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 |   Tales from real life |
| Well, if they're not true, they oughta be! |
Extortion is far more profitable than business, and it's less work too! - The Gospel of Trump There have been multiple reports of law firms caving in to demands from the Trump administration. Some have promised him free legal services, some have donated to his personal political action committee, and all of them have promised to support his white supremacy agenda. The Trump goons prefer to call it 'anti-diversity' but we all know what they mean (and it is mean). Why this sudden burst of craven cowardice? The president has issued a formal memo to the Justice Department and Homeland Security that directs them to open an investigation into any law firm who brings a civil case against the Trump administration. What might best describe this tactic? To borrow a term from the president himself, this is weaponization of the Justice Department for his own personal benefit. But that's only one example of blatant corruption in the White House. The Trump criminal organization has also begun selling presidential pardons. Last Friday, Trump signed a pardon for Trevor Milton, founder of an electric vehicle company named Nikola. Milton defrauded investors by showing them a faked video of a Nikola truck. He claimed that the video showed a prototype vehicle in operation when it was actually just coasting downhill. And closer inspection revealed that it was really a GM product disguised with Nikola badging. The video evidence made the case an easy win for the prosecution. Milton was found guilty of fraud and sentenced to four years in prison. Why would Trump pardon such an obvious con man? Well, Milton is on record as being a staunch Trump supporter and, more importantly, he recently donated $1.8 million to Trump's personal PAC. I don't know if that's a bribe, a quid pro quo, or just a favor. Those terms all seem to be interchangeable in Washington D.C. these days. At any rate, when asked about giving the pardon, Trump said that he didn't actually know the man or the details of the case. He merely 'heard good things about him' from 'a lot of people'. The president also tossed out a conjecture that Milton was prosecuted only because he's a Trump supporter. Why would malicious prosecution spring to mind? I suppose it's kind of like using the Justice Department to prosecute a law firm just because they represent someone who isn't a Trump supporter. You might also wonder how Trevor Milton gained access to make such a deal. It turns out that he hired Brad Bondi to plead his case. Does that name sound familiar? Yep, Brad is Attorney General Pam Bondi's brother. And he's getting a nice fat fee for using his sister's position in the Trump administration to further the interests of his client. Hmm, isn't that pretty much what Hunter Biden was accused of? Of course, there wasn't ever any real evidence against Hunter Biden. Maybe that was also malicious prosecution, because he wasn't a Trump supporter. Maybe he should have been more open about soliciting bribes. And more forthcoming about giving the Don a taste. |
Occasionally, this topic is suggested in the WDC newsfeed: Name something that you're simply happy with... For me, that would be my 2008 Mazda Miata convertible. I started looking for a convertible in 2010, after driving a 'pop-top' Honda Del Sol for a couple of years. That car had been gifted to me by my older sister. It felt a little tired at 180,000 miles, but I enjoyed the (almost) open-air experience with the top removed. And the engine was still running well, so I regifted the Del Sol to my daughter and told my wife that I needed a real convertible for myself (Liz drove the Del Sol another 30K miles). There were a number of desirable cars available at the time, even after I disqualified the four-door models as too big and the Lotus Elise as too exotic (but super cool). I considered the Saturn Sky, Toyota MR2, Honda S2000, BMW M3, even the FIAT Spider. They were all attractive cars with the top down, but less so with the ragtop up. I decided that I wanted a power retractable hardtop. That left only the Mazda Miata in my price range. But that was okay, because Mazda builds reliable cars that get good gas mileage. The Miata may be a bit short on horsepower, but it provides a ton of fun. And a Miata with the hardtop up is almost as pretty as it is with the hardtop down. I got lucky in 2011 when a low-mileage Miata PRHT model showed up at a nearby Toyota dealership. The paint is Stormy Blue Mica, and it has the upgraded suspension package with 17-inch wheels, Bilstein shocks, and a limited slip rear differential. In other words, Zoom-Zoom! The Toyota salesman told me it was a trade-in from a guy who married a woman with 2 kids and needed the interior space of a