Memories of Snow

NaNoWriMo Day20: The beginning of a New Week (CW:2184)

Jamál (Beauty), 18 Qudrat (Power), 173 BE - Sunday, November 20, 2016 AD about 6:58 AM Pacific Standard Time

The Beginning of A New Week

It's Sunday, November 20, the beginning of Thanksgiving week. I'm wondering what I have to be thankful for. I woke up to find that my cellphone battery run out of charge and the phone turned itself off. I put it on the charger. I went into the kitchen and begin brewing coffee before getting dressed. When I went back into the kitchen to pour myself a cup, I found that my coffeemaker quit after brewing half a cup of coffee. I poured that in my mug and turned the coffeemaker off.

Next I turned on the computer, put the prescriptions I purchased yesterday in the National Consumer Panel RX Views diary and checked to see if I had enough points to send for a coffeemaker (I don't). I'm going to have to drink hot English black tea or whatever other type of tea I have in the house until I can afford a new coffeemaker.

I logged into Facebook. I found a message from my nephew on my page about this mother. From what I understand of that message she may not leave the hospital alive. He didn't say that specifically, but that was the implication of the message. I posted a message of my own on my page and then I shared a post about needing a hug.

I'm going to the Baha'I Center this afternoon for Spiritual Services and hope I get back to the house before dark. I can't drive at night because the taillights don't work properly. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don't. I'm placing everything in Baha'u'llah's hands and getting on with the writing I planned to do today. I don't know if I'm going to review because right now I'm fighting a bit of depression. Alright, more than just a bit of depression. The only way I know how to fight depression is through writing and prayer (not necessarily in that order).

Thanksgiving is For Memories
It's NaNoWriMo Day 20. Thanksgiving is on Thursday, November 24, and I'm not sure or rather I'm wondering what I have to be thankful for. This week started out in the dumps because of several difficulties I encountered. I know I need to pray. I also know I need to write about the way I feel. In fact there are a lot of things I need to write about and I don't know where to start. So I guess I'll start writing about Thanksgiving or a decision I came to last night which is related to Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving is for memories. Last night I watched the Lawrence Welk Thanksgiving show. When he introduced one of the performers, a black dancer and singing, Welk introduced the man as "a credit to his race" which shocked me because I hadn't heard that phrase used in decades. I know that Welk was only reflecting his opinion and the opinion of the culture he was raised in, but still I thought that the phrase was prejudicial. It got me to wondering if I should watch the Lawrence Welk show anymore.

The main reason I watch it concerns the memories it brings back. Mama and Grandma always liked the show. I can remember watching it with them while they were alive. I enjoyed watching the show with them, but I'm not so sure I enjoy watching the show by myself. There are other things I can watch on other channels that I find more enjoyable. After the remark Mr. Welk made last night, I don't think I can enjoy the show anymore. I'll have to find another show or just use the time between the end of the Antique Roadshow and the beginning of the Britcoms to write, say prayers, or watch something else.

November 20, 2016 Rant

The 30-Day Blogging Challenge was cancelled due to a family emergency. Since I won't be making any entry for it today, I'll pick another subject to write about. I'm not sure what to write about because the only thing I'm can see around me is a dark fog that gets darker the more I focus on it. I want to cry. I'm not sure crying would do any good therefore I'll write or perhaps rant about something or other. What I need to do is find something to be grateful for. I need to give thanks because I know that will change my attitude. At least I hope it will change my attitude.

I have so much to deal with right now. I have bills to pay. I have medication to pick up because I didn't pick all my prescriptions up yesterday. I'll pick up the one that's still at the pharmacy tomorrow or on Tuesday, probably tomorrow., I waiting for a check that will only pay one bill. There might be a little left over, but if there is I'll have to save it to go on the other bill. It's drawing close to the end of the month and I'm running out of money. The meds I picked up yesterday cost over $16.00 because one of them was $13.00.

Last night I transferred $10.00 (all I had) from my PayPal account into my checking account. It will hit that account on Monday or Tuesday. This morning I transferred $25.00 from my savings to my checking, which gave me a little over $30.00 in that account and left about $30.00 in my savings account. I've been transferring money from my savings to my checking so much lately that I'm not earning anything on my savings. All right it was only one or two cents, but it was a little bit.

In addition, this year my SNAP benefits were cut to $57.00 which isn't very much to eat on for a month. Thank God, there are food banks in this town so that I or rather we can at least eat half way decently. The problem is that Faye is helping me with the rent or, at least, she has been helping me. After her drunken rant over the phone a couple of weeks ago I don't know if she's going to sent the money for the rent or not. She signed the lease with me, but that doesn't mean anything. I've only talked to her once since then and I haven't heard from her since.

