Wondering about my Wanderings

Change

The world is changing whether I like it or not. I can recall my years of growing up with wall to wall roommates. I was the oldest of eight and it seemed like there was never enough room for me. Just when I thought I could be the center of attention another brother or sister would come along.

I fast forward to the present and I realize that life has changed radically. It feels so empty and hollow. I enjoyed getting firecrackers with my children this time of year and watching the fireworks at various sites. Divorce put an end to that and I find myself forever wondering what I could have done differently. Right after the divorce I was left looking for minimum wage jobs to pay child support and seemed to forever be on a treadmill of trying to pay bills with never as much time as I wanted with my children.

My children are having children and I watch as they grow up before my eyes. I continue to work the same type of jobs that helped me survive divorce. I would do anything to get back the feeling of having an endless array of interruptions as one brother and sister followed another. I was reminded of all this as my sister (executor or mom's estate) called me and affirmed my efforts at getting some legal paperwork done. One of my brothers just got out of the hospital and another brother fights to avoid a divorce. Life seems to ever move forward and I am faced with whether I can embrace change

There will always be some things I can not change. The fireworks will continue to be there and my children will also be out there along with my brothers and sisters so far away. It is what I choose to do with this change that will determine what the rest of my life will be like.

CHANGE or BE CHANGED a choice.