RAV4. The salesman was also motivated by the cold February rain to move that convertible quickly. So, I got exactly the car I wanted, with only 4300 miles on it, for $10,000 dollars less than new. And I've been simply happy with it for the last fourteen years. Something I haven’t been happy with is an arthritic left knee. The reason I finally gave up my motorcycle and bought the Miata is that my knee no longer felt solid enough to handle riding. And it’s only gotten worse over the years. I've seen doctors, I've used lots of aspirin and, recently, I've begun to contemplate a knee replacement. So, a couple of weeks ago I saw an orthopedist to discuss the alternatives. He insisted on a new series of X-rays and determined that I have advanced arthritis. Well, duh. Then he drained 30cc of fluid from the knee and gave me a cortisone shot. He told me I could proceed with a knee replacement whenever I was ready, but the cortisone might allow me to postpone an operation for another year or two. I can hardly believe how well it worked! Why didn't I try that years ago? I started walking normally again immediately. The sun was shining brightly as I left the clinic, and so was my attitude. I felt like a kid with a new toy. I felt so good that I got a bit overexuberant on the drive home. I love cranking up the tunes and going through the gears in my Miata. I like going fast, but I admit that I'm slightly less skilled than the average grand prix driver. I missed a shift and hit the gas in fifth when I meant to be in third. The RPMs went zoom, but the car did not. Uh, oh, what's that acrid burning smell? Yep, I fried the clutch. The car still drove okay (as long as I didn't accelerate too hard), but like my arthritic knee, I knew it would only get worse with time. And unlike the knee, there's no quick fix to make the clutch feel better. So, I took the Miata in for a new clutch. Things had changed since my last service appointment. They have this new-fangled thing called the internet now. The Mazda shop sent me a link to a video of the mechanic going over my car. The first thing he said when opening the hood was that it smelled like burnt clutch. Not a surprise. Then he looked at the fluids. The engine oil was okay by mileage but overdue by the calendar. The differential, transmission, power steering, and brake fluid had all been changed at the 40,000-mile service, but that was eleven years ago. So, I told the shop to bring all the scheduled maintenance up to date while they were at it. I haven’t put a lot of miles on the Miata since my retirement in 2016, but time marches on. The mechanic looked at my tires and pronounced them expired. How could that be? They had less than 20,000 miles on them since, uh, 2014. I’d never heard the term expired used for tires before, but he pointed out several places where the twelve-year old tread was starting to chunk off little bits of rubber. Adding four new tires to the bill made a total of ouch! But I love that car, and the new clutch feels even better than my lubricated knee. So, even after the big bill, if you ask me to name something that I'm simply happy with . . . It would still be my 2008 Mazda Miata convertible. Zoom-Zoom! |
There may be political ideas worth dying for, but there none that are worth killing for. This week, Donald Trump expanded his campaign for world dominance by ordering the murder of dozens of Houthi rebels. Do you know who the Houthis are? Where they live? What they're rebelling against? Or why the U.S. military conducted an air strike against them? Neither do I, but we're in good company. No one at the White House knows either. The Houthis are generally anti-American, but they didn't commit any specific offense to trigger the strike. They're an irritant to the Yemeni government, but they don't present much of a threat to the U.S. So, what's the deal? Well, their dead are intended partly to serve as an object lesson for Iran. We know this because subtlety is not Donald Trump's strong suit. He publicly boasted that killing Houthi rebels was a 'signal' to the Iranian government. Some signal. It takes a truly evil person to abuse their official power to the extent of murder. But the killings weren't really about Iran either, they were primarily an ego boost for Donald J. Trump. Imagine how powerful that nasty old man feels to wield the Godlike power of death. I'll bet it really stiffens his little mushroom. Everyone will have to take him seriously if he kills a bunch of people, right? Adolph Hitler and Mao Zedong aren't mocked as pathetic losers. And the American news media will surely get the message and start giving him positive news coverage. Or else a lot more people might have to be killed. I mean look what happened to the Houthis. But being Trump means never doing the right things and never doing things right. Acting president Musk took the shine off Donald's triumph by pointing out that it's the unelected bureaucrats (like himself and Pete Hegseth) who do the actual killing. Despite pulling the strings, Donald Trump remains a pathetic loser. Just a figurehead to be exploited by those who wield the real power. |
