The New and Improved Cynical Idealist

Potty Mouth

In the beginning, someone cursed my daughter with a "potty mouth."

My premonitions were correct in the previous entry. 9 hours is way too long of a time in this house for me not to experience some degree of bewilderment. In this case, it was caused by my daughter. When I say she has a Potty Mouth, I don't mean that she curses. I do that, in all honesty, I'm as rough as a badger. Such is the consequence of working in heavy industry my entire adult life. My vocabulary involves a whole lot of curse words... Well, at first, she was like a sponge, repeating anything that I said. Luckily we've shaken her of that array of obscenities. She now yells at me whenever I say a curse word of any kind.

When I say potty mouth, what I mean to say is she likes to chat whilst going potty. To me this is fine, because it makes for some wholesome conversation with my kid, but tonight there was a specific instance that just left me completely flabbergasted.

My fiancé was trying to take a shower, much to the dismay of my daughter whose been remarkably clingy today. Well, she shouted that she had to go potty, so I came upstairs just to kindly direct her to her potty. She assumed the position and then came the conversation.

She began this talk with two words that left me so confused, I'm still a little shaken by it.

"Bed Poop." she said.

"Huh?"

"Bed Poop."

"Okay...?"

"That would be gwoss."

"Yes... yes it would."

"I want my puppy."

We don't have a puppy, but hey, I figured I'd humor her imagination.

"I'm pooping."

"Lovely."

"There's a turtle over there. See it?"

"Yeah, why not? There sure is a turtle over there."

"Why me poopin?"

"Because you have to. Holding it in will make you sick."

"My leg hurts."

"I think you should supplement your diet with a bran muffin then."

"I don't like diapers."

"Yeah I don't like them either."

"Ok. Bye, daddy."

That was the conversation. Honestly, I'm beside myself... It was one of the strangest conversations I've ever had.

NaNoWriMo 2015 Here we go!