Evolution of love

MOTHER - A SAINT OF THE HIGHEST ORDER

On the eve of the summer vacation of 1925, my very revered friend Ral Bahadur Pran Gopal Mukherjee, the Dy. Post Master General at Dacca, invited me there, holding but as a bait the likelihood of hearing the exposition of the Bhagavata by two very learned Goswamis and also meeting a "Maji" who, the Rai Bahadur added, had impressed him very deeply. I did not give much thought to the "Maji", but accepted my friend's invitation with some alacrity as both the Goswamis he mentioned commanded great respect as sound exponents of the doctrine of the Bengali School of Vaisnavism. So I went to Dacca; and a day or two after reaching there, I accompanied the Rai Bahadur and Srijut Nani Gopal Banerji, then Lecturer in Sanskrit, Dacca University, to Shahbag, a magnificent garden of the Nawab of Dacca. The late Ramani Mohan Chakravarti, known subsequently as Bholanath, husband of Ma Anandamayi, was then Superintendent of the Shahbag gardens.
Ramani Babu was then living in a small building in the garden with his family, i.e., Ma Anandamayi and one or two other members. There were two rooms in the building, one rather small and the other a little bigger. The shades of evening were gathering, and the extensive and carefully tended garden looked sombre owing to the tall and leafy trees, filling our hearts with reverence, while the sweet perfume of the numerous flowering plants near by added a rare charm. We were given asanas (small-sized carpets for sitting on the floor) in the bigger room and near the door between the rooms, sat Ramani Babu while in the small room sat Mataji. She did not yet speak to any stranger, and questions put to her would be answered through Ramanl Babu. She sat partly veiled so that I could not get a full view of her face.
No sooner had I taken my seat than I felt myself in a peculiar state of mind, of which I had had no previous experience and the reason for which is yet a mystery to me. I had gone to see Mataji with hardly any preconceived notion, and indeed I did not expect to be very much interested. The state of mind of which I speak is difficult to describe; in any case I cannot give an adequate idea of it. All thoughts and ideas seemed to have vanished from my mind; and practically oblivious as I was of the surroundings, there was a sense of pleasure, very great pleasure, arising from what I do not know. Almost as long as I was in the presence of Mataji, my mind was in that state.
I left the place, however, with the Rai Bahadur, somewhat surprised at what had happened, and spoke to him about it on the way. He gave me the sastric name for it. What struck me then, as it strikes me now, is that this was an experience which came, as it were, of itself.
I should have regarded it as accidental, were it not for the fact that a similar experience came to me next year (1926) at 'Shibnivas' in the Nadia district in the same circumstances, i.e. sitting near Mataji while the evening closed upon us.
I was therefore led to think that on both these occasions, Mataji, for reasons best known to her, induced the peculiar state of mind in me, and since I found it very pleasurable, I felt attracted towards her. Thus began an acquaintance which her ineffable grace has ripened into a relation no whit less dear than the dearest in the world.
By 1927, Mataji began to talk to all who sought her blessings, without the restrictions she had imposed on herself so far. Oh! For the glorious days we passed in her company then! Now she does not enter the dwelling-rooms in the residence of grihasthas (married families); and wherever she goes, she has to be accommodated in a temple dharmasala or ashrams. Bu in those days, she came to our homes just like a member of the family. The ladies of the house would prepare their beds alongside that of Mataji where they would sleep with her. But generally sleep there would be very little, for there would be kirtana and conversations with her till very late at night, sometimes even till the early hours of the morning.
On those occasions, Mataji would listen sympathetically to all, sometimes speak of her own early experiences and above all, by kindliness of speech, gracious looks and sweet manners, inspire not only love and affection for her but also a faith that her presence enveloped us and would protect us in all circumstances. We did not care to ask ourselves whether she was a Siddha Mahatma or an Avatar (Divine Incarnation).
