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 |  This is my blog & my hope, writing daily will help me see my progress and log supporters. |
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| "Worrying is like paying a debt you don't owe"...Mark Twain. I try not to worry, although, to a certain extent, most people do. I may or may not have upcoming immigration issues. I shouldn't be too concerned because I know that as long as I don't overstay my visa, commit crimes, and follow the rules, any issues I may face will be easily sorted in the usual Thai fashion: pay what is asked and smile as I do it. Because of these negative thoughts, I've been considering what to do if Thailand refuses to renew my visa in June 2025...a Plan B of sorts. Many countries around the world welcome ex-pats, and some even allow foreigners to purchase freehold properties. Malaysia is the only country in SE Asia where I can own both land and buildings. There are also options in some South American countries. I know there's a long time to go before any possible problems arise, and in the meantime, I need to relax and enjoy my retirement one day at a time..but it's still playing on my mind. I could always go back to Australia, and that got me thinking. If I were to return, how long could I hold out before relapsing? The truth is I would be thinking about scoring on the flight home. I don't think I would last but a few days before falling back into my addiction. This is something I need to address. I have to admit that I've run away from my problems, but as yet, haven't addressed them fully...otherwise, I wouldn't be so sure about what I would do upon my return. The funny thing is that if I wanted meth...or Ice as it is known here in Thailand, the place is flooded with the stuff. All I would need to do is walk into a bar, talk to some girls and ask for it, and it wouldn't take long before I would be high again. I understand that would be a big mistake...not just for my mental and physical health, but because getting caught by police with drugs here is no laughing matter and could result in going to a Thai prison for a very long time. That deterrent is one of the reasons I wanted to come here in the first place. In Australia, meth is super expensive, but getting caught in possession of small quantities, and a fine is all anyone will face. Prisons there are already overcrowded (mostly by drug offenders) and the fear of being arrested by police isn't much of a deterrent to anyone addicted to meth. When police become aware of drug user's activities, they will only target the dealers, leaving the majority of small-time users alone because it isn't worth their time to process them all. Add to that the cost of living and Australia simply isn't an option worth considering. The good news is I will not take meth today, and I'm pretty sure I won't tomorrow either. It would be good for me to find a therapist. I still have psychosis. The hallucinations have remained constant for many months now, and I would like to talk to somebody about it. I've tried to explain it to Nada, but it isn't fair on her to say too much, so I don't. I don't see psychosis as the issue anyway, and if anything, knowing what awaits me if I do use meth again is almost as much of a deterrent as going to prison. Why I feel the need to get high is the real question. I kinda know, but I don't want to take a medication when talk therapy is a better way to go. |
| Forget about fad diets and vigorous exercise routines because I've found the fastest (but not the best) way to lose weight...come to Thailand and poop those kilos away. I'm finally through the worst of my 'illness', and after three days of having diarrhea, I feel pretty good. I admit there were moments when I felt sorry for myself, but looking back, I know how lucky I am to not have experienced any other symptoms normally associated with this affliction. All I had was a runny bum and a mild headache. There was no vomiting and overall, I didn't suffer too much. I did, however, lose some weight, and as the saying goes, every cloud has a silver lining. Nada is also battling, although it isn't a physical condition she is facing, but a mental one. Her problem is impossible for me to imagine. My beautiful girlfriend is forty-seven and is fast approaching menopause. She's beginning to go grey, and despite my kind words and support, she is becoming obsessed with this 'issue'. I know there's not a lot I can say or do that will change her attitude towards aging, after all, how can I possibly know what she is going through? So, as we lay in bed this morning, instead of trying to comfort her (as I have been doing), I told her the story of her and I...and just how lucky we are to have met one another. I told her that when she first noticed me, I was like a diamond on the ground that was all covered in dirt. She saw something that day...a glint that reflected in the sunlight. She had no idea then what she held in her hand, but she does now. I told her that I also found something special, but that I knew immediately what it was because she radiated everything I had ever dreamed of. I told her that we had been brought together by God...and that no amount of grey hair would change how I felt about her. Then, I decided to give her the push that she needed. I told her that I was not responsible for her happiness...and it wasn't my job to prop up her ego. "Look at what we have, Nada. Look around you and appreciate what we have. Don't let these feelings you have take away from this moment. We have each other and no matter what life throws at us, together, we will get through. You have a beautiful heart, Nada, and no matter how old you get, that will never change." I know that what I told her will have only a limited impact. This is her battle, not mine, and all I can do is offer support and love her as best as I can. In time, she will accept what life has in store for her...what choice does she have? It's hard to know how much of what I say she truly understands because we speak different languages, and Nada's English is only just good enough for us to get by. But I do know one thing, no matter how difficult it is for us to effectively communicate when I kiss Nada, she understands me just fine. |
