Wondering about my Wanderings

What does it mean to age/mature?

I am not feeling as well as I would like to. I am not sure if it is old age or age old reality. I have done as much as I can to deal with prostrate issues. I exercise by playing tennis with my sons. I spend time keeping my mind sharp by playing word games and allow for the possibility of being a pastor, whether it will happen or not. I experience irritation at having to let go of sin. It seems easier for whatever reason to keep it to myself and really feel it so that it will never happen again.

So I toy with the idea of change and forgiveness. I tire of trying to redeem something out of efforts that are in the long run only from God. I sit here typing. I find myself wondering about my own wonderland of vocation. I am a security guard in a reluctant sense. I am a caregiver who is with someone who is doing the hard work, a husband, dad and brother. I have a lot to learn and much of what is left is determining whether I am old (to late to change) or old in a mature sense. I may be caught in a rut. That does not mean I will not find my way out. The same God who delivered me in the past can deliver me. To God be the glory!!