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 |  This is my blog & my hope, writing daily will help me see my progress and log supporters. |
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| On YouTube, I watch a lot of bloggers who go through various states of mind. From exhilaration at discovering new places to complete burnout from posting every day for months, they give me insight into what life is like living and travelling in Thailand. Most, if not all of these weary travellers make content to finance their chosen lifestyles...something I am glad I don't have to do, moving from one hotel room to the next, filming shots from every angle, including from above via drone captures, and then editing to make each scene appear smooth and effortless. Writing a blog post and videoing one has some similarities, although I imagine writing a blog like mine is way easier. I have no monetary pressures, and if I don't feel like posting, I don't. However, I do feel some pressure that comes from a place of gratitude and simply letting the people who have supported me over the last three years know how things are going. The truth is I live quite a boring life now. There are, and will be no relapses. The hallucinations are very much under control (although still very strange) and life for Nada and me is flowing along nicely. Because we have both been sick, we didn't leave the house for over ten days, and only a few days ago we finally went to the market and the grocery store to stock up on supplies. Add to this the wet season is almost upon us and I am wondering what I will post that won't bore you all to death. I recently reached a milestone...10k views, and since then, it has jumped to over 11k. Blogging was never a numbers game for me and despite having more people reading my posts, the amount of readers who post comments or click the like button has remained the same. I will never understand why this simple gesture seems so unobtainable. It is no different on my port, where an item may have over two hundred views, and yet, have only one or two reviews. When we read a piece that an author has put a lot of work into, and then leave without saying a word, sends a message that may be unintentional, but a message all the same. Don't get me wrong, I am done complaining about this lack of effort to acknowledge or even offer some insight to help other writers improve their work. I get that many fear telling the truth, and it may be easier to say nothing than to possibly offend...or perhaps it isn't that at all, and we have become so apathetic that little moves us to review. I don't know what the real reasons are and it has become so normal that it doesn't hurt anymore...well, perhaps a little. What I am alluding to is I am contemplating if blogging is now a necessary part of my recovery. Once upon a time, I used this blog as a way to garner support and gain accountability. It was WakeUpandLive who inspired me to begin blogging (she even came up with the title for me), and there have been so many others who have been here for me over the years to do with my addiction. Now that I am living a good life, have found love and settled into this new life in Thailand, feels to me like this blog has run its course. If you had told me I would have three hundred forty-eight entries and eleven thousand views three years ago, I wouldn't have believed you. Now, I am seriously wondering what the point of continuing is. There is one reason to continue blogging. It appears that my creative writing days are behind me. I have several unfinished works that I haven't looked at in ages, and the truth is, they may never be finished. I am OK with this because although my creativity has ebbed, writing blog posts is a way to remain sharp (given my lack of writing skills with mechanics). I'm a good storyteller, but writing and editing have always been my Achilles heel and blogging has helped me in this area. Life is good...addiction is a thing of my past and I wake up every day next to the person I will spend the rest of my life with. Sounds like an appropriate final message...at least for Meth: a Ticking Timebomb Gone Viral. Thanks to everyone who has shown me support and even those who simply read and never left a message or like. You (the latter) have your reasons for that, just as I have my reasons for ending this blog now. Who knows, I might miss blogging one day, but for now, I'm looking forward to feeling like I don't owe it to anyone to provide decent content. |
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