| The next day after I ate Nada's Papaya salad, I had (and still have) a severe case of diarrhea. It's impossible to know what exactly is the cause of my affliction, but I suspect, despite her denial, that she has used tap water at some point during the process and this has caused my intestines to react. She may have thought that a final rinse of the salad ingredients with bottled water would alleviate any danger. She's been exposed to certain water-borne pathogens her whole life, and this may explain why she isn't sick like I am. Of course, I may be barking up the wrong tree with this theory. We have only just returned from a trip where I came into contact with many people, and a virus may be the cause of this thing I have. The funny part is that I don't feel too bad, and the only other symptom I have is a mild headache (which may be a result of dehydration). Nada isn't sick, but she only a small amount of the salad. She is used to the water and can probably tolerate more exposure to untreated water than I can. The other theory is that one or more of the ingredients in the salad have caused the reaction. In any case, after two days, and having only soiled myself twice, I've learned my lesson. No more salads for me. In the seven months I've been in Thailand, street food has never made me sick, and my guess is that's because the food has been thoroughly cooked and any nasties killed in the process. Australia has stringent health regulations when it comes to food, and if Thailand's vendors were to operate there, they would be shut down in an instant. And yet, from what I have seen and experienced, nobody is falling ill from consuming street food. However, the road toll here is astronomical and it makes me wonder why the Thai government doesn't do more to curb the behaviour of many drivers and bike riders. I'm still shocked by the way people drive their cars and motorcyclists take risks by overtaking in the most dangerous fashion, just to try and save a few minutes...and the majority don't wear helmets. I've noticed a lot more foreigners who choose to not wear helmets now too. Oh, they look cool, but even a minor accident without the protection of a helmet can be catastrophic. For many travellers that come to Thailand, common sense gets left behind in their own countries. From what I can gather, health insurers do not cover motorbike accidents. And whilst Thailand is a cheap place to live, hospitalisation here is far from cheap...assuming the person involved lives to tell the tale that is. |
| Thank you for giving me this in-depth and insightful answer...I appreciate what you have said...Neil. As a woman of faith (and not religion) I will answer your question to the best of my ability and belief about Nada not knowing about Jesus and what eventually happens to her. Jesus is the son of God, but God is the mighty power and judge. Even as the judge, I believe God is kind and compassionate, and He understands not only our shortcomings, because He made us, but also our attributes and gifts. God won’t cast away anyone with a kind heart and loving soul who has treated others well, just because they don’t know who He is or who His son Jesus is. I don’t subscribe to the hellfire and damnation crap some extremists claim as truth in the name of religion. Most belief systems have faith in a higher power. They may not use the name God, but the idea is essentially the same. It’s the way a culture interprets the idea of a loving and powerful spiritual entity. God may very well be all of those various entities. What I believe is that God is love. Where there is love, there’s evidence of God. I have a diverse faith…faith in God, and also faith in Mother Earth. There is a power within the natural world that is not often recognized by common society. I think if Nada has a kind heart, and she acts with good intentions towards others, she’s going to a beautiful, loving place after she passes from this world…a place that people of faith look forward to, because it’s nothing like here…a place of intense beauty and immense love…a place where we are reunited with loved ones who have gone before us. After my boyfriend passed on, he confirmed to me the presence of an afterlife. It brought me great comfort during my time of mourning. |
| Today, at the market, Nada and I bought vegetables to make Papaya Salad, along with sticky rice that we will have for dessert. Normally, we also get mangoes to have with the sticky rice, but mangoes are out of season right now. When we got back, I was putting things away in the fridge when I realised I had dates, and their sweetness would go well with the sticky rice. As I cut the dates into smaller pieces, I quipped that Jesus lived on dates while he was alone in the desert. Nada looked at me briefly with a puzzled expression, so I asked the obvious question. "You do know who Jesus is, right?" I've never met anyone before who has never heard of Jesus. Then, as I explained exactly who he was, I could see her becoming impatient. After all, I was delaying her from her favourite thing in the world...preparing food for the man she loves. I let her get back to it, but I wanted to know more about her belief system. So, I'm presently asking her questions she can answer 'qwickwy', as she would put it (God, she is so cute). First of all, I asked about her going to temples in the past. It turns out that Nada used to be a more devout Buddhist than she is now, so I asked her why that is. She stated that Buddhism has become a big business here, and she believes that an element of corruption has crept into the many big temples that are prolific all over Thailand. How poignant that her opinion reflects that of my own regarding organised religion. The amount of money generated by these large and well-organised churches has seen many become corrupt. Many of the people who once flocked to sermons and filled the pews of these large monolithic structures (places that, in my opinion, Jesus, if he does return to Earth again, wouldn't be seen in), in my opinion, find them less relevant than in the past. Smaller, family-focused places of worship are, to me, of more value than churches where tithing (and other methods of gaining wealth), and the wealth that is generated, is hoarded, not for the good of the community, but for the love of money itself...a sin that cannot be denied. I ask any Christian the question, what will happen to Nada when she dies? A beautiful soul who has never even heard of Jesus let alone the word of God. Will she be condemned to hell simply because she has never had the opportunity to hear the word and make her choice on whether she believes Jesus died for our sins? A choice that so many believe is crucial in determining their, and everyone else's fate after we die? A question I have asked many times, and so far, not one person of faith has been able (or wanted) to answer. For the moment, Nada is happy to take care of me. Ignorance is bliss, and these (mostly) rhetorical questions I ask are not relevant to her...and I for one am glad that is so. |
