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Work + Family + Boys =Complicated.
I have questions that need answers!! |
| I have so many questions that need answering about life, love and just things in general. Help a young women out. |
| Ive missed boyfriends before...but not like this. I am by nature...an emotional eater...but now...I CANT EAT! Im just not hungry. The worst thing is....my mom made jokes about me not eating and I denied it because thats never happened before. Well....Im not hungry, I just want to stay in bed where we spent some of our best times together and remember. I talk to him on the phone every night for hours and I love it, but its not the same. I want him here, in person with me. Im going out to see him in five weeks...BUT I DONT WANT TO WAIT! There is nothing I want more than to be where he is. Its a strange thing, the only person I want to talk to, spend time with, just be around is a million miles away. I dont have anything special to say to him or about anything inparticular just talking to him is one of the highlights of my day. I am utterly in love and utterly low without him. I gave him all of me, he gave me all of him and we're bothing missing eachother. Its a beautiful thing. Annoying but lovely. Its nice to need someone like this and know your needed in return. So my question is... Does this missing ever get easier or go away? |
| Im in Love. Not high school love or puppy love. I mean the real deal, spend the rest of my life with this person love. The boy my friends were telling all that crap to is the boy Ive given my whole self to. He called them on their bull shit and they stopped. He knew what was true and what wasnt. When he didnt, he asked and took my word above everyone elses. When I told him my one and only deep bark secret he shrugged it off and told me how much he misses me. For the last ten days he's been here with me. They have been the best ten days of my life. This morning, the first morning without him, I feel empty. Ive always believed that you are a complete person, it doesnt take another to make you whole. But now Im rethinking the statement because I feel like Im missing apart of me. I think now its more you are a whole person UNTIL you meet that someone. When you give yourself to them completly thats when they complete you. They have to leave for some period of time and that when you know something is missing, when they arent there. He is now what and who completes me. Hes not my better half but he is my other half. After four months of in depth talking and then only ten days together I know Im done dating. I know that he is my soul mate and that I will love him forever. The best part is...HE FEELS THE SAME! Its the best and worst feeling in the world. I miss him. I cant see him for five weeks. Im empty but full and I want him more than anything in the world. I found him after all the other losers I fell for. After Military boy, Long Distance Boy, Work boy....all the boys I thought cared for me and me for them....have not even come close to this. This is an honest, no secrets, passionate, touching, beautiful relationship that feels like it was meant to be. I dont think it gets better than this....this is it. This is what people wait a life time for. What people dream and obsess about. This is the real deal. There are no questions, doubts, fears, concearns or negativity. This is love. |
| The people I went to High School with, saw every day, told my darkest secrets too, would have taken a bullet for live 14 hours away from me. I keep in touch with those I was closest too and when I go back for a visit, I see 90% of them and its very pleasant. Howeer, Ive come to the relization, I have no friends there at all. Well, thats extreme...I dont have the friends I thought I did. In High School I had a close cirlce of friends that I rarley strayed from. I knew lots of people outside of our click and hung out with them the odd time but in the end, my friends were my number one and I never had any secrets from them. I told them things as they happened, good or bad and assumed that they were non-judgemental. I was wrong. I had a lot of boyfriends in Highschool, most of whom I stayed friends with afterwards. I never slept with someone I went to high school with while I was in high school. I never started a roumour althought I did sometimes not stop myself from helping pass one along. I did not ever blow off my friends for a boy and unless I was asked to put in a good word with a boy about one of my friends...ever tell them "my friend really likes you". Even within my cirlce of friends, I didnt often share the others secrets. If one of my friends confessed their huge crush for someone, I didnt run off to tell the other friends. There were cases where I told my other friends if I was worried like a good friend would do. I made some bad choices for myself. For example, I would go to a party, drink a little to much and maybe get a little to friendly with a boy. They were never attatched to a significant other. It was never someone that I knew one of my friends was after. It wasn't even that often someone I went to school with. It was just something I shouldnt have done. However, now its all coming back to bite me. Ive always known that girls unconscienly talk about girls behind their backs, its common knowledge anywhere you go. I didn't know though, that my friends that I was such an awful person. At my birthday party with my High School friends, a friend of mine that they didnt know so well, attended. When I wasnt around they told him basically that I was a slut and that I would basically rip his heart out for the fun of it. He hasnt talk to me since. When I went out after New Years, one of my friends brought a potentioal Boyfriend of theirs. I was sitting across from him and was just making general conversation. WE WERE TALKING ABOUT SNOW!!! Ileft