Earning My Derision (to the tune of Losing My Religion by R.E.M.) Your lies are bigger They're bigger than you And you are not nice The lengths that you will go to The disdain in your eyes Oh, please, don't say that stuff You're fucking up That's you at the rally That's you in the spotlight Sowing your dissension I try to withstand your lies And I don't know if I can do it Oh, no, you've said too much You never could shut up I can always hear you sneering Your insults are meant to sting You always play the bully Every moment Of every waking hour You choose to drag me down I try to find some good in you Like a hurt, lost and blinded MAGA fool Oh, no, I've lost too much I've been set up Consider this Consider this, the hint of the century Consider this, your whip That brought me to my knees, failed What if all your fantasies come Flailing down Oh, yes, you're fucking up I can always hear you sneering Your insults are meant to sting You always play the bully And I can only scream All I have are screams That's you at the rally That's you in the spotlight Earning my derision I try to withstand your lies And I don't know if I can do it Oh, no, you've said too much You never could shut up I can always hear you sneering Your insults are meant to sting You always play the bully And the pain won't go away Try, cry, why try? That’s my nightmare scream Just a scream Just a scream, scream |
This was my entry for the February 2025 round of the The Humorous Poetry Contest  .Knock, Knock, Madame “Knock, knock,” I cry in urgent pain. “Who could it be?” you ask again. “Tis I, madame, let me explain.” “Begone, strange man, you plead in vain.” “I do not wish to be a bore, but lift the latch, I must implore.” “I’ve opened once, so why do more?” “Because my damn foot’s in the door!” When I was a kid, I would never have dropped an f-bomb. My mom would have beat my butt with her yardstick and then washed my mouth out with Ivory soap (99 44⁄100% pure). To be fair, she was actually much more kind than strict. You could count the number of times she used the yardstick on one hand and the soap sessions on the other. It must have been effective, though, because I rarely swear or use rough language. Beyond an occasional dammit when I stub a toe or hammer my thumb, of course. Nobody's perfect, and even 99 44⁄100% pure is a tall order. My generally polite usage is especially surprising because my dad was a real pro with vulgar invective. He learned early from cowboys, miners, and loggers, then honed his skill with a four-year stint in the navy. Dad could swear fluently and at length without being boring or repetitive (unlike most stand-up comics). But that was his outside voice. He (mostly) refrained when he was in the house or with his family in public. None of us kids ever even tried to match his example. We thought it was clever to get away with saying things like 'dam water' or 'hell-o operator'. Oh, days of innocence lost! One opportunity for childish hilarity was this knock, knock joke: Knock, knock! Who's there? Madame Madame who? My damn foot's stuck in the door! My poem is intended as an homage to that old joke. I agree that the last line is strained, but I decided to remain true to the way I remember the punchline. |
A couple of years ago, there was near panic as a Chinese spy balloon drifted across the entire continental U.S before being shot down by heroic U.S. aviators. Apologists for the communist regime claimed it was merely a 'weather balloon'. They said it was no different from the dozens of balloons released every year by our own National Weather Service. I'm not so sure that it was an innocent science mission. That balloon came within hundreds of miles of several sensitive U.S. sites. It had a number of so-called meteorological devices that could have gathered vital information about rainfall, windspeed. or even reservoir levels. The only thing that prevented a more serious data breach was that it had no directional control. Thank God for Asian drivers! But there is a much larger conspiracy being perpetrated on the American public by even more nefarious agents of a foreign government. Imagine a fleet of millions of high-tech spy vehicles roaming across America with cameras, microphones, radar, and GPS tracking. And many of these interlopers have been given permission to access secure government parking areas. They're even waved through checkpoints at military bases! It may seem inconceivable, but the co-president of the United States, an unelected bureaucrat, is the one behind the conspiracy. And