Memories of Snow

NaNoWriMo Day 3: Letters to Baha'u'llah (WC:2265)

Istijlál (Majesty), 1 Qudrat (Power), 173 BE - Thursday, November 2, 2016 AD about 7:14 PM Pacific Daylight Time

Dear Baha'u'llah

It's past sunset so it's a new day. That means I can start on the next entry in my NaNoWriMo personal journal entry. I wasn't going to begin this until in the morning, but I encountered a problem tonight and I may as well write you a letter for the journal entry or at least part of it. I need to write over 2000 words to accomplish the goal for Qudrat 1, which isn't the problem I have right now.

My problem now is financial. I'm going to need more money then what I have coming in again this month which means I'm going to have to ask Faye for some money again. I'm tired of needing money and having to ask my sister for it. I know I'm doing something wrong, but I'm not sure what. Actually that's not really true I don't have a job and all I have is social security which isn't really social security if I can't live off of it.

Baha'u'llah, I can feel a tension headache coming on. I only get them when I'm attempting not to cry because of financial or some other type of stress. I feel so stupid. I have De here to help me, but I have to pay here and I don't think I have the money to pay here this month plus the other things I need to do. I need to send $50.00 for a debt and I won't have it this month. I have, or rather will have, some money in my savings account, but that will be only $50.00 when the $25.00 I have transferred from my checking on the 3rd or the 4th.

I keep having to transfer money from my saving back to my checking to make sure I have enough in the checking to cover checks and stuff that's coming out. I know that money comes in when I need it, but the problem is that I have to ask my sister for it. I know Faye's going to get tired of supporting me. She already pays the rent on this apartment. I don't see how ranting in this letter is going to help because I'm still on the verge of tears. Writing usually helps. Maybe it's because I'm complaining and ranting that it's not helping. Maybe it is helping because I can feel the stress and the headache decreasing. I think the tears are starting to go away as well.

Baha'u'llah, I know I should put everything in your hands and then get on with what I need to do to earn some money. I've been doing surveys, but that doesn't get me very much. I'm so tired of struggling and scraping for money. I would just like to be able to get by each month without having to depend on my sister to help me out. I know it's my own fault for not making more money when I had the opportunity. And money is going to get tighter because Medicaid isn't going to be paying for my co-pays anymore. This means I have to find the money myself.

I'm back to wanting to cry which means I need to be saying some prayers. Everytime I think of money or my financial situations I want to cry. I know that money comes when I need it so I should be thankful for the fact that I have a sister who is willing to help, but I don't like asking her for money. I feel so helpless. I have stories to write and edit. I have to finish editing Scavengers. I don't feel very confident about that book. In fact there's a lot I don't feel confident about.

I'm going to close this letter now. I feel better then when I begin writing it. I feel more confident for some reason. I'm not sure why except that I wrote a letter to you, Baha'u'llah. Writing to you always seems to help the situation, at least emotionally. That good because the less emotional and stressed I feel the easier it is to find a solution to my problem. I'm not sure what the solution is right now, but I'm sure you will show me when the time comes. Perhaps the only thing for me to do is to accept the fact that I'm helpless and can't take care of myself financially.

I place everything in your hands, Baha'u'llah.

Your servant,
N.F. Darbe AKA Prosperous Snow

Istijlál (Majesty), 1 Qudrat (Power), 173 BE - Thursday, November 3, 2016 AD about 8:13 AM Pacific Daylight Time

Dear Baha'u'llah,

I'm feeling a little or perhaps I should say a lot more confident this morning. I've said my morning prayer and put on a carafe of coffee. I will have a little left over from the stuff that's automatically coming out of my checking account, at least the stuff I know is automatically coming out. I place my financial situation in your hands. I have a $52.00 check I need to write this month, but if I purchase disposable undergarments I won't have enough to write the check. I'm sure there will be more money I need to spend; however, right now I can't worry about it because it interferes with the calm I'm feeling this morning. I place those issues in your hands as well.

Last night letter was a rant. You know I rant in letters when I'm worried. I also rant in blog entries when I'm worried. I shouldn't worry because God and you know what I need and am going to need. I think I've been a worrier all my life. Mom always said I took after Dad in that department. I need to bring the worry under control or I won't be able to finish editing Scavengers. Indeed unless I get control of my worry I won't be able to do anything except worry.

I have to finish hanging the clean clothes up sometime today. I hung up one dress this morning when I went into my bedroom to get dress for my day. I also have to go to the store sometime this week, perhaps Friday or Saturday. I need to get some disposable undergarments and some coffee. I also suspect that I will be getting a call to pick up a prescription. I'd like to do everything on the same day, but that may not be possible. If it's God's will that I do those jobs the same day then the pharmacy will call either this afternoon or on Friday morning.