We felt that she was Mother and that we might depend upon her. Could we but be with her always in this life and hereafter, we thought we would be perfectly happy, and more we did not want. Thus it is seen that she made an assault upon our hearts, and they were hers before we knew it - the intellect came into play much later.
In February 1945, Mataji's bhaktas (devotees) at Berhampore (Bengal) made arrangements for celebrations lasting for a fortnight in view of her presence in their midst, and some Sannyasis and sadhus travelled all the way from Benares and other distant places to attend the function. I met there a very learned Swami of the Sri Sampradaya who had come from Vrindaban. In the course of conversation, he asked me: "What do you think of Anandamayi Ma?" I replied in a noncommittal manner: "The Divine Power (Daivi Sakti) seems to be manifest in her." The Swamiji said: "Mataji is certainly a saint of the highest order. We cannot however, believing as we do in the Sastras (Hindu Scriptures), agree with people who declare that she is an Avatara or that she is the Bhagavati herself."
Another very old saintly person, widely recognised as a sadhu of high order, on the other hand, prostrated himself before Mataji, saying "that was the Universal Mother Herself (Svayam Jagadamba)." When someone asked Mataji why she allowed him to fall at her feet, for at this his disciples were mortified, she replied: "Tell them that the feet of the Baba are always on my head"
I am of the opinion that for us it is an idle and entirely meaningless discussion whether Mataji is an Avatara or Siddha Mahatma. While all other creatures come to the world in accordance with the law of Karma, the Avataras come of their own free will. Siddha Mahatmas, as is well known, are also free from maya and come to the earth of their own free will, proceeding from their samskaras of doing good to the world. Some hold, however, that the difficulty of regarding Mataji as a Siddha Mahatma is insurmountable. For we have no information of any sadhana by her in this body.
On this point there is no room for any doubt. I have made enquiries for myself. The first occasion when Mataji was discovered to be in Bhava Samadhi was when she lived in our village (Astagram), and I have the evidence of reliable people, indeed of everybody living near about the place, that it lasted for nineteen hours during which she was, as it were, lifeless, so much so that ants gathered round her eyes.
The different stages that she seemed to pass through after this, came naturally and were completed within a short time and also without any instruction whatsoever from any living being, indeed, for some time, in spite of the opposition of relatives. All this points to the strange but incontrovertible fact that the various stages and forms of sadhana or spiritual exercises and evolution took place automatically in her body without any active agency on her part. The theory that her siddhi has not been attained in this body but in a previous one, does not either seem to be tenable since she Again, "Brahmavid Brahma eva bhavati" (one who knows the Brhaman becomes the Brahman Himself ).
This too, some hold, is not applicable to Mataji because, as she says, there has never been any question of knowing or not knowing so far as she is concerned. This superconsciousness may be regarded as her very nature (svabhava). This diversity of opinion regarding her essential nature, hardly. touches Mataji and her reply to those who ask her:
"What really are you?', hits in my opinion the nail right on the head. She says: "I am what you think I am."
In 1927, when Mataji was staying with us for a day or two at Rajshahi, the late Professor Aswini Kumar Mukhetji put some questions to her. In those days, Mataji used to have Bhava Samadhi, sometimes so deep that she seemed almost lifeless. Hardly could any respiration be perceived and the pulse felt at the wrists. Sometimes, again, she would roll from one end of the room to the other; and on one particular occasion in 1926, I remember she moved forward and backward on a fairly large platform in the Asram of the late Balananda Brahmachariji Maharaj at Deoghar.
Her movements were so rhythmical and yet so awe-inspiring that I, for one, was reminded of the Cosmic Dance of Devi Kali. Again at times, Mataji would in her avesha (trance-like state) utter sweet and sonorous stotras (verses) not however in ordinary Sanskrit and with a preponderance of seed mantras (bijas).