| Nada is happiest when she's in the kitchen. Nothing floats her boat more than getting on her scooter and heading to the fresh food markets with recipes for the night's meal in mind. I often go with her, but today, I decided to stay home after the trip to Chon Buri had worn me out. The good thing about Nada's preoccupation with preparing food is that nothing floats my boat more than watching her ride away on her motorbike when she is heading to the markets. I know that upon her return, she will have several dishes to cook for us over the coming days. Tonight when she arrived home, she had vegetables and shrimp to make Tom Yum Goong soup. She also had a kilo of squid for tomorrow night's meal, which will use some leftover shrimp combined with squid for a seafood hotpot. And for dessert tonight, we are having coconut sticky rice. When I arrived in Thailand only seven months ago, I weighed 92kg. My ideal weight should be no more than 80kg, but if I went to a doctor who uses the BMI, I'd be told to lose around a third of my body weight to be in a healthy weight range. I've been steadily putting on weight since my arrival (and having Nada around hasn't helped), and the last time I weighed myself, I was 99kg...or just below 220lbs. Nada loves me very much (and I her). Going back two posts ago, I spoke of her fear that if I leave the house and don't present well, it will reflect badly on her. Now, I have discovered a new fear she has...if I appear too thin, people (Thai women) will see me and think Nada doesn't take good care of me. I cannot hold my girlfriend completely accountable for my being overweight. Yes, she does try and feed me continuously, but it should be up to me to say enough. The problem is that Nada has spent a lifetime cooking delicious food for the people she loves (and has worked in restaurants as well), and when the aroma of her cooking hits my nose, my mouth begins to salivate and I'm simply not able to control myself and eat small portions. My excuse is that I don't want to disappoint my beautiful girlfriend, especially after she has spent so much time preparing food for me. I guess I'm just going to have to accept that my girlfriend is loving me to death. |
| It's been three months since I last visited Bangkok, and just like the last time I was there, I couldn't wait to leave. As Nada and I waited in Bangkok for the connecting bus that was taking us to Chon Buri (where her seventeen-year-old son goes to school) I wouldn't describe what was going on with me as a panic attack, but with the amount of people, the noise and the heavy traffic in the area around the bus depot, I was feeling some degree of anxiety. I was meeting her son for the first time. He's a good kid who has three years to go before completing his training to become a mechanic. The hotel Nada and I stayed at was below standard. It was supposed to be three-star but fell well short (in my opinion). I'm glad we were only staying one night. I won't bore you with the details, other than to say I will be doing a review and it won't be complimentary. I believe feedback for the establishment is important when the experience is below par...and when it's above standard, sharing that with the public is what I consider my job as a Google Local Guide. We just got home after spending most of the day travelling. I was up late last night and had an early morning this morning. After a shower (to wash off the filth and grime that seems to accumulate on the skin after visiting a large city like Bangkok), I'm going to bed...and God help anyone who dares to wake me up before 8.00 am tomorrow. |
| I've mentioned before about seeing Thai kids on their way to school looking pressed to perfection. And in the afternoon, they don't appear that much different. During the day in malls all over Thailand, the only thing that takes away from this apparent search for prim and proper appearance is the fact that many Thais don't wear shoes...instead wearing flip-flops or Crocs with socks. This quest for perfect whites and the overuse of starch used to be something I saw only at a distance, but now that I have a Thai living with me, this obsession with appearance now comes on a first-hand basis. I'm a longtime (former) bachelor, and things like towels, bedsheets and white T-shirts inevitably became 'off colour'. That's just how it is...or, at least, was. It never bothered me because I had no one to impress, and to be perfectly honest, I never really cared...until now. These yellowish and sometimes even darker stains are not sitting well with my new girlfriend, so last night, she decided it was time to do something about it. Bleach is, to her, a miracle fluid that she hopes will fix all that is wrong in this dirty world we live in. And don't get me started on Nada and her iron. EVERYTHING must be starched and pressed, including bedsheets...a situation I've had to put my foot down about. Yes, I could simply allow her to spend every available minute slaving over mountains of things that require ironing (she has three showers a day and changes clothes each time). Time that in my eyes, could be better spent with me because I have better plans for her...and this inborn need to look spectacular 24/7 must come to an end. I understand Thai culture and all the various requirements that will arise as a result. Unfortunately, she finds it hard to get her head around the fact that I am Australian...and we (in general) don't take things quite as seriously in the wardrobe department. Sure, I admit my clothes look better after Nada has spent hours removing all the creases, but at the end of the day (or in the hour I sit waiting on the couch for Princess Perfect to get ready to leave the house), this process is, IMO, a complete waste of time and effort. So this morning, after our white towels had spent the night soaking in bleach, they are now in the washing machine and will soon be ready for inspection. I'm sure they will be brighter than they were before, but as I explained to my lovely and well-intended girlfriend, she has no idea the task she is taking on when it comes to my skin staining everything that comes in contact with me (think of Pigpen from Peanuts and you will have a better idea of what she is up against). I just had a conversation with Nada, which has helped me better understand where she is coming from. If we go out and I'm looking below par appearance-wise (in her mind), people will judge her for not taking good care of me. So it isn't about me at all...it's about her and how she sees herself reflected in the eyes of other Thai women. No matter how long ago she left her village in Isaan, she will always retain that mentality where everyone knows everyone else...a place where gossip and drama are the only form of daytime entertainment for the lack of TV. |
