Evolution of love

JAI MAA

On the completion of her sadhana, Anandamayi would emerge with remarkable robustness to trek at high altitude in the Himalayan foothills at a rate of 40 kilometres 25 miles a day without suffering breathlessness.
Hardly a sign of morbidity or hysteria!
On the full moon night of August 1922, at midnight, Nirmala Sundari went through the actions of spiritual initiation - all by herself. She was 26 years old.
There were no external accessories and she herself was Guru, Mantra and Ishta chosen deity. For the next five months her sadhana became more concentrated, and included the pronouncing of the syllable "AUM" and the recitation of mantras, although she had no previous knowledge of Sanskrit or mantras.
Word of this reached other members of the family.
Come to watch her perform her sadhana, her uncle became exasperated, demanding: "What's going on here?" Turning to Bholanath, he asked, "she's received no initiation or anything, so what's all this she's doing? Why don't you speak to her about it?"
Instantly, Nirmala's expression changed and she spoke sharply: "What do you mean? Just what might you be implying?"
He took one look at her fiery expression and backed away in fear, blurting out: "Who are you?" The startling reply that burst from Nirmala's lips shocked him: "Purna Brahma Narayani". Since this means "Absolute Unconditioned Being", or words to that effect, her reply provoked Bholanath into asking her the same question and with similar abruptness, to which came the reply: "Mahadevi".
While these replies of Nirmala employ the feminine gender, there were to be other occasions when, in response to similar questioning, she used the male gender of the named deity. Didi was later to pester her on this matter of her real identity until, one day, she told Didi to fetch her the thorn of a lime tree.
A tiny berry with purplish juice was squeezed to make ink and the lime tree thorn served as a nib. Mataji wrote on a leaf the word "Narayana" and forbade Didi to reveal this to anyone until a long time after. On being asked about all these cryptic replies she would answer: "Essentially there is nothing manifest or unmanifest: I was only trying to explain the Perfect. I followed each questioner's attitude. I was performing puja at that time and therefore such words were uttered."
Other replies were forthcoming too. Asked by Bhaiji, her reply was: "If there were I-consciousness in me I could express who I am. As it is not there I am what you may choose to say about me: To the registrar of Dhaka University: 'this entire universe is my home. I am in my own home even when roaming from place to place'.
Finally, she gave three different replies to a certain questioner: "I am conditioned as well as unconditioned; I am neither infinite nor confined within limits; I am both at the same time." "My will would be irresistible if I expressed it."
"I am with everybody, no matter what their age; I exist before there is any creation, duration, or dissolution of the world."

At the time when her uncle questioned her after her self-initiation, she also blurted out her intention to initiate Bholanath, even to the extent of announcing the date on which she intended to perform the diksha.
Bholanath was her first initiate, the second was Bhaiji many years later, and then no more until her old age. When that day came, four full moons after her own initiation, Bholanath, with a vague idea of eluding anything as much against his inclination as diksha, particularly from his own wife, hurried off to the office without taking his breakfast. At the appointed time, however, Nirmala sent for him.
When Bholanath replied that he was busy and could not leave work, she sent word that if he did not come home immediately she would fetch him herself. Not daring to risk that, Bholanath reluctantly went home. She asked him to bathe at once, change his clothes and sit down. She then pronounced mantras and gave him his first spiritual instruction. Nor was this to be the only time she did so, for from that moment she became his spiritual preceptor, indeed his Guru.
Yet outwardly her manner towards him did not change at all and she remained his affectionate, dutiful wife. Didi writes of a much more emotive aspect of the question of her real identity, this time revealing a remarkable aspect of the marriage. Nirmala was being closely questioned by a formidable gathering of eminent scholars in Dhaka.
She related the incident when her uncle had questioned her, and these learned men wanted to find out what exactly had transpired.
Her face flushed and her eyes filled with tears as she replied: "The words uttered by me then were - "Purna Brahma Narayana"." Despite her manifest distress the men persisted, asking her about her self-initiation and her initiation of her husband. Nirmala Sundari turned towards Bholanath, smiled slightly and awaited his permission. Bholanath signalled his refusal to grant it and she then said, "He forbids me".
She then retired to her room, still distressed. Following her in, Bholanath asked her why she had revealed so much when she herself had earlier forbidden anyone to speak of such things. She replied: "I do nothing by my own will. It seemed that the time had come for it to be revealed."
She lay down in bhava and wept profusely for a very long time.