Referring to Mataji's deep samadhi, Professor Mukherji asked: "How do you feel when you are in that state?" I am afraid she will not answer such a question now. She tried then also to avoid answering; but the Professor, old as he was, respectfully insisted. Mataji then said: "As you sit in this room, you can see everything outside through the doors and windows, but when they are shut you cannot. This body feels as if all its doors and windows were shut. Again when you take a handful of mud and wash it in the water of a pond, you see how finely it spreads on the water.
So does this body feel." I do not know what Prof. Mukherji understood, but to me the meaning was clear. I understood Mataji to say that she became inwardly conscious while her outward consciousness received a check for the time being and she had a sense of expansion - Infinite Consciousness and Infinite Expansion.
Then the Professor asked: "Do you perceive the presence of any God or Goddess at that time?" Mataji tried to parry a good long while, saying that gods and goddesses might be seen if one wished to do so. But the Professor insisted: "Do you see them?" And finally she said..' "They were seen before." I understood, therefore, that she had passed from all forms to the Formless. Thus must all seekers after Truth and Reality do before their efforts are crowned with success. (In Mataji's case, there was never any effort. All the various stages came to her of themselves and as a play, not in order to attain anything.)
Mataji, to me, is one through whom shines forth in all its effulgence the Infinite, and when I bow down to her, I bow down to it (Tat). At the same time; however, I am not blind, nay I value very much the human kindness in her, her solicitude for the least of our comforts when we are with her, the sweetness of her speech and smile, the affectionate inquiry about our welfare. Call her an Avatara if you like or a Siddha Mahatma if you prefer, it makes no difference to me for all practical purposes.
Is it a tiny tot that has been brought to her? See how her face beams. Does a school or College girl want to talk to her? How kindly she receives her! Can you be half as tender as she is to the sick and decrepit? And has anybody ever had elsewhere such a balm of sympathy at the loss of a near and dear one? Yet, if you are tired of walking in the mazes of philosophy, in a few words she points out the way and you are thrilled with surprise and delight. Or if in your sadhana, a knot has to be straightened out, seek her help and see what happens. Avatara, Siddha Mahatma, whatever she may be above all she is the Mother ever tender, ever helpful, radiating love and affection. Her very sight purifies and ennobles.
That expression "shines forth", which I have used, reminds me of an experience. It was in 1926 or 27 at Shahbag and I saw her on my way to my native village. It was about 9 o'clock in the morning. She was sitting on a cot in a small room and I was squatting on the floor. There was some ordinary conversation and for a fraction of a second, I looked away from her. The next moment when I turned to her, gone was the Bengali lady and instead a resplendent form with light shining out of every pore of her body dazzled my eyes. I remember, I asked myself: "Where is the third eye?" On other occasions as well, I noticed similar transfigurations. It seems to me, she no longer has these transfigurations, nor does she have avesh or samadhi. Instead she seems now to live forever on a plane difficult or impossible for ordinary people to conceive. Once she was asked in my presence whether those who are ever conscious of the Brahman, have dealings with people. Her reply was in the affirmative. I feel she is now like that. Sympathetic and tender she undoubtedly is, yet a mystery seems to envelop her. I feel she has travelled away from us although I know that nothing can be more false than this. She once said:
"Are we separate?" Nay, Ma, I know we are not and in this knowledge is bliss; but I want to realise the truth of it, be always conscious of it.
Were I to point out one characteristic which above all shines in Mataji, I would at once say, "Non-attachment." She is kind, no one can be kinder; she is affectionate, no one can have more affection; she is sympathetic, no one can be more; she is solicitous of our welfare, I have not seen greater solicitude in anyone. My young daughter-in-law was with her at Vindhyachal for a few days and every letter she wrote was full of the description of what Mataji did for her, how she took care of her. So that in spite of her shyness, she was not in the least uncomfortable. Even now, when speaking of Mataji, her face lights up with joy. This is the feeling everyone has in the company of Mataji. And yet she is completely non-attached, nay it is because she is unattached that she can be so affectionate, so sympathetic, so kind. A non-attached person having no axe of his own to grind is the fittest to be really charitable and kind. From this non-attachment again proceeds another peculiarity of Mataji:
nobody, whatever his character, seems to be unwelcome to her. Her patience too is inexhaustible. In Calcutta, I have seen her surrounded by innumerable people almost the whole day and far into the night. She had the same gracious demeanour throughout and her kindly smile never left her face. People of all sorts and conditions come to her and probably no one goes away without feeling, however slightly, the better for the visit.