| Nada isn't feeling well today. She has her period and is suffering because of it. Last week, there were a couple of days when I wasn't feeling the best and Nada stepped up and took care of me. I didn't cook or clean and spent most of that time in bed. It's times like these when having a partner really pays dividends. Today, while Nada rested, I went to the store to get groceries. When I got back, I cooked us pancakes with banana, fresh cream and (fake) maple syrup. The real stuff was almost 900 baht for a small bottle, so instead, I bought the cheap version for 90 baht. It's been raining a lot over the last few days, and because there was a break in the inclement weather, I took the opportunity to stock up on essentials. I ended up spending 4500 baht (around US$136), which didn't include any fruit or vegetables. We now buy them from the fresh food markets, which are just around the corner from where we live. It's a much cheaper option and I enjoy walking around the different stalls listening to the vendors calling out loudly in Thai. There's a great atmosphere, and even though I haven't got a clue what they are saying, the vibe is intoxicating. They sell everything from recently butchered pork to roast chicken and an array of freshly picked vegetables and herbs. There's also fresh seafood, desserts and Thai fast food...various meats placed on sticks that are cooked right in front of you. I got home just in time to avoid the most recent downpour. Lucky for me, I love the rain and soon, I'll go for an afternoon nap. There's nothing like the sound of rain to help lull me to sleep. I'm hoping the paracetamol I got for Nada helps and she is soon back to her old self. It's amazing how love changes everything...and mostly for the better. |
| Today marks the end of the Buddhist observance of Wan OK Phansa...which means many people who haven't been drinking alcohol for the past three months will be getting on it tonight. Because of this, I'll be staying off the roads for the next few days. The land of smiles has a dark side (and I am not talking about the sex industry), and I am seeing more of it as time goes by. There is a saying among ex-pats about Thais, and that is, no matter how much you pay, it's never enough. When I recently moved house, I had to report my new address to Thai immigration. When I did this around a month ago, there was a problem. My landlord doesn't technically own the house I am renting (his wife died the month before and the house is in her name). We (my landlord and I) had to front immigration and try to come up with a solution. Of course, there is always a solution in Thailand (money), and the officer told us (through Nada's interpretation) that she (the officer) could fix the 'problem', but it would cost 20k baht (around US$600)...which my landlord later placed in a plain envelope and passed discretely across the counter. We knew this payment was graft, but that's the way it is in Thailand. Upon receiving the money, the immigration officer promised that she would take care of the issue. Then, a few days ago, we received a message from the officer asking for a further 25k. I told Nada to inform her that no further payments would be made...I mean, where does it end? Now, I am not sure what the repercussions will be. Immigration in Thailand is one step below God, and literally the end of the line for any Farang wanting to remain in the country. They need no reason to refuse entry or allow us to stay. I'm safe for now. The last time I saw the officer, she stamped my passport for a further ninety days (I have no idea what address she used, however) but it will be interesting to see what happens when I next have to report in December. I must admit, I'm tired of the way we Farangs are looked at here in Thailand...not just by the authorities, but also by the locals. Foreigners, in general, are treated like second-class citizens. The police see us as an easy source of revenue and many vendors charge us more than they do the locals. And now this problem (if it even is a problem) has me thinking if Thailand is a cheaper place to live or not. There's the language barrier, which is an issue that in all practicality, can never be solved. I've heard of people who have learned to speak Thai, but because of the difficulties involved, and the fact there are so many dialects, that even with a concerted effort, they will never be fluent in any of them. Then throw in this 'us and them' mentality, and the proposed changes to Thai tax policy (to do with funds foreigners bring into the country, regardless of whether tax has already been paid in our own countries or not) and my dream of a better life in Thailand is becoming shaky. It's not over yet, and fortunately, there are other options here in SE Asia. Thailand has recently (again) changed its visa laws. I can, if I choose, spend 180 days in the country without having to apply for a long-term visa, and this will also negate any need to put in a tax declaration (if that becomes law for long-stay residents...or as we are officially known, as aliens). I'm not going to stress about it because basically, it is out of my control. I will report to immigration on the date shown on my passport and play dumb (which is how they look at us anyway). I know that any potential issues can and will be solved through the tried and tested method of showing grace and paying a bribe to whoever I am dealing with. Immigration prefers that we go through a visa agent, especially when doing the once-a-year extension of stay application, and that's what I will likely do. They are popular among us Farangs because visa agents receive preferential treatment from immigration authorities. They are expensive, but the advantages are there is no waiting in line, and the money we pay goes towards making everyone involved happy...and makes our stay here in the land of smiles go just that little bit smoother. Fortunately, even if I am eventually kicked out (not that it is likely), there are other options within SE Asia and around the world. South America has many countries where foreigners are welcome to put down roots, and unlike Thailand, some do allow us to own properties. Here, we Farangs can only own condos or a house, but not the land it is built upon. The latter is one of the most contentious issues for me, and the reason I will never invest in home ownership here. Many men meet Thai women, get married and if they wish to purchase a home, they must put the land in their wife's name. The building can be in their name, but what use is a house when built on someone else's land? Most trust that things will be OK and put the entire property in her name. But if things go sour, there are no prizes for guessing who ends up with nothing. It's just another scam Thailand is aware of...and, in my opinion, encourages locals to pursue. |
