The Making of a Preacher -Prep

The Assignment

Lazarus Watyudid & Andy Attelpate, his physical reflection, both call the Infernal Kingdom their home. Within this dark kingdom is the state of Scalos 13 of which their town is Darty Triax.

On a very cold day, (which was barely 400 degrees on the Fahrenheit scale,) in Darty Triax, Laz & Andy were chillin' at their favorite coffee shop sippin' on a couple of Rosier Blacks, freshly-brewed without sugar, without cream, just the way they like it.

Andy blurted out, "I'm so bored! When are we going to get an assignment, something to do! I hate sitting around!"

Laz agreed. "Got that right! Bloody blackness in a cup stokes my inner flame! I'm ready to do something!"

As the old saying goes, "Be careful what you wish for." At that very moment Chaz Vanguard, their direct supervisor texted Laz with a terse command, "Be in my office in a blink or spend 30 Earth-Days in solitary!"

"We're here, Sir!" Laz spoke from the floor in front of Chaz' desk, the obsequious minor player that he was.

"You damned lazy bums are running up quite a tab at The Burnt Bean!" stormed Chaz with great exasperation.

"We're sorry, Sir!" chimed Andy. "It won't happen, again!"

"I'll say!" Chaz smiled malevolent corners of the mouth. "Your orders just came through scant minutes ago. You are to destroy a human, known as Matthew Marks. He's having doubts about that impostor, who calls himself, 'God.'"

"Isn't he already destroying himself with such doubts," Laz wondered.

"You'd think so, but these humans tend to work through their doubts to a greater level of faith," Chaz barked. "That must never happen. You both are to dog him to death. Scream in his ears to keep him from hearing our greatest nemesis! Play on his natural desires, pulling him to our side through sexual 'sins' and gluttony. Discredit his name, and he'll give up his silly career as a preacher!"

"What resources do we have to smash him into oblivion?" Andy asked.

"Human females are pretty ugly, I'll grant you, but human males find them very attractive and quite sexually appealing, ICK," Chaz pointed-out. "Use that over and over and over, again. We bring human males to social damnation every day because the weariness of their lives makes them weak against the visual fascinations of their female counterparts."

"You mean we have to look at those human females?" Laz said. "That's cruel and unusual punishment!"

"It's business, Underling!" Chaz ordered. "Besides, 'If it ain't broke, don't fix it!'"

"Of course, your wish is our command!" Laz said. "Where is our mark? When do we start?"

"Your mark lives in the state of Texas, but he will soon be moving to upstate New York," said Chaz. "He's only five years old right now, but I've seen his future wrap sheet. He is such a criminal against our kind, that you are to start immediately without relenting since he could absolutely rattle our gates unless you nip him in the bud."

"We'll do it, Sir, without fail!" chimed Laz & Andy in unison.

"You'd better or you'll be spending the rest of Eternity in solitary confinement, being absolutely bored out of your skulls!" barked Chaz. "Bring him down and do it now! That is all!"

"Of course, Sir!" they shouted at a salute.

"What are you waiting for, you dimwits?" Chaz screamed. "Scoot! Get out of here! Scram! Time's a-wastin'! Do your job & do it now!"

At that, the two underlings made a powder, and the supervisor hung his shaking head in disgust.