me...

welcome to my life!

well, here I am in a hotel room for a working conductor recertification class and am totally alone here. Lately, its been hard for me to keep my head up, I have lost so much these two years I have lost everything that meant something to me.
It is a chance to rebuild my life, I get it, but I feel so lost sometimes, like today. It seems I trusted people, and it seems not to be a good thing to trust people. I have to rethink everything all my trust and caring I gave to people.

I am so dammed upset that it trusted someone and they stabbed me in the back. Now I'm so hurt I don't know which way to turn. who to trust, I walked away from everything I know, I took the risk and lost everything.

I will go on, no doubt I will. it would be nice to find someone to trust and not use me, hurt me, lie to me, but I don't think that is in the cards, every time I find someone to trust, I get hurt again and again. I know some of it was my fault.
I made huge mistakes, I helped someone and fell for her, and she used me and then tossed me out like yesterdays trash. then found someone else and became a totally different person than the woman I knew and says she hates me, when all I did was, do the best I could in a bad situation. maybe I should have let her fail and fall apart and not spent all that time helping her emotionally and otherwise. Maybe I have learned my lesson.