| Step 1...don't trust too quickly. Step 2...when you do begin to trust, limit it to what you can afford to lose...eg; don't share PINs or passwords...ever. Step 3...relax and eventually, you will see who it is you have met. There are a lot of YouTube channels explicitly devoted to expats here in Thailand on how to avoid the scams that Thai women reportedly perpetrate upon them. I've devoted the better part of seven months watching these videos, in an effort to learn how to avoid becoming another victim of these so-called, female 'evil-doers'. In Australia, there has been a huge shift in family law to protect the rights of women when it comes to dividing the assets when a couple separates and divorces. There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes down to this contentious subject, and when legislators and finally, governments pass new laws, they are never going to be perfect. And given the fact that in the past, men, in general, got a better deal when it came to property settlements due to divorce, then throw in the much-publicized, yet not always fairly reported cases of domestic violence (a subject I am passionate about "Blame, Denial, Honesty & Forgiveness"  ), in my opinion, the pendulum has swung too far and now, men fear getting into relationships far too often because of the implications associated with allowing someone to move into their home.If I meet a woman in Australia, and she moves into my house, she only needs to live with me for six months before she can claim defacto status, and if we separate, she can claim through the Family Court for a property settlement. 50-50 is the starting point (regardless of who owned what before the relationship began), and I will have to negotiate or go to court, which everyone sensibly advises against. If I do end up in court, not only will the lawyers on both sides end up with the bulk of the assets, but the judge or magistrate will look unkindly at me for not coming to a settlement before appearing before them in court. Any woman (or man for that matter) who moves in with someone, soon owns half of their partner's assets (according to family law) and if there is a disparity in wealth between the two parties, then that opens the door for a type of scam that no one (except the wealthier person) wants to talk about. Prenuptial agreements are not worth the paper they are written on, and neither are parenting orders when it comes down to it. My point is that no matter where in the world you live, you need to be vigilant when it comes to protecting your assets from scammers. I mean...it isn't rocket science. There are different levels of trust, and if you give too much trust to someone too quickly, as opposed to the trust that comes after being together for many years, then you are simply asking for trouble. Common sense is the best defence against scammers. They use simple tactics because, in my opinion, they are usually pretty simple thinkers. Greed is their tool of choice...and I'm not talking about theirs, I'm referring to our own. If it's too good to be true, invest heavily and watch your hard-earned (and your time and heart, which is so much more valuable than money IMHO) disappear right before your eyes. Here in Thailand, many of the girls who take advantage of Farangs do so because they are allowed to. Love cannot be bought, but unfortunately, many of the men who come here looking for love believe (or hope) that if they spend money on their much younger, pretty new girlfriend, she is more likely to stay. And that's true, they will stay, at least until the money runs out or they tire of us and move on. These girls know there are plenty of Farangs coming to their country looking for love. We are, to some, like buses...if they miss one, there's always another just around the corner. Nada gets hit on by Farangs almost every day. She laughs about it, but I see the dark side of what's going on all over Thailand. We come here thinking that because we have wealth, we can act however we want towards these women, so of course, they look at us with a degree of scepticism and disdain. But, the majority of Thai women are not looking to scam us, they are seeking a partner who can take care of them financially...and in exchange, they are willing to take care of us in ways we have rarely experienced in our former lives. When an older Western man comes to Thailand and meets someone much younger than he is, can we even call it a scam if she takes advantage of him? If a man willingly spends money on a woman with the expectation that she will respond with love, then I ask the question...who is running the scam? If I buy a girl a gift that costs me X amount, does that mean she owes me the same amount in love? Does she owe me anything at all? In my life, I have learned not to loan money to people unless I am willing to lose not just the money, but the friendship. I would rather just give it to them and say, "Repay me if you want, but if you don't, don't ask me for money again." Lend only what you can afford to lose. I haven't given Nada my ATM PIN or the password to my bank account...and I never will. If I buy her something, it's because I want to, not because I expect something (other than respect) in return. The bulk of my wealth is tied up in a term deposit account, and it will remain like that indefinitely. Better to be safe than sorry. I know not to underestimate what can happen when giving my heart to someone, and so, to avoid any future possible 'failings' on my part, better I ensure my financial future rather than take the chance. |
| I love to cook, but when I was single, cooking wasn't something I did often. With the price of street food here in Thailand and the amount of dishes that need cleaning afterwards, preparing food for one was not as fun as it is for two. Nada is a great cook, and I try and help with the process as much as possible. I do this because I love her, but also because I want to learn. One of the troubles I'm experiencing is Nada hovers over me whenever I try and take some of the responsibility for cooking our food. I get it...she's way better than me, and the proof is in the pudding. We have an outdoor kitchen and I feel right at home with a gas stove top. I've watched Nada prepare Tom Yum a few times, and because she has worked hard over the last two days, I offered to make dinner on the condition that she allow me to do it on my own from start to finish. When it was done, I tasted the soup and it was perfect. I added the shrimp and tomato last, so as not to overcook them. I offered Nada a taste and she seemed pleased with my efforts. But then, she said it wasn't spicy enough and wanted to add chilli. At that moment, I felt my heart sink. Call me over-sensitive, but I put a lot of love into that soup, and to have it critiqued by the one I was so eager to please, hurt like a MF. I did as she wanted and added chilli to the broth, but I don't feel like eating now. I'm going to go for a shower and try and put this behind us. I don't think I will be volunteering to do any cooking in future. Looks like I'll be stuck doing the dishes ongoing. |
