The Treatment Program of Absurdity: 1

The Chat

The Chat
On November 8th, 2010, Winfield Reese and I initiated a conversation while Winfield was driving me to the gym:
“So Winfield, what was your position in Afghanistan?”
“I was a gunner aboard UH-60 Black Hawk. I had two tours, so I was there from 2001-2005.”
“Mind telling me what incident happened that caused you to loose your scholarship to BYU and forced you to go into the military.”
“My senior year at William Westmoreland High School; there was this kid who was on the baseball team with me, and he wanted to go to a guy’s house to beat up a guy who stole a girl from him. Him and four other guys went out and beat him up, while I stood in the car and watched. The next day was Senior Skip Day, and the cops came to all of our houses to arrest us. Upon our arraignment, the judge – who was friends with my dad – gave me two choices: military or jail. Upon that day, I ended up in the military, in which I thought I would be out soon, but then 9/11 happened, three months later, and I was sent off to Afghanistan 60 days later. When George W. Bush made his visit to Afghanistan in 2001, I had the honor of meeting him.”
“Sweeeet! As I recall, after you left The United States Army, you went to work at a group home, and then to a juvenile detention center, right?”
“Yah! I got tired of dealing with the kids in juvie, so I came to Great Ascendency, three years ago.”
“I presume you weren’t as cool with them as you are with us?”
“You have no idea.”
“So, what’s the angriest that you’ve been with a student at Great Ascendency?”
“With you, after you shoplifted.”
“What about when the other Harry made a racial slur to you?”
“Ya, but he was trying to be funny; you knew what you were doing was wrong. That’s why I always got so mad at the kids in juvie.”
“So they weren’t these underprivileged kids from impoverished backgrounds and baleful parents.”
“Some were; some were just bad. There was this one kid who had been sent there for grand-theft-auto. His parents had done everything for him: counseling, wilderness, boarding schools; they sold cars, mortgaged their house, and did everything. When he was brought to court for grand-theft-auto, I was outside, waiting to take him to juvie, and he was shouting, “Mom, dad, this is who I am; I like being bad,” in which he was sentenced to four years. His parents had set aside $30,000 they were going to give to him; they gave it away to charity; and one day, when the kid was bragging about the money we was going to get, I rubbed the receipt of the charitable organization in his face, and that caused him to shut up.”
“What were the conditions in juvie like?”
“You could either do work for your G.E.D. or sit in your cell and do nothing.”
“What about TV?”
“They had an hour of rec time a day, in which they could watch television.”
“Do you have any idea how bad prison is because I often feel that reality-television depicts the conditions as being more lavishing than they are?”
“Harry, people don’t want to see how much life sucks. My uncle works as a corrections officer at a prison in Arizona; and when he does the escorts from jail to prison, the inmates start crying, and the corrections officers begin laughing.”
“What type of prison does your uncle work at?”
“Maximum-security!”
“What are the conditions like at the prisons?”
“For 23 hours a day, inmates sit in their cells and stare at the wall; no TV, no video games, no fun. For one hour a day, inmates are allowed to go to a field to workout.”
‘I presume your uncle doesn’t sit around, and give inmates psychological support, like you guys give us, right?’
‘HELL NO! As corrections officers, we are like zookeepers; we are there to be sure that they don’t escape their habitat, but we let them live in their natural environment.”
“If a newly brought in inmate began crying over fear about being raped in the shower, you guys wouldn’t comfort him?”
“Nope, we’ll throw him in the shower, and say ‘All yours!’”
“Did you guys separate members of The Mexican Mafia from members of The Aryan Brotherhood?”
“Nah! Less inmates makes our job easier, and it isn’t like they care; they are all there for 25-to-life, so another life sentence isn’t going to bother them.”
“With the way I see it, despite the fact I’m surprised by how horrible prison is, it doesn’t bother me.”
“Boy, you’ve been sheltered; but yes, when you do the crime, you do the time.”
“In New York State, it costs about 60k to keep an inmate in prison. Just imagine all of the starving children we could feed by curtailing conditions, and by accumulating the circumstances that one can be executed for. I think that all cases of first-degree murder should be capital offenses, along with rape and child molestation.”
“If someone molested my child, you wouldn’t need the electric chair”.
“The exception, of course, is when an attractive woman molests a little boy; but if she’s ugly, she gets crucified.”
“SHUT UP!”
“I’m serious! It is much worse when a woman commits a sex crime, due to the fact that people will get pleasure out of any sex crime committed by an attractive woman. In between the grand-jury and the petit-jury, there should be a horny jury of 50 men, any time a woman is indicted on a sex crime, to see what punishment she is eligible for. Like if an attractive women ran around Kingsville naked, no one would care, but you know what the result would be opposite if she were ugly. Megan’s Law should be change so attractive offenders need to register in the 976-number section of the phonebook. At ONCC, I heard a fat girl talking about how she masturbates, and the thought made me not want to do that for a few days; only snatch of thee fair maiden is worthy of thy spectacle. “