The next characteristic of Mataji that I would mention is her unwillingness to impose her will upon anybody. I have never known her do so. She suggests, she recommends, she says it would be proper to do such and such things under the circumstances, but with. a fine delicacy of feeling; never insists upon anyone to follow a particular line of action, both in matters earthly and spiritual. Indeed, the liberty she gives to all, often makes us apprehend that there is not sufficient cohesion among her followers. This however does not trouble her in the least, for she is not out to form any new sect or party. On the contrary, all sects and creeds dissolve of themselves in her presence and under her influence.
Mataji is absolutely without any sankalpa, i.e. motive. This sounds strange to ordinary mortals, to all those persons who let actions proceed from a purpose. When asked what should be done in future regarding anything, her habitual reply is "Jo ho jaye" wait for whatever happens. This is not putting off things in the manner of lazy men and women, but it means that she acts spontaneously on the inspiration of the moment. Frequently has it happened during her travels that railway tickets have been bought at her direction for places not very far, although her ultimate destination was far enough. Starting from Calcutta, for instance, tickets were purchased for Banaras, where again without interruption, the journey was continued to Delhi and then in a similar manner to Simla. This kind of motivelessness I have noticed in other great saints as well. It is this want of purpose that makes Mataji's actions tantamount to Lila and, indeed, the actions of personalities like her make it possible for us to believe that the whole universe is the Lila of the Eternal.
Mataji's way of bringing others to her point of view, if necessary, is also peculiar. I will give an instance. It is well-known that Bholanath would, at times, like a stubborn child insist on doing things that happened to come to his mind. In this, as in many other things, he was a veritable child, simple, frank, truthful and always anxious to help. Mataji, as is also well-known, would never directly go against his wishes. Indeed on this point, as in every-thing else, she set an example to the most devoted of wives. On a certain occasion in my house at Rajshahi, Bholanath insisted that a goat should be sacrificed. I was in great difficulty, for I could never think of doing such a thing. As luck would have it, someone happened to bring a goat along to the great joy of Bholanath. I spoke to Mataji, without his knowledge of course. She said, "Wait and see what happens1" I was extremely worried. She, in the meantime, lay down and seemed to go to sleep. Preparations were made to take the goat with suitable puja to a Kali temple. There was some delay; in any case arrangements for the sacrifice were not made quickly enough, and when the party with the puja materials arrived at the temple, the priest said that Dasami (tenth day of the moon) having set in just a few minutes before, there could be no animal sacrifice that day. I did not think I was yet out of the woods, for Bholanath might have insisted on the sacrifice the next day, but to my great relief he forgot all about it. And Mataji? What did she do? She sat up when the party had started for the temple.
Neither by knowledge of the Sastras nor by sadhana am I qualified to say what Mataji really is. To me, she is more or less a fascinating mystery, an attractive and elevating personality with Infinity brooding over her. To know her is definitely blissful. Thousands all over India and abroad have now come in contact with her and have been attached to her. It is not at all likely that all of them will have the same idea about her. May we have regard for all of them nevertheless for truth is elusive and have many facets. Dull uniformity is not its hallmark. The man who sincerely regards Mataji as but a woman of extraordinary spiritual development is in my opinion more blessed than one who lightly talks of her as a divinity that has strayed into our world of dust and storm. The great thing is to fix our attention upon Mataji, her words and actions, not at all the sundry theories and legends that float upon the stream of popular opinion. I may even go further and say that we should beware of the legends.
May the bliss of Mataji descend upon us all! May we all realise the truth about her! May we all be one in her Infinitude.