| For someone who hates war, I sure do love war movies...and in particular, movies about the Vietnam War. I was so close to being eligible for the draft that it must have affected my psyche. I knew some older guys who had served in Vietnam, for whom I had so much admiration. The problem was that none of them ever spoke of their time there, and out of respect, I never asked about it. The only option I had to satisfy my morbid, yet understandable curiosity, was to gain insight into the horrors experienced by the soldiers in the jungles of SE Asia, in the relative safety of my lounge room. One of my favourite movies about the conflict is Stanley Kubrick's awesome 1987 film, Full Metal Jacket...and today, I was treated to a little piece of history as my girlfriend, who has never seen the flick, danced candidly in front of me wearing a tiny denim mini skirt. And as she moved, I coached her to repeat the lines from Papillon Soo's character in the movie, "Me so horney...me love you long time." Have mentioned how happy I am. At my old house, the walls were so thin I could hear the conversations between my neighbour, who is Danish, and his Thai girlfriend...and I couldn't understand a word of what they were saying. They spoke their own language...a cross between English, Danish and Thai, and when Nada first arrived, she instantly noticed that my neighbour's girlfriend was from the south. There are around seven different dialects spoken in Thailand, plus thousands of Pigeon English languages, specific to each Farang/Thai couple and where they are from. Nada and I have yet to develop our own 'speak', but I'm having a lot of fun hearing her version of English. There are certain letters she has trouble pronouncing. The letter L, for instance, is almost impossible for her to say, and comes out as an R. I will quote her directly here. "What you want for runch (my PC is going haywire here)...and the R rolls off her tongue many times. When Nada refers to a colour, it goes like this..."Colour yellow." Or, "Colour black (and there's no point explaining to her that black is not a colour). More of her words crack me up than I can remember, and if you've ever seen Team America: World Police, imagine their version of Kim Jong Un (only way cuter) and that's my girlfriend. At night, before Nada takes her shower (usually number three for the day), is my favourite time of day because it's time for her exercises. She knows all too well about my underwear fetish, and is so eager to please that she strips down to her girly whites, I assume a strategic position just behind her and watch as she goes through her paces. Squats and lunges are some of her best movements...and to finish off her session, she has one of those old rollers with handles attached that were a thing back in the 80s. Music is another favourite subject because of the fact that Nada has never heard of any bands from the West. Tonight, I played the Rolling Stones, David Bowie and Pink Floyd, and she was clueless. But then, to my surprise, she pretended to have a microphone in her hand and without accompaniment, sang a pretty good rendition of Credence Clearwater Revival's hit song, Have You Ever Seen the Rain...which she tells me were the first words of English she learned as a child. So to celebrate finding some music we both knew, I played the song and we did a duet...imaginary mics in hand. Nada wiggled her hips in time with the music, and still wearing that gorgeous little denim mini (that I insisted she keep wearing all day) we had one of the best nights of our lives. Did I mention how happy I am? |
| The day I turned sixty, I applied for a lump sum payment from my superannuation fund (401k). The fund managers invest in various places, but the bulk of my cash was used to buy shares. Over the years, the fund has done well, and in a single year alone (about four years ago), they made me around 35k Australian dollars, without putting a cent of my own into it...and it was tax-free. The trouble was the next year, it underperformed and went down about 5k. Since then, I've kept a close eye on how the fund was doing. Like any portfolio that is heavily invested in the share market, it fluctuates, sometimes dramatically. And because I knew I was close to cashing out these highs and lows have been causing me some anxiety. Questions like, what if the market crashes in the days before I close the account, have been on my mind over the last few months. But today, twelve days after I made the request, they have finally paid me out. I got lucky and there was no market crash...in fact, over the last ten days, it has held steady. It isn't over yet and the funds still have to be deposited into my bank. It will then take ten days for them to clear the funds and make the money available in my account. Things got close there money-wise. Going broke in a foreign country, with nobody to ask for a temporary load, was a concern. Setting up the house was an unforeseen cash drain, and now that I have a live-in girlfriend, my monthly budget has increased significantly. Nada doesn't share the cost of rent, pay for food or contribute anything towards the power bill. These are bills we both consider to be mine to take care of. I would need to pay them even if she wasn't here, although the amounts would be somewhat smaller. Nada earns 12000 baht per month (around US$360) and I don't think it right for me to expect her to give me money from her measly earnings. She has put her son, who is in his final year, through a private boarding school. The school has combined the final two years of his education with a prevocational course to assist him in becoming a motor mechanic. I'm proud of her for doing that on the money she makes. She does get some help from the government, and her father also helps out a little, but Nada has pretty much done it off her own back and for me to expect her to help with the bills is something I don't believe would be fair. It's not like I can't afford it, but the delay in getting a new cash influx into my everyday bank account had me worried for a bit. There are many things Nada brings to the table that could be easily overlooked. Not only does she cook, clean, and keep me company, but she also interprets for me. It's because of this help (in part) that I am in line to receive a pink (as opposed to a blue, which all Thai nationals have) Thai ID Card. There are many benefits to having an ID card, including cheaper public transport costs. It also makes dealing with officialdom much easier. In many instances, the card is accepted as a replacement for carrying a passport...which at the moment, I have to take almost everywhere I go. Carrying an ID card means I can leave my most important document at home where it is much safer. The other, much more important thing about having an ID card is it's a crucial piece of evidence used as proof of address when applying for a yearly visa extension. So now that my cash flow, and fingers crossed, visa issues are almost done with, I can get on with enjoying retirement here in the land of smiles. |