I know my sister is alive because if she were ill or hurt then her landlady or boss would call me. Still I suppose I should call her again this week to see if she's all right. I have about $40.00 in my Inbox Dollars account that I can request. They will sent me a check, but they don't transfer money through PayPal. I also have about $30.00 in my Send Earnings account. So all together that's about $70.00 I can request. I was going to wait until I could request $80.00 or more because that would mean I would have money for the power bill. I still have to find the money for this mont's power bill and internet bill. However, I can't ask Faye to help me with those bills anymore.

I have to find a cheaper place to live so that Faye doesn't have to help me with the rent. I fairly sure that if I move out of this place (unless I move to Searchlight) she isn't going to help me with the rent. I still have to find out what she did with the books she had put in storage for me. I doubt there in the storage locker anymore. Truth is she could have just stopped paying and left them there. I'll call her next week to discuss that. She might be a little easier to deal with if she's sober. At least, she doesn't drink when she's working or driving.

This entry is turning into a rant. I don't know how well a rant will go over in the autobiography I'm planning to use this material for. I'll just have to see when I go the edit and write that item. Right now, I'm going to close this rant, post it in my writing.com NaNoWriMo 2016 journal and get on with something else.

I Want to Cry

This is the entry for my writing.com blog for November 20, 2016

I want to cry. I'm sitting in front of my computer with a word document open and attempting to make today's Melting Snow entry. The only thing I want to do is cry. Sometimes it seems that everything falls on my shoulders at once. This morning things piled up until the darkness gather and now tears are starting to flow. I'm also on the verge of a tension headache. I can feel it gathering above my right eye. When I get tension headache they always start in my right temple. If it continues then it will spread to my left temple.

I want to cry. I want to give up and spend the rest of the day in tears, but I know that won't help. The only things that will help me at this moment is prayer and writing. I need to write out my emotions. I need to pray out my emotions. I'm placing everything in God's hands and attempting to get on with the rest of my day. I know that sitting down and crying isn't going to help. It won't help the tension headache I feel coming on. The only thing that will help the headache is to get my emotions out.

I want to cry. This happens every time I attempt to keep my emotions in. I need to cry out my emotions, but that doesn't help the tension headache. Crying seems to make the headache worse, so I have to find another way to express my emotions. Besides prayer and writing, laughter sometimes helps. I've found that I can laugh and cry at the same times. Laughter also seems to alleviate the tension headache. I'm going to post this and then do some reviews on comedy pieces. I should be able to find something that will make me laugh.

The Dampness in my Bones

I feel a chilly in the morning air. It descends through my flesh and muscles to penetrate my bones. Autumn has been difficult for me since 1999. That's when I first begin noticing the temperature in fall and winter. I think that was when my thyroid went haywire. It could have been before that that the thyroid started acting up, but in 1999 I begin to feel it's effects in my bones.

This morning I'm wearing a red Oklahoma Sooner's hoodie. It keeps me from freezing, but it doesn't do the best job in the world when it comes to keeping my arms warm. It seems to be my arms that notice the chill more than any other part of my body. I'm not sure why. I know that at night it's my shoulders that seem to get cold. The rest of my body stays warm as long as I'm wearing clothes or huddling under a blanket.

I'm sure that my thyroid has something to do with the way my body regulates warmth and feels cold. At first my thyroid was overactive, but now it's underactive. This is the results of the doctors killing my thyroid with radiation treatment. I remember the radiation treatments. It took a couple of weeks and I had to take steroids during the treatment. I suppose that could have had an effect on other organs in my body, but I couldn't worry about it then because the thyroid was the problem that had to be dealt with.

Now the problem I have to deal with, or perhaps I should say problems, concerns my kidneys and an overactive bladder. I also have high blood pressure. The biggest problem is the overactive bladder. It's irritating to have to get up several times a night and hope you get to the bathroom on time. There is also the issues of wearing disposable undergarment. They are expensive and sometimes its difficult to afford them.

I hoping to scratch up enough money to get another package Monday. I think I have enough to last me until tomorrow. I hope I have enough to last me until then. I'm expecting a check for working the election polls, but I don't think it's going to get here until the end of the week or maybe next week. Once the check comes I'll have to deposit it, pay the power bill, and then figure out how to pay the cable bill. I'm so tired of scraping for money. Then this morning the coffeemaker went out, but I can't afford to get another on because I still have other bills to pay and disposable undergarments to purchase. Well there isn't any use in worrying over something I can't do anything about today. I just need to post this entry and then get offline to say some prayer.