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 |  This is my blog & my hope, writing daily will help me see my progress and log supporters. |
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| "Worrying is like paying a debt you don't owe"...Mark Twain. I try not to worry, although, to a certain extent, most people do. I may or may not have upcoming immigration issues. I shouldn't be too concerned because I know that as long as I don't overstay my visa, commit crimes, and follow the rules, any issues I may face will be easily sorted in the usual Thai fashion: pay what is asked and smile as I do it. Because of these negative thoughts, I've been considering what to do if Thailand refuses to renew my visa in June 2025...a Plan B of sorts. Many countries around the world welcome ex-pats, and some even allow foreigners to purchase freehold properties. Malaysia is the only country in SE Asia where I can own both land and buildings. There are also options in some South American countries. I know there's a long time to go before any possible problems arise, and in the meantime, I need to relax and enjoy my retirement one day at a time..but it's still playing on my mind. I could always go back to Australia, and that got me thinking. If I were to return, how long could I hold out before relapsing? The truth is I would be thinking about scoring on the flight home. I don't think I would last but a few days before falling back into my addiction. This is something I need to address. I have to admit that I've run away from my problems, but as yet, haven't addressed them fully...otherwise, I wouldn't be so sure about what I would do upon my return. The funny thing is that if I wanted meth...or Ice as it is known here in Thailand, the place is flooded with the stuff. All I would need to do is walk into a bar, talk to some girls and ask for it, and it wouldn't take long before I would be high again. I understand that would be a big mistake...not just for my mental and physical health, but because getting caught by police with drugs here is no laughing matter and could result in going to a Thai prison for a very long time. That deterrent is one of the reasons I wanted to come here in the first place. In Australia, meth is super expensive, but getting caught in possession of small quantities, and a fine is all anyone will face. Prisons there are already overcrowded (mostly by drug offenders) and the fear of being arrested by police isn't much of a deterrent to anyone addicted to meth. When police become aware of drug user's activities, they will only target the dealers, leaving the majority of small-time users alone because it isn't worth their time to process them all. Add to that the cost of living and Australia simply isn't an option worth considering. The good news is I will not take meth today, and I'm pretty sure I won't tomorrow either. It would be good for me to find a therapist. I still have psychosis. The hallucinations have remained constant for many months now, and I would like to talk to somebody about it. I've tried to explain it to Nada, but it isn't fair on her to say too much, so I don't. I don't see psychosis as the issue anyway, and if anything, knowing what awaits me if I do use meth again is almost as much of a deterrent as going to prison. Why I feel the need to get high is the real question. I kinda know, but I don't want to take a medication when talk therapy is a better way to go. |
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