| Today, Nada returned to work after having the past week off. I've enjoyed having her around because there was no alarm going off at 6.30 am and we now have the house the way we want it. Although, I must admit to some relief that she has gone back to work. I felt sorry for her this morning as she rode out the gates and into the pouring rain. Before she left, I asked if she wanted to wait until the rain eased. She looked at me with bewilderment before putting on her raincoat and helmet. Having endured monsoonal wet seasons her whole life, riding a motorbike in the rain is normal for her. I considered going back to bed after Nada left, but keeping our body clocks in sync is important...and besides, writing during a thunderstorm inspires me. It's the little things that make all the difference when it comes to being in a relationship. Nada is the sweetest girl you can imagine, although she does have some bad habits I am trying to change. She tends to leave lights on and doors open when the aircon is running. It seems to take her forever to get ready to go out...but overall, she's a keeper. I know I have my own bad habits, but the difference is Nada is too sweet to mention them to me. An example of her innocence is that Nada (according to her...and I believe her) has never masturbated. I'm not sure if that's a common thing here in Thailand, but I've never come across it. It may have something to do with living in the West and our exposure to pornography and the so-called, sexual revolution. In the past, I would have tried to corrupt someone as innocent as Nada. Drugs like meth cause sexual deviance and create a fear not to feel so alone. I'm ashamed to say that in every relationship I had when I was using, I brought drugs into the mix (for my own twisted pleasure and driven by addiction). And in every case, I ended up creating a monster that I couldn't control...a monster, that was the toxicity within the relationship...a monster that I eventually had to destroy (by ending the relationship). Nada grew up on a rice farm (her father still owns land used for rice production) and their small house didn't have many bedrooms. Privacy wasn't available when six kids were running around the place, and I suppose I never thought about a situation where self-pleasure was never even considered. She is aware that people masturbate. I told her about my own experiences and that I consider it to be normal. She calls it, "Helping one's self", and for the first time I can remember, I feel no desire to corrupt my partner...at least, not the way I used to. Oh, I'm still a toned-down pervert, and it is indeed true that a leopard never changes its spots, but the degree of deviance has changed to a more 'normal' level of lovemaking between consenting adults. I will always push the boundaries, but I've told Nada that unless she likes what we are doing, it ends there, and we then make our way to the next roadblock of what is acceptable behaviour in the bedroom. The only family member I am in contact with is my older sister. Rifts between my other siblings run too deep to repair. She and I email each other regularly, and a while ago, I mentioned (without thinking) that I have been nominated for a Quill Award for this blog. She had no idea I had a blog, and asked for a link so she could read what all the fuss was about. It was then that I realised how important anonymity is when writing with as much honesty as I do. I'm not ashamed of my past, but then, I don't want to compromise...and being able to say what I need to say, to people I will likely never meet is far more important than bragging rights to family members. |
| Today, Nada and I went for a ride to Phra Prathum Cave, which is about an hour south of Hua Hin. When we got there, I parked the bike and a monk told Nada how many steps there were to reach the cave entrance...a hundred and eighty-seven to be precise. Once there, we spent ten minutes recovering our breath, followed by an hour exploring the cave. I was drenched in sweat for the most part, but it was an experience I will never forget. There were hundreds of bats, blind crickets crawling all over the floor and huge spiders on the walls...all living in complete darkness (except for the lights a monk had turned on before guiding us through the maze and back to the surface. After a rest, I placed 100 baht in the donation box and we made our way back down the hill. When we arrived, we were met by a monk who happened to be from Isaan, the province as Nada. He and Nada spoke for ages in their native tongue, and she translated for me when necessary. He was around eighty years old and had been a monk for sixty-three years. I could see the wisdom in his eyes acquired over decades. Nada told him how we met, and before we left, he offered us a blessing for our future and to get home safely. I asked (through Nada) if I could return one day to spend some time living in the temple. The idea of spending a week as a monk was attractive to me, but the reality hit home once we arrived back and I sat down to eat Nada's fried rice with shrimp, followed by grapes...and later, a glass of milk along with two Tim Tams (chocolate biscuits from Australia). Nada isn't keen on me leaving her for any length of time, and she made it clear to me that I should, before taking on the challenge, live a few days and eat as a monk does. They get up at around 5.00 am and work for a few hours before meditating for most of the day. They eat lunch, but after that, they don't eat again until 9.00 am the next day. Nada smiled when she saw the look on my face at what I was considering. Call me weak, but I don't think I would last a day living as a monk...something that old man has done every day for the last sixty-three years. Much respect goes to him. Nada spoke to her boss and has changed her work roster. Now, instead of working five days (Tuesday through Saturday), she only works four days. Which means we get a three-day weekend every weekend. We plan on doing more rides...going further afield and sleeping overnight at hotels before returning home. Life doesn't get any better than this. |
