I started writing my conversion story in June 2023, even though it started before then. It will not be in chronological order as I remember things from the past that brought me to this point in my life. My decision to convert was not an easy one. I grew up Pentecostal. I watched my grandma speak in tongues. My aunt played keyboard in the church band. I used to attend church (a member of a Baptist church for many years) 3 to 4 times a week. I did not start my journey of healing after my divorce and expect to end up here. However, my desire and work to grow closer to G-d has left me no doubt or question about where I am now. I have no hesitation in my conversion to Judaism. This is my story of leaving Christianity and becoming a part of a people that I will be able to, one day, proudly say that I am also. A Jew.
Baruch Hashem! I'm so glad you were added to the newsletter 🙂. I wondered how your moving went (I couldn't find your blog) I've studied with Chabad for 10 years and enjoy reading about your Mitzvahs and your bravery in all this.
I'm Jewish but in the minority here and it's a blessing to read your blog. Shabbat Shalom 🕯️🕯️
Shalom 🙂 I'm doing proofreading for our Blogging Bliss newsletter and I check the links etc. Hashem finds ways for Jews to connect in interesting ways! Most of my Jewish community is online ( we moved to Mississippi 2 years ago and good luck finding much Kosher food or anything! I long ago lived in Brooklyn but didn't know much about my Jewish roots. I've been studying online 10 years and I wish you well!
Shabbat Shalom for next week!
I have to add that I cried after writing this while doing the dishes. I dried my tears and said, "G-d, I'm trusting you." After I finished dishes and dried my hands, I received a call. I have a job interview on Friday morning.
I'm not sure my problem is justifying what I'm doing. It's not even people disagreeing with what I am doing. However, I really can't help but be hurt by people who have known me all my life and people who are supposed to (or have said they do) love me and care about me telling me all kinds of vile and hateful things. I'm not changing my mind. I love everything about Judaism and everything about the Jewish life. I know I will find more friends, but I have to move to where Jews are first!
I don't think you have to justify your actions. They have their minds made up. Hopefully, you can make a Jewish friend or two, around the same age, to help support you in your conversion journey.
I think big one reason to hurt each other is misunderstanding and afraid about strange people and things you meet. Specially you don't understand what strange people saying.
This past Shabbat we said a blessing for the new month. It was the second month that I did not know what month was next. I had gotten behind on my whiteboard because of work. Sometimes when I don't know things like that: days of the week, the month, etc., I feel like a little child. I'm learning everything all over again. Not just how to pronounce Monday in another language, but an entire different calendar system. I don't have it down yet, and it makes me feel so inadequate. It's been a year that I have been studying the holidays and going through the Hebrew calendar, but I still feel behind. I know that with work, and Hebrew classes, and Chabad Academy classes, and the Ark online, and books I'm reading, and anything else I can get my hands on, I'm being way to hard on myself. The problem is that the more I know, the more I can do. I want nothing more than to worship Hashem the way he wants me to worship him. I can't do what I don't know to do. G-d has been so good to me. I just want everything I do to make him happy. I know that is not always going to happen, but the more I know, the better person I can be, and the better I am able to follow his will for my life.
I know I have come so far. I am not having to hide in a stranger's bathroom and having a panic attack. I don't have to google every other word to understand a sentence. I have good prayer habits. I study Torah every week. I want more than ever to be a Jew. I don't ever want to go back to just being.
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