to go to the bathroom and a few of my friends decided to tell him that Im manipulative and superficial. What kind of friends are out to sabatoge? I'm really into a boy friend of mine back home. My last visit out there we fell for eachother. We are not dating, just talking, but there is definatly something there. I didnot know that my best friend though, likes him. When we kissed infront of her, obviously it hurt her. When she told me how she felt for him, I apologized and ment every word of it. I would never do that to her, she's my bestest. Him and I now just talk. I haven't told him how she feels for him. I made up an excuse about the distance which is also a huge concern. Anyway, I keep putting in good words for her that she doesnt know about...but he doesnt like her, because of what she and the other friends say about me and eachother behind their backs. No matter what I do at this point, it doenst sound like she has a chance because girls will be girls. He's been telling me what their saying with out telling me who specifically said it. I know who goes to these parties though so it all gets narrowed down pretty good. They make me sound like a god awful person. I've made mistakes but they never effected them. There were times I was selfish and wanted to talk about my problems but they did the same and I always listened. I did my best to make time to hang out with them as often as possible. I stood up for them even when I knew what they were being accused of was true. In break ups I tried not to take sides although sometimes it didnt always work out. If they asked me a question about something, I was always honest. Some of what they've told this boy, I have done. Some of it is so embelished that there is no truth behind it, its been lost. Either the source who told them screwed it up or they were trying hard to make me look bad. Then there are some things, I didnt even know I did. I decided in grade ten after being accused of making out with a popular boy at school, that I should be over honest with people. They accused me of making out with him and I told them the truth. Yes, Popular boy was at the party and we talked, but I didnt swap spit with him. I sucked face with that Nerdy Kid over there. No matter what the truth was, it didnt look good but atleast it was the truth. Ive done that ever since. "Yes I slept with him" "No I was never pregnant" "No I didnt cheat but the thought entered my head. Thats why we broke up" Its much easier. I thought my friends knew this...but I think theyve chosen to forget. I'm having the worst time I think Ive ever had right now, and I cant talk to my parents about it. I want my friends. But even though theyre really far away, Im to afraid and hurt to pick up the phone and call them. Im afriad theyll just spread it around, use it against me, twist my words and just distort me. Im not a bad person. I think overall, Ive been a pretty good friend, never perfect...but really not bad. I'm probably the most hurt Ive ever been...and that says alot. Why do people do this? How am I supposed to talk to them about this? What made them silly enough to think that I wouldnt find out? |
| I moved here for school...and after a a year long process they've rejected me. Its not completely my fault that they've rejected me, however...I feel like the worst person in the world. I've never officially failed at anything in my life...until now. I failed to gain acceptance at something I know I'm good at. Since I found out, I cant stop crying. I'm quite confident that I'll never amount to anything great, mediocre if I'm lucky, but nothing fantastic and I've become okay with that. I knew that before I screwed this whole thing up it's just cemented now. Its not the most positive out look and I relize that BUT for me, it is realistic. My mother hates it when I say that. Anyway, she called me today and gave me hell. We've faught before, countless times, but today wasnt one of our usual fights. For the first time, we really yelled and screamed at each other. It got personal.We took the gloves off, or atleast she did, and just went for it. She told me to get over myself, that I should have asked for help and that I can't do everything alone and that if I had let them help none of this would have happened. The thing is, I did ask for help...just not hers. I did everything my parents told me to do, I just didnt get the right answers from the school and since it was ME applying to the school and not my family...I had to do most of it alone. Basically I'm a screw up and a failure and she's very dissapointed in me. The "d" word always gets me. I know my family is proud of me most of the time but its not a word I hear a lot. When the "d" word comes out..it kills me every time. Obviously I got deffensive with Mom when all this was said, how could you not? It just made everything worse. I think I cried for about 45 minutes in the Safeway parking lot. I'm already dissapointed in myself, I dont need her doing it too. I know as a mother its apart of her job; I'm always told that. When I talked to Dad about it he said that mom just got her words mixed up and that she was really just dissapointed FOR me. I think he's making excuses, keeping the peace kind of thing. She needs to back off sometimes and just LET me do things on my own. I dont ask for help but its always there, I get suffocated. They want so badly to be apart of my life, which I want to but not in every aspect ALL the time. Sometimes I just need to be alone, to just be me, with no expectations, offers of help or words of wisdom or encouragement. I thought it would be harder for my dad to let me grow up but it wasn't...he's pretty good about it. So my question is... ...Is she really dissapointed in me...or for me? ...And what's the difference?? |