| Being single for the past eight years, I must admit that adjusting to this new relationship has its ups and downs. Don't get me wrong, Nada is a beautiful soul, and I wouldn't change anything about her...well, maybe just a few little things. I'm not having second thoughts, it's just that I'm not used to certain things that are female in nature. Before I met Nada, when I would go to the store, I'd put on my shoes, spray my underarms with deodorant and be gone in sixty seconds. Now, the time it takes to leave the house has stretched to an hour or more. Nada (and I'm sure many other women) won't go anywhere until she has showered. When I arrived at the store, I'd be in and out in a flash. Now, it takes thirty to forty minutes. This is because my beautiful girlfriend NEEDS to examine every piece of fresh produce before she is satisfied and finds the perfect item to place in the bag. And don't get me started on the girly stuff. Creams, lotions, shampoos and conditioners are selected very carefully. Each bottle's smell is just as important as what the label reads. My opinion and approval is a requirement that cannot be overlooked. Nada cooks the most delicious food, and last night, we had a salad with roast chicken which was, without doubt, one of the best meals I have ever eaten. When we began living together (two days after we met), we agreed that if Nada cooked, I would clean up afterwards. And given my lack of culinary skills, I am now doing a lot of dishes. My girlfriend owns more clothes than you would see in a boutique. Because she has had to sort through them as she unpacks, this morning's load of washing was both my absolute delight and worst nightmare all rolled into one. We bought an 18kg washing machine, which is pretty large for a domestic unit and because Nada works, I think it only fair that I have taken on the responsibility of keeping our clothes clean. Before we met, I did a small load every second or third day. Nowadays, I'm doing much larger loads and more often. The workload isn't the issue, it's the technical side of things that has me stumped. Nada owns clothes I'm having difficulty figuring out how to hang properly. There are extra bits of material and I don't know where to place the pegs so they hang evenly. Some of her tops have padding in places I don't believe Nada needs to accentuate. All that being said when it comes to Nada's underwear (OK...I have an underwear fetish), I admit I take longer than is necessary to hang them out. FYI...few people use clothes dryers in Thailand because the hot weather makes them redundant. Nada is one of these people who enjoys feeding others. She told me when her son comes to stay, he always gains weight. Her sister told me about this phenomenon, but I didn't quite believe it until I tasted Nada's cooking, and after only a few weeks of living together, my pants no longer fit. She just this second came over to me and shoved a Macadamia nut into my mouth. You might say my mouth has to be open for this to occur, and that's true, but the last thing I want to do is offend my gorgeous Thai girlfriend. |
| As far as being a Farang is concerned, Thailand has its ups and downs. There is a definite bias that leans towards the Thai people. I've mentioned before the unfair situation when it comes to wearing motorcycle helmets. An example is if I'm a pillion on Nada's bike, and neither of us is wearing a helmet and the police pull us over, I'm the only one who will get fined. Yesterday, I had to report my new address to immigration. When my number was called, I approached the female officer and greeted her with a bow (Wai). She didn't look up from her screen and completely ignored me, so I sat down and waited for her to acknowledge my presence. Eventually, she indicated for me to give her my paperwork, and as she looked over the pages, I could tell her demeanour wasn't great. Dot the i's and cross the t's and hope for the best when dealing with officialdom in Thailand...or, do what most foreigners do and pay an agency to handle it for you. Yes, it costs a lot more to go down that path, but the process is so much easier and you are guaranteed to get what you came for. Admittedly, my application wasn't straightforward. The fellow I signed the lease with doesn't technically own the property. The deeds for both his and the house I am renting are in his dead wife's name. Because of this, the immigration officer point-blank refused to accept my change of address. I was finding it hard to understand what she was saying (hence her reluctance to deal with me in the first place), so I called Nada over, and from that moment on, everything changed for the better. I sat quietly listening to the two Thais talking (without understanding what was being said). I cannot express how relieved I was when I sensed the cold I had felt just a few minutes earlier beginning to thaw. Long story short, Nada arranged for my landlord and me to have a follow-up meeting with the same officer today. My landlord was told to bring 20000 baht (or US$600...which was discretely passed over the counter inside a plain white envelope) to ensure a smooth process. All it took was a little money to help grease the machine that is Thai bureaucracy. What appeared to be an impasse the day before, became an easy fix today. Call it what you will, but unless you are willing to get with the program, Thai style, then getting through these barriers will invariably be a much harder undertaking. I must admit that I was worried for a while there. I've invested quite a bit of money in this house, and the possibility of having to walk away was making me feel anxious. However, not having a legitimate address to report to Thai immigration (the only solution I thought of was to get a hotel room until something was sorted) made me feel even worse. And now, thanks mainly to Nada and my landlord's willingness to work with the immigration officer, I have my passport stamped so I don't have to report again for another ninety days, and the issue of legally renting the house has also been solved. We had blinds fitted to the windows and doors in the house this morning, so we no longer feel exposed to the world. All in all, it's been a good day in paradise. |
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