The Minefields of Separation and Divorce

Do's and Don't 's

There are some obvious don't do's that we all know not to do, yet, in the heat of battle, when emotions are high, blinding your common sense, when you really feel they deserve to hear what you truly think.....these are the most crucial times to stop and think. Where one bad call, to press send or to say something, no matter how justified, you may regret down the track. You can't take it back, no matter how much you might want to, and those typed words may just come back to haunt.

You can try to then hide behind the facade of pride or vilification, but lawyers love their client's ex-partner when he is angry. They will take your words and twist them completely out of context, highlighting certain lines, while completely ignoring others that led you to the point where you felt the need to stand up for yourself, for your rights, or even for your kid's rights. It matters not to them, paid to do a job, and the worst mistake you can make is to think this is about justice...about right or wrong, or even think their lawyer cares about the situation as a whole or about the kids because they don't.

Family court lawyers are supposed to always put the interests of the children first...please. There is only one interest going on when someone walks into the practice of a family law firm, and that is money. They will say whatever the client wants them to say, then hiding behind this very common and well-worn line, ”I am instructed by my client,” thereby diminishing his or her accountability...which is so important to a lawyer. If they appear squeaky clean then nobody should notice the oozing black hole where a soul once existed

Divorce is a moneymaker for some, and I will cover this subject later but with family law, all the forms and a 'how-to' guide is on the Family Court Website. You are required by law to get a lawyer to give mediated consent order draft's the once over. So long as mediation is done with good intentions, with advice from a good facilitator, will see you avoid two hundred dollars plus an hour.

Oh, and let's not forget the 'outgoings'. These fees are the delight of any good law firm. The cost for a junior secretary to post you a letter that you probably didn't need to see is outrageous. You can contact your local community based free legal service. They cannot represent you, but can if you are in doubt, give you guidance. Legal Aid grants are not easy to get, but if you don't have the time or the confidence it may be worth filling out their application forms, but they are long and detailed and can take hours to complete

Don't get sucked into a fight you can't win. Accept that and you can save yourself so much. In war, it's smart not to put all of your forces against an enemy that has an advantage. Tactical withdrawals are not running scared, they are just you picking when and where to fight. There are two fronts in this war and two courts you may have to face. Two totally different games which are The Family Court of Australia and a Magistrate's Court. The former for distribution of the assets pool, the impending divorce and orders for the children to have shared time with both parents. The latter is a more difficult front if it is alleged that you are the perpetrator of domestic violence against your ex. And it doesn't matter whether you are or not, you will find this court is very much swung in the favour of the aggrieved.

Domestic violence is a serious matter, not just here in Australia, but all around the world and I do not take this lightly in my approach in this book. All I can do is point out some truths and hope you the reader can see some of the pitfalls of the whole issue and avoid falling into traps set by some unscrupulous persons (their lawyer) who see this advantage and abuse it to the point of making the whole issue a farce.