What else did I need to discuss this morning? I think I need to discuss getting to the election polls on the morning of November 8. If I can't get to the polls that day then I don't receive $120.00 for working them. Baha'u'llah I could use that money to help with some of the bills. The problem is driving the car before and after sunrise. The tail lights act funcky and don't always work. The break lights work; it's just the tail lights that are the problem. Neither De or I can drive the car at night if the tail light don't work. I place this situation into your hand as well.

I suspect there are other things I have to discuss. I will have to wait until later today to discuss them. I have to get me a mug of coffee and do some work online. I need to check into writing.com and see if I can do some reviews or may write a poem or story for a contest. I also need to do some surveys to see if I can earn some more money.

Signing off for now,
N.F. Darbe AKA Prosperous Snow

About 2:00 PM Pacific Daylight Time

Dear Baha'u'llah,

I just finished some reviewing on writing.com. Two of the stories reminded me of some interesting incidents in my childhood. One of the stories I reviewed was about a mouse and the speaker's attempt to get rid of it. The other was about a nursing home.

I'll start with the nursing home incident first. One of Grandpa's no make that one of Grandma's brothers because I'm sure the great uncle was a Chaplin, which was Grandma's maiden name. I think it might have been Uncle Grover Chaplin, but it could have been one of her other brothers. That was a long time ago and it could have been Uncle Ira Chaplin instead of Uncle Grover. Anyway the incident when he was in the Blackwell, Oklahoma nursing home. The more I think about it I think it was Uncle Grover, so I it was Uncle Ira or one of Grandma's other brothers I apologize .

Uncle was living on a farm. He was his wife's second husband (I think her first husband died) and my great aunt had died several years before. One morning, Uncle called his son and said "I think your mother has left me." This frightened his son because his mother was dead. It turned out that Uncle had dementia or Alzheimer's. The put Uncle in a nursing home in Blackwell (close to where one of his daughters lived). Periodically, Uncle would wonder away from the nursing home to go to his daughter's house. When he did this either the neighbors, his daughter, or the police would take him back to the nursing home.

This memory reminds me of a memory about Grandpa's brother Roy. Uncle Roy lived in Blackwell. He would drive his car to the store or wherever he was going. He would park his car and then forget where he parked it. When he forgot where he parked the car then he would go to the police station and say: "I think someone stole my car." Whoever was on the desk would say "Don't worry about it, Mr. Newland, we'll find your car." The police would find the car where he parked it and saw that he got home safely.

This brings me to the mouse, which has nothing to do with my great uncles and their dementia issues. The first time I saw living mice was in the kitchen of our house at 1119 West College in Blackwell, Oklahoma. I'm not sure how old I was, maybe I was in the first or second grade. Anyway, Mom called my sister and I into the kitchen (my brothers could have been in there as well). She opened one of the dishtowel drawers and show us three or four baby mice. I don't know what she did with the mice after we went outside, but she probably humanely put them down.

I remember those baby mice were hairless with pink and gray skins. I don't know what happened to their mother, maybe our cat caught here. I think we had Mittens at the time and he was a good mouser. I don't think the baby mice in the drawer had anything to say about his ability to catch adult mice. I mean he could only catch one mouse at a time. I don't know if Mittens ate the mice or carried them to the female cat that stayed under the back porch.

Yours Always,
N.F. Darbe AKA Prosperous Snow

About 3:45 PM Pacific Daylight Time
Dear Baha'u'llah,

I just finished some surveys and I have one more survey to do today. I have to check the My Survey website because I don't think I input the information in the Beverage survey yesterday. I have to keep up with that survey because I think it will take me over the top in points. That means I can ask for another $10.00 sent to my PayPal account. I know $10.00 doesn't sound like much, but sometimes it makes a difference. For instance, I transferred $10.00 (1000 points) from one survey website to my checking account the other day. That $10.00 prevented me from going under $25.00 in my checking account. I have to keep at least $25.00 in checking to keep the account open.

When I did the surveys today, I didn't get frustrated because of long surveys or surveys I didn't qualify for. That is an improvement because I often get discouraged when I don't qualify for surveys. The biggest problems with the surveys is that they take time from other projects such as writing, editing, and rewriting.

I'm going to the store tomorrow to purchase some disposable undergarments. I've figured that I have enough in the account to buy them and perhaps the prescription I'm expecting to be filled sometime this week. I was going to wait until Smiths' called with the prescription, but I think I'll go up there anyway. If they call for the prescription then I can pick it up either Saturday or Sunday. Probably Sunday unless we have to go to one of the food banks on Monday.

I enjoy going to the food banks because often times we get some interesting food items. I think I'm going to have to go to Lutheran Services and/or Catholic Charities sometimes this month. I think I'll try for one of them next week, but I don't know which one. That depends on whether we go to another food bank on Monday.

Baha'u'llah, I have several other things to do today. Therefore, I'm going to close this letter and see what other stuff I can get finished before I get too sleepy to do anything except sleep.

Yours Always,
N.F. Darbe AKA Prosperous Snows