Wondering about my Wanderings

The date

Write about an ordinary ritual/event in which something goes ...terribly wrong.

I went on a date with a woman during my college years. It was my first real date with anyone. I risked calling her up and we went to a place called the mug and muffin in Quincy where I went to school.

I can recall feeling honored and valued for what seemed like eternity. I recall she loved horses and I had this neat sweat shirt with a horse embroidered on it. At the end of the date I gave her a peck on the cheek. I do not think it could have been more perfect.

Then something went horribly wrong. To this day I do not know why. I started obsessing about wanting to be with this woman. It was nothing I had experienced before. I thought I knew what love was in a very idealistic spiritual way and wanted to share with her my thoughts. You see I was at a Christian college studying to be a minister and she was a minister's daughter. It just seemed to be the right thing to do.

I never did call her for a second date. Things got too muddled in my brain. The obsession was for the most part an internal event. That was until the day I flipped out.

I had written in a ritualistic manner how she was somehow the solution. The next thing I knew it I was calling around searching for her on campus. She was nowhere to be found. I did a lot of "strange" things afterward, which culminated with getting up on top of a roof at the science building. Caring adults thought for sure I was going to jump off the building. I kind of doubt it. I did not feel suicidal in the least. I was just in a euphoric state. Soon after I would be hospitalized off and on for about two years, at times put in a seclusion room. I would find out I was bipolar. Healing has been a long process. It started innocently enough with a ritual known as a date.