Evolution of love

MATRI GURU NAMAMAHAM

She is a spectator of the infinite kheyal's play, not an enjoyer, neither of pleasure nor of sorrows and pains. After discovering this formula, I was trying to trace intellectually the source of this ' Kheyal '. How beautiful are the kheyal's plays ! After my first darshan of Ma, I read different diaries on Ma. I saw Ma from a distance, whenever I got the opportunity. But I never sought any private interview. The first interview was arranged after 22 years, on 26 February 1960 at Varanasi by the instigation and request of others. My heart laughed merrily when I thought how funny it was that a son needed an interview with his mother and that also through others, when every corner of his mind was known to Her. Didi Gurupriya, according to her routine practice, began to introduce me to Ma. Does anybody knows a son more than his mother? So this funny practice evoked a boundless laughter to me. Before speaking any word, therefore, I laughed for a while merrily, heartily and very loudly. Ma also was laughing spontaneously, perfectly in tune with me. Very soon a doubt came in my mind. Was her laughter genuinely by feeling of mind? She stopped laughing immediately and an impenetrable gravity covered Her face. " In that way you play on the instrument, so you can hear",------- is very often said by Ma.
On another occasion, I was standing in a queue for pranam. She was offering garlands to every devotee by Her own hands. I thought, while standing in the queue, it was useless to have a material garland from Ma. I needed such grace that could transform totally. When my turn came, I finished my pranam. Someone forwarded a garland to Ma for offering me. But she withdrew from offering that. Instead, She looked at me with compassion. That garland was offered to the next man in the queue. "As you play on, so you hear".
At Ranchi Ashram, late at night, when most of the visitors had left the Ashram, my wife and I were trying to offer pranam to Ma in a small room on the roof. The room had two doors. At one, Dr. Priya Ranjan.Ghosh was standing was standing and listening to Ma's advices. At the other I was waiting for the opportunity. Ma's kheyal was then absorbed on the arrangement of nursing an ailing devotee. Naturally Her face did not turn towards me. She was unconscious about Her dress. A naughty thought came in my mind : " Her body should be properly covered, because many visitors might come here to see Her". Promptly Ma turned Her face towards me, asked someone to cover her body immediately with a wrapper and again became absorbed in talks. The trend of my thought changed soon : " What a silly thought it is! Ma is among Her children, and all are Her children, be he a newcomer or an old devotee. How can a mother be so much conscious about Her own children?" I repented for the foolish thought. In the meantime Puspadi brought a wrapper. Ma turned again to me and uttered, " No, it is not necessary now."-------- " As you play on, so you hear."