| He dissappeared basically. I haven't heard from him in ages, no text, no calls...literally nothing. It kind of hurts. I really believed everything last time and thought that maybe I could be strong enough to try the whole Military thing and I almost was. I guess I'm not though because I haven't heard from him in weeks and I'm not only upset and taking it quite personally...I'm mad at him! I thought he could atleast have the decency to call and say something a long the lines of "maybe now isn't a good time", but no. Nothing is definatly better. f*** that. So in my haste to be angry I went out on a date last night with a total loser. He tried to kiss me by telling me that I had something on his lip. Obviously I did not kiss the poor guy. He was trying to hard to be cool and bad ass...it just didn't work. Nice enough guy but really not comfortable with himself. I'M SO MAD AT BOYS...especially the one. Because of him, I'm not only done with him for good, I'm done with boys for good. I can't hand;e thime anymore, I have no patience left for them. It would take some one very special to change my mind now Or atleast that's what I think. I'm not a man hater usually, I just will be for a while...more so out of principle than anything. So my question is: -Would it have been so difficult for him to just call and say "not now"? |
| I'm exhausted. I have to write an article for a paper by July 10th...and I got nothing! It's so frusterating that it's physically painful! I haven't slept in days because when I'm not staring blankley at my computer screen, I'm keeping myself up at night trying to figure it all out. The paper like my writing style and claims that it's unique, which flattered me completley. My problem is they didn't tell me what they want it to be about, how many words it should be, things they would hate...no detail. I asked all the right questions but they didn't have any answers. In high school I would have loved having this kind of opporunity to have a voice, but right now it's just frusterating. At least give me a general topic!! Tell me that it's a human interest piece or that you want a current event or something about politics in the area, SOMETHING! Now, because of their lack of detail, I'm sitting here at work doing the wild head bob. It sneeks up on me, this desperate need to sleep right then and there. Next thing you know my eyes are closed and my chin is pushed against my chest! So I relize this is happeing and I quickly become upright again, hence the ugly, unbecoming, violent head bob. Some people.... So my question is: What should I write about?!?!?!?!?!?!!?! |
| Casual professional...that's nice pants and a nice shirt. NOTHING SHOWY! I follow that but I still get yanked into the boss's office! I'm currecntly wearing a sleevles turtle neck thats pink and a pair of black dress carpi's with cute black kitten heels.Very appropriate, infact, I look like a stylish Nun. However, my boss just told me that I'm dressing to provacativly and that I need to tone it down. Work is not the time or place, I was reminded. He said that I may not be acting that way or talking inappropiatly to the boys in the other part of the building but I am dressing in such a manner that I have become some what of a distraction. Is that my fault? I'm covered. The boys I work with scare me. I do not flaut anything around them ever....even if we all go out to a bar on the weekend, I'm always covered (and sober) around them. I know that work isn't the time or place for those kind of things and work people aren't the people I'd like to do those things with anyways! For god sakes....What do I need to do? I'm not wearing make up, my hair isnt done and I have a nice shinner on my forehead. There is nothing for anyone to look at right now! The worst part is my boss says he "knows its not my fault". Why are they talking to me then? I can't fix any of this but its really frusterating. Not my kind of problem.... So my question is -If I'm not flirting, dressing provacativly, flauting whatever it is they think I have....what's wrong with my turtle neck and pants? Shouldn't these people just leave me alone? Shouldn't they be talking to the boys who are apparently distracted? What can I possibly do to fix this if it's "not my fault"??? ....some people |
| Although two wrongs don't make a right, a lovely romantic speech can make it all better. The jerky secrect crush is not exactly a jerk....he's actually just....stupid. I saw him on the weekend. He wanted me to come out with him and his friends but I wasn't in a going out mood. He pissed me off so bad that I just wanted to yell at him. I wanted him to see it so he would know how mad and how hurt I was about everything. I kind of stalked him a little bit around town before I got the nerve to yell at him as he walked down the street. When he relized who was yelling at him he came over to my car, leaned in the window and tried to kiss me! Infront of all of his friends, I flew off the deep end and started yelling at him. I was so mad, I dont even know what I was saying. He wanted to get into my car so we could talk alone but I wouldn't unlock the door for him. He begged, I liked it, so I let him in. For twenty minutes we argued about everything, put everything out there and it felt good. I told him that I knew about the girl he was making out with and he said that he knew! I was shocked. This was what he said, "Anna, I knew you would see those pictures. I didn't want to but I needed to hurt you. I needed you to stop being you so that I could do my job. You can't be in the military and be thinking about someone all the time. You have to be focused, no distractions...and you're my distraction" He went on but I wasn't really listening. What he was saying made some sence but couldnt he just have told me to back off? Anyway in the end, once everything was on the table I told him how hurt I was and how lead on I felt. He told me that he regrets his decision of wanting to be