Evolution of love

JAI MAA

In those days Mother used to come to see me once every day. One morning Mother came very early and after She had left, Brahmachari Kamalakanta brought me some champak flowers. It was with regret that I looked at the flowers, because 1 would not have an opportunity that day to offer them at Her feet with my own hands. In the afternoon Kulada Babu brought me a lovely rose. The same painful thought recurred. The rose was kept on the table by the side of the champak flowers. That such lovely flowers could not be placed at Mothers feet disappointed me much. Just at that time Mother suddenly entered my room, went to the table and stood reclining to the left. She gazed at me for three or four minutes quite absent-mindedly and then left. I thought Mother had taken the flowers. The rose was missing. Next day when She came I enquired about it. She said, “I don’t quite know what I took, but I must have taken something from here. I went to the house of the zamindar of Dhankora and gave something to a woman there; then I went to the house of a Deputy Magistrate where a woman was ill and I left something there too.” Afterwards, I came to learn that at the first house She had given the rose and at the second a champak flower. The sick lady recovered soon.
In this connection Mother said, “Intense hankering after the Divine is the core of all worship, of all prayer. In our heart lie eternal springs of divine power and in our efforts lie the roots of all the creative, preservative and destructive urges of Being.”
I am just reminded of another incident. During my illness Pitaji ordered that every day some rice prasad should be sent to me from Shah-bag; but it was offered at about 2 p.m. and the prasad used to reach my house much later. Everybody in my home got annoyed to find me waiting for prasad so late in the day. On a particular day there was some adverse criticism of the whole arrangement at my house. It caused me so much pain that I came to feel there was no need of prasad being brought to my house in the face of so much disgust and criticism amongst the members of my family. The day wore on; it was 2 A.M. at night. No prasad had arrived form Shah-bag. It occurred to me that my reluctance to have prasad with so much trouble was most probably the cause for the stopping of the arrangement. I wept and wept on my bed and the prasad arrived in half-an-hour. I learnt that Mother had just risen from Her bed and ordered, “Go quickly, carry prasad to Jyotish at once.” I was given to understand later that when during the preceding midday Mother’s permission was sought to send prasad as usual, She said, “No”. So the practice of sending it was interrupted. In this connection Mother said, “I don’t do anything of my own will; you laugh and weep according to your impulses and your desires are fulfilled”.
During my illness I went to Vindhyachal for a change. I happened to meet Mother at Calcutta on my way and requested Her to go there too. She did not agree. On reaching Vindhyachal I passed one whole night weeping for Her. Just one day later Mother and Pitaji arrived there.
Mother remarked in this connection, “The aim of all religious practices is to sublimate all egoistic impulses and give them a unified direction towards the Divine. As soon as the ego ceases to function, the “Eternal Thou” will take its place.
From Vindhyachal I went to Chunar. Mother also went there. One day She said, “Don’t you often go out for a walk ?“ I replied, “I am too weak to move about. How can I ?“ Next dawn She took me out with Her for a walk. On the level plains as well as on low hills we walked five to six miles and returned at 11 A.M. While coming down-hill, I felt very weak and could hardly walk. Mother turned round and said,—”Our house is not far off.” In ten minutes’ time an Ekka (country vehicle drawn by a horse) turned up quite unexpectedly in a small lane; otherwise we would have had to walk one mile more to reach a carriage-stand. I was afraid that the great strain due to such a long walk might aggravate my illness. But no such thing happened.
Mother said a little while later,—”Both in this work-a-day world as well as in the spiritual sphere, patience is the crown of life.”
At a little distance from my house Pitaji, Mother and myself sat on a lawn. Mother said She would like to bathe with the water drawn from the well near the fort. She began to press for it like a little child. I said, “Let me call my servant.” She replied, “No, you must not.” I felt puzzled. .For in those places people finish drawing water from the wells before sun-down. I felt sorry at the prospect that I would not be able to carry out Mother’s wishes. But to my surprise a man with a lantern turned up at the well to draw water. He was persuaded to get water for Mother’s bath.
Mother said,—”Whatever you seek can be obtained provided the thirst for the object of your desire pervades every fibre of your being.”
During my illness I spent some days at Giridih. I became very restless for Mother one day, only to find to my surprise that Mother with Her whole party arrived the next morning.
After this change I returned to Calcutta. My physicians advised me to pass the remaining few days of my life at some healthy place. Even then there was spitting of blood when I coughed.
Mother ordered,—”Go back to your desk in the office and resume your duties there.” I went to Dhaka both Pitaji and Mother accompanied me to the office and went back, after seating me in my own chair.
At that time Mr. Finlow was the Director of the Agricultural Department as well as my boss. He loved me and had a great regard for me. He told me,—”Do as much office work as you can; send the rest to my desk.” He enquired, “Well, just tell me how you have recovered from that fell disease?“ I said in reply, “It is through the grace of Mataji who lives at the Ramna ashram over there. She did not give me any medicine; though I followed the doctor’s prescription, Her mercy was my only saving.” He said,— “Amongst our people also one hears of similar instances. I believe what you say.”
One evening an old neighbor of mine, aged about 80 years, Shyama Charan Mukherji by name, came to my place. When the conversation turned upon Mother, I said, “It is through Her grace alone that I happen to be still alive.” He blurted out, “Can one through anybody’s grace live longer than one’s predestined span ?“ In the course of this discussion he suddenly became silent and went away a few seconds later. He returned next morning to say, “Do you know why I left your place so abruptly ? When we were talking about Mother, I found on the back rest of your chair an oval bright light like that of the sun. At that time there was darkness outside and no light in the room. I looked about and could not trace the source of such a light at that hour; so I decided to ponder over the phenomenon before telling you about it. After careful thought I have come to the conviction that everything is possible through the grace of a saintly person. Really, She has been protecting you all along.”
A few months after first seeing Mother, Niranjan told Her at Shah-bag, “Ma, we very frequently think that after your ashram is started, both myself and Jyotish will live there as brahmacharis during our next birth.” Mother looked at me and asked~—”Why are you silent ? Won’t you be able to do so even in this body ?”
Some three or four years later, when I resumed my duties after recovery, Mother reminded me of the above talk and said, “Just think, how you have had your rebirth.” Then Mother took a golden chain from Her neck and placed it on mine, saying, “From this day onward know it for certain that you are a brahmachari and that you have had your rebirth.”