he's given the 'elected' president a $300 million bribe to look the other way as he undermines America. I'm talking about Tesla spy craft, of course. We know for a fact that every one of Elon's electric vehicles is connected to the internet. Collectively, they can upload Terabytes of sensitive data to Russia's Foreign Intelligence Service every day. They can listen and record every word uttered in their vicinity. They have millions of camera eyes monitoring our every move. And here's another chilling fact. Every one of these self-driving cars is capable of piloting itself to a classified target to gather secret intelligence. No driver needed! And, very soon, they'll be able to contact Vladimir Putin directly through the Starlink satellite constellation. Russia, are you listening? |
Selling your soul only feels wrong while you have one. Once it's gone, you don't miss it at all. - The Gospel of Trump I called the university and booked some time on their scanning electron microscope today. I wanted to see if I could find some respect for President Trump. No go. I felt bad about it for a minute and then I thought, Wait, maybe I should look at him instead of me. If I can detect any reason at all to respect him, then I might feel better. I set the microscope to its maximum magnification and looked for compassion, kindness, or humility. Nope, nope, and nope. Well, Christian virtues aren't everything. Maybe I can find courage, integrity, or wisdom. Not a trace. There has to be something positive, what about humor, intelligence, or good looks? Not even a blip. Then the view became murky, and I realized that the lens was completely fouled with uttered bullshit. I shook my head in disappointment and left. My time slot was about done, anyway. |
If crime doesn't pay, then you're doing it wrong. - The Gospel of Trump Today the U.S. officially declared their support for the Russian invasion of Ukraine. This change of position was made public with a pro-Russia vote at the United Nations. It would have been unthinkable just six weeks ago. But the corruptor in chief campaigned on a platform of vengeance and it's the only promise that he can be trusted to keep. Decent American citizens and free elections may be his primary enemies, but he has a long list, a long memory, and he longs to get even with the entire world. And for such a lazy, cowardly man, the only way to get to even is to drag others down. When Donald Trump was appointed president in 2016 as a DEI hire (Didn't Earn It), he realized that his position was precarious. He knew that Barack Obama was his superior in intellect, political acumen, and as a man. And Trump was cunning enough to understand that Obama's vice president was still a threat. Most people didn't take Joe Biden seriously as a candidate, but Trump feared him as an extension of the Obama presidency. But the problem with attacking Joe Biden is that he's always been a decent and honorable man. So, the dishonorable thing to do was to attack Joe's kids instead. Punching down is right in Trump's wheelhouse and abusing the power of the presidency is a trivial matter to a career criminal. He fully expected the president of Ukraine to be equally corrupt and 'do me a favor though.' He wanted Zelenskyy to manufacture evidence against Hunter Biden so that Trump could smear Joe by proxy. His ploy failed miserably, and Trump was proven right about the Biden threat. Voters transferred their admiration for Obama to Joe Biden and Trump was humiliated at the polls in 2020. The big lie and the insurrection were purely about an egomaniac trying to save face. A pathetic loser like Trump needs his revenge and Ukraine is high on his enemies list. I am 100% certain that Trump gave a green light to the Russian invasion of Ukraine. Getting others to do the dirty work is classic Trump. He would have hinted that Americans admired strong men like Putin and that they would never support a clown like Zelenskyy. He would have praised the takeover of Crimea with words like manifest destiny and played up Russian superiority to the lesser Slavic peoples. Trump may even have been cunning enough to suggest the invasion in such a way that Putin believed it was his own idea. Trump publicly sowed seeds of doubt to weaken NATO and encourage Putin. And he has consistently belittled Americans who support military aid for Ukraine. And now it's all coming together. An autistic billionaire who isn't good at picking up on social cues is doing the dirty work for a sociopathic liar whose only real talent is gaslighting the gullible. What could go wrong? A million casualties over three years and 100 billion dollars in infrastructure damage? That doesn't bother Donald Trump. He's never had any skin in the game. They weren't his people, and it wasn't his country. But now he's poised for the biggest win of his life. The partition of Ukraine into Russian and U.S. zones of influence isn't just a brilliant theft. It's also a most satisfying revenge on a stupid little man who doesn't understand that favors are how business gets done. |