just friends after everything that has happened but he stood by his reasons. He has to go over sea's eventually and really aweful things can happen. He can be missing body parts, have new holes in him or worse yet, he could die! It doesnt matter what happens, he's not coming home the same person and I know that. I knew all of it, the aweful things that can happen and the person who he could be when he gets home. He says he doesnt want to put me through that. I inturrupted him and said... "I like you and I wouldnt get into this if I wasn't aware of all of the posibilities. They suck, I dont like them, but I like you so I'll deal with them and be there for you no matter what, friend or other wise." I mean every word of it, friend or otherwise. He started talking about how he could die again when he stopped mid sentence and asked me to go out with him! He said that we should try it, it would be worse if we didn't and that no matter what, after all we've been through he has no doubt we'll be friends after. It's true we will/would. I said yes, that I wanted to try. He kissed me like I've NEVER been kissed before. It took my breath away, made my heart race, my hands tingle, the world spin and stand still all at the same time. He spent the night with me that night and I took him back to base in the morning. All night he was touching me one way or another and I loved it. Best four hour sleep of my life  .It does sound retarded that he tried to hurt me to save me, it sounds like a bunch of crap but I do want to try it. I hate the fect that I can never get a hold of him, I have to wait for him to call me but I'll get used to it. I want to try this and I'm going to try really hard. I know it wont be easy but arn't the things you work for the ones worth having? So my question is... Why do people jump to the worst case senario when it comes to someone they like? |
| Forever, I've wanted s strappy little sun dress. I could picture it, the exact one I wanted but I never could find it. Last week...it appeared in a store in exactly my size and I bought it. My sun dress and I are very happy together....until about 20 minutes ago when my right strap decided to snap and my right boob decided to come barreling out. My straps are thin and the top is tight so no bra is needed. Actually one can't really be worn....leaving my boob, just out there....AT WORK!! Thank god no body saw, if they had they would have been in a fit of laughter, but I'm perma-red right now and I dont see it ever going away. I basically covered myself A.S.A.P. and ran to the bathroom.....my beautiful dress is now being held together by a small frail saftey pin. I'm ok as long as my boob and my strap dont conspire against me again. I'm very afraid to move. From now...bra's are a must with any outfit! So my question is WHO CAME UP WITH THE BRIGHT IDEA OF USING LITTLE PLASTIC LOOPS TO ATTCHACH THE STRAP TO THE GOD DAMN DRESS?!?!?!?! Stupid plastic. |
| I've met someone who is very nice. He makes me laugh, he can hold an intelligent conversation, he's ambitious and successful, he's cultured, he's a total goof and he's a great listner without being overly sympathetic but more realistic. He tells me when I'm being stupid of when I'm really onto something without being mean and condisending. He's only 20 and owns a brand new house with his brother, a brand new car, travels, great clothes and still manages to save.Yes these are material things but they aren't the point. They show me that he can manage his money...he has his shit together! He's social! He's into family! He's really open!!! He's sanitary! He has straight teeth! He's tall! He's happy! He doesnt do drugs or drink and drive! He makes you feel comfortable! He loves his job! He likes learning! He's borderline perfect!!! In all fairness I've just met him and I'm still getting to know him. What I know I like...but I have a problem and a half. I know it sounds funny but it really is a problem and a half. The half problem is that I live two hours away. It's only a slight problem because two hours can be over come without any one relocating. It just sucks. The real problem is that he works with my mother! They are employed by the same company. Mom introduced us and we went out one night and had a really great time. Now we talk on the phone and I'm going up to see him and the parents this upcoming weekend. She has however, without a doubt or loop whole in sight, made it clear that I am not to do ANYTHING with this boy other than friend things. "You will not touch, dance, kiss, hug, have sex with, look at, flirt, hold hands, day dream or string along this boy!" she said. "I work with him. No one I work with will ever date you." She announced this to my entire family on the weekend. I was not making plans to 'date' this boy but I would be lieing if I said I wasn't interested in this boy. He intrigues me; I always have a question for him and he always has an answer. Don't get me wrong, my mom likes the guy and is all for us hanging out and doing friend things...but it is not to go past that. I have crossed this line a little...I flirt with him. I usually don't start it, he does...but I don't stop it either. I've told him how my mom feels...and I think he thinks I'm joking. I'm really not. My friend says that if this is going to lead anywhere else, the poor guys is going to have to ask permission to date me! Worst part is...she's right, he would have too. My whole theory is that if we were to date his intentions would be unquestionable! He's dating someones daughter...someone he sees EVERY day! Isn't that the greatest form of intimidation? I figured parents would find that kind of thing very convenient. So my question is: -Does my mom really have the right to draw that line if she knows he's a good guy or should I really just not push it this time? |
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