be right back honey bunny! Astarte leaves stage skipping joyfully to the right. Aamil looks terrified. Aamil: Oh Allah help me! Help me deceive this mad woman that I have affections towards her so that I may escape! Ameen! Lights down. Scene 7 Lights up On stage is a bed. In the bed sleeping is Adab. Lust sits on the bed. Lust leers at Adab sleeping under the quilt cover. Lust wears a night dress. Lust( Leering at Adab) : What fun we had indeed! I love corrupting Muslimahs! Lust looks troubled and gloomy. She leaves stage to the left. Sound of water running is heard. Lust re-enters stage from the left. Lust takes out a box from under the bed. Lust opens the box and takes out a book covered in cloth. Lust removes the cloth. The book is a Quran. Lust( To Quran): What is it with this book? Why do I want to read you? Why do I care for you? No! I don’t care! I’ll get rid of you! Lust is about to throw the Quran but stops. She begins crying. Lust: What is wrong with me!? What is going on! I feel so confused and lost! This book it is the book of my enemies but I cannot be rid of it! Oh no, if master Volpone finds out about this Quran he’ll beat me! Adab awakens. Lust hides the quran back in the box and places the box back under the bed. Adab: Hey, wha are you doing Chlamydia? Lust: Oh I was just looking around to make sure you have all your things. We would not want you to lose anything now will we? Adab: You are soo sweet! I want to be good friends with you Chlamydia. Lust: And we will be. Lights down. Scene 8 Lights up. On stage is Hakim, Ruqqayya and Mcdougal. Mcdougal has a bag which has Aleister La Gey’s head in it. Mcdougal( To Ruqqayya): Alright lassie! We need ta move quickly now. Hakim( To Mcdougal): Watch out for any jinnis. I saw a couple of jinnis walk down that road. Ruqqayya: Why are there so many devils around!? Mcdougal( To Ruqqayya): Something is going on lass. Something satanic. Wallace told me ta meet ye here after I got ye back. Hakim( To Mcdougal): I heard that this Wallace fellow once killed five vampires all on his own. Ruqqayya( To Mcdougal): I heard that he fought Volpone in hand to hand combat and won. Mcdougal looks sad. Mcdougal( To Hakim and Ruqqayya); yes, he did those things but I have bad news ta ye. The man is not what he used ta be. Enter Wallace from the left. He is an old bearded man. He is in messy clothing. Wallace( To Mcdougall): How’s it going Mcdougal? Do you have La Gey’s head? Mcdougal( To Wallace): Aye. Wallace: then come. We must stay hidden. I shall take you to my mansion. Let us go! Lights down |