| There's nothing new under the sun. The text below is from the Old Testament. Habakkuk was a prophet who lived around 612 BCE. If you substitute 'Russians' for 'Chaldeans' in verse 6, 'MAGA' for 'people' in verse 14, and 'Trump' for 'enemy' in verse 16, then it reads like it was written yesterday. Habakkuk 1 - The Prophet's Complaint 1 The oracle that the prophet Habakkuk saw. 2 O Lord, how long shall I cry for help, and you will not listen? Or cry to you “Violence!” and you will not save? 3 Why do you make me see wrongdoing and look at trouble? Destruction and violence are before me; strife and contention arise. 4 So the law becomes slack and justice never prevails. The wicked surround the righteous— therefore judgment comes forth perverted. 5 Look at the nations, and see! Be astonished! Be astounded! For a work is being done in your days that you would not believe if you were told. 6 For I am rousing the Chaldeans, (Russians) that fierce and impetuous nation, who march through the breadth of the earth to seize dwellings not their own. 7 Dread and fearsome are they; their justice and dignity proceed from themselves. 8 Their horses are swifter than leopards, more menacing than wolves at dusk; their horses charge. Their horsemen come from far away; they fly like an eagle swift to devour. 9 They all come for violence, with faces pressing forward; they gather captives like sand. 10 At kings they scoff, and of rulers they make sport. They laugh at every fortress, and heap up earth to take it. 11 Then they sweep by like the wind; they transgress and become guilty; their own might is their god! 12 Are you not from of old, O Lord my God, my Holy One? You shall not die. O Lord, you have marked them for judgment; and you, O Rock, have established them for punishment. 13 Your eyes are too pure to behold evil, and you cannot look on wrongdoing; why do you look on the treacherous, and are silent when the wicked swallow those more righteous than they? 14 You have made people (MAGA) like the fish of the sea, like crawling things that have no ruler. 15 The enemy (Trump) brings all of them up with a hook; he drags them out with his net, he gathers them in his seine; so he rejoices and exults. 16 Therefore he sacrifices to his net and makes offerings to his seine; for by them his portion is lavish, and his food is rich. 17 Is he then to keep on emptying his net, and destroying nations without mercy? |
I never met a scam I didn't like. - The Gospel of Trump Actions speak louder than words. The Trump administration is officially and openly an organized crime organization. His cabinet is made up of professional liars, convicted felons, sexual predators, nasty drunks, and mental defectives. Some of his cabinet picks and agency appointees openly bought their nominations with campaign donations. Others begged his favor on their knees, with their head between his knees. The only firm requirement to be part of the Trump administration is to swear a corrupt allegiance to The Donald first, MAGA second, and country last. Even democrats can join the Trump crime family if they can prove themselves to be morally bankrupt and utterly corrupt. Using the Department of Justice for Trump's personal political ends is the most blatant act of corruption to date. The offer to drop federal charges against democratic mayor Eric Adams in return for his loyalty is simple extortion. And the negotiations at Mar-a-Lago for his soul weren't even done in secret. The ass-kissing photo-op was publicly proclaimed. It was followed the next day by an announcement that the U.S. attorney in New York had been ordered to withdraw the charges against Mayor Adams. Again, the deal wasn't kept secret. The order from Washington DC said plainly that the DOJ decision was made without evaluating the evidence or the legal basis for the charges against Adams. It's almost too difficult to believe, but the so-called president actually wanted a public example of how he's solidifying his grip on absolute power. So, Tom Homan gleefully humiliated the New York Mayor on FOX television. He openly referred to the agreement that Trump forced on Adams at Mar-a-Lago. Then Homan explicitly threatened to reinstate the charges if Adams doesn't do as he's told. He made it plain that Trump 'owns' Adams and has full control of New York City. In a legitimate administration this corrupt quid-pro-quo would be grounds for dismissal of both Homan and Attorney General Pam Bondi. But for these MAGA Capos there is no conscience, no shame, and no accountability. Just like the Don himself. |
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