Witness to Withness

Jerry

Heaven sits in a wheel chair waiting for a ride
A toggle switch of ecstasy amidst the cleansing tide
I watch, I listen, I reach out and touch
In hopes that in the span of eternity I know God's love


A true friend is with you until the end!!




Jerry was sitting in his wheel chair holding court among his many followers. To say that Jerry was a charismatic figure would not be understating who and he meant to those who knew him. At first glance he is very unremarkable in appearance. He is in one of those motorized wheel chairs with a toggle switch. He is thinning out. It is obvious that he has limited strength. He is young maybe early twenties. He looks to be no more than five feet tall, his legs unable to support his weight. Look closer and you see his smile light up the room and his laughter cast out demons of despair and gloom.

I came to his table as I was fighting off cobwebs of depression, still feeling very much unsettled. I was at this point transitioning from life in a state hospital to life in "the real world".
"Well who are you?" ringing out joy into distilled air as he grasps a chess piece about to put another opponent into checkmate.
"Do you Play chess?" (I often played with my dad and friends in years past, a spark lit up in the darkness.
"Sure"
So we move around the chessboard in a dance. It is graceful, if chess can at all be that way. Jerry is able to move chess pieces with effort, his smile ever present with a bit of drool cascading down his beard. We play often. I have no way of knowing who winds and nor do I even care. As I come into the transitional setting, he is the first person I look for. I am feeling someone inside myself coming back to life. It feels good.

As we play chess we learn a lot about each other. Jerry has muscular dystrophy and has been battling it all his life. I share about my aspiration to be a pastor and he lights up. He attends a charismatic church on a regular basis and encourage me to tell more about my story. He honestly want to know who I am and says in so many words over and over:
"Go for it man, you can do it"
His hero other than Jesus is a man named Jerry Lewis. He brags on the fact that he once was in the same room with him and got his autograph. We spend more and more time together and I become one of his merry men. I help him get his straw to his mouth and as needed get his food to his mouth. I take him to the bathroom, since he can not do this part of daily routine by himself. I feel a glow coming back into my dank depression dispelling it, putting it to rest, while I try out a new persona. I follow him around as he meets a wide range of people. He has encouragement for anyone who comes his way. The funny thing about Jerry is that he was denied the right to have education he wanted because of his terminal condition and yet people looked for him. I have no question that he knew more than any of the professors I knew in college. He offered real life lessons and wisdom to anyone wanting/needing it.
We become very close friends. He is always asking me how my studies are going as I head into some college settings to take courses determining when I will be ready to resume my journey of preparing for the ministry at the college where I had my emotional upset. Jerry could care less about my psychological diagnosis or why I am even in the same place I am in. He cares only to know more about me!!!
I go to visit Jerry at the nursing home that he is staying at. He is so young, and yet due to family dysfunction it is the only place that will have him. A nurse and Jerry have fallen head over heels for each other. Jerry celebrates with me that he is getting married. I am not sure why I am not able to go to the wedding. I am guessing that about that same time I was going back to college. In essence we were going our separate ways. I did get to visit him several years later as I was getting ready to finish up my college studies. I heard he was having a rough time.

"Well it's you again, Have a seat". Jerry has lost almost all movement. He keeps himself going with a mouthpiece. These are the only muscles that work. Jerry in sober tones shares that his relationship with his wife did not work out. They had to live in an apartment that happened to have steps and her twelve year old son kept tossing Jerry down the steps when his wife was not looking. Jerry had no choice to end the relationship or it would be the end of him. His dark skinned attendant looks on as Jerry talks. "What do you think of my digs". I find out he is in his own apartment, I do not know how he got there as I look back. He Is smoking cigarettes and he tells me that he is not averse to taking a drink now and then. This was nothing like the Jerry I knew.
"I just wanted to be there for you Jerry like you were there for me".
"I will be ok kid, I am safe here. I am trying to stay one step ahead of my ex. She keeps wanting to get back with me and all I want to do is live it up until I die."
It is very sobering for me to be a part of this scene. I look back from my present position and wonder why I did not preach to him or try to get him back on track somehow. It just never felt right. He had been there for me and right or wrong I wanted to be with him in that same way. You see I loved Jerry as much as I loved myself. I never sorry Jerry after this visit. I went back to seminary with his blessing. He was proud of me. I told him I would be praying for him and he was okay with that.

All I know to write in this moment in my own moment of being touched by his spirit. After all I am convinced God used him to save my life.
Thank you God for Jerry!! May the same love that brought us together bring us back together again.