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I am starting a new chapter in my life..... |
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I started job hunting today...... sort of. I am working with my new friend Audrey (employment specialist) to get ready to go job hunting. We're going to be redoing my wardrobe (somewhat) and doing practice interviews and such. This is where the journey will be documented for posterity. I also will throw in news about my writing now and again as that is what the site is for. |
| Went and had another test done at Neurology today. Put electrodes on my head and had me follow a green light on the wall with my eyes. Highly entertaining. Tomorrow I have my meeting with the financial advisor rescheduled. YAWN. Then I figured I might as well hang about CMH for two to three hours until my appointment with Audrey. On second thought I might come home and have her pick me up. I don't know what we are going to do at any rate. She keeps asking me where I want to go apply. If I knew I wouldn't need her for much. edit: I don't feel like I'm qualified for the jobs available that I wouldn't mind having. I know I could probably do them with ease, but I have no proof of my experience. How do you produce proof of life experiences? The jobs that I do feel I am qualified for I don't want because I don't think I'd be able to keep up. I just don't have the moves for stuff like fast food anymore; not that I ever did. My year and a half at MacDonalds I felt like I was never good enough. Besides things have changed since then and you need to be even faster nowadays. I have two days left to decide if I'm going to try NaNoWriMo. I think if I'm going to do something besides "Nezoom 2024"  that I should try to do some prep. Then again, I want to just try pantsing this time. I've thought about working on "Birchwood Manor" but I'd have to reread what I've got so far.I really do need something to give me some structure. WE'll have to see what develops. |
| Had Sally checking up on my Salvation Army voucher this morning. She says it can only be done on a Tuesday. I have to go over that way tomorrow for a Neurology appointment, so I might check in on it. Sally and I went to the library, and I took out two books from the young adult section. I'll tell you more about them as I get into reading them. I have yet for any place to call me though I've put in applications online and in person. __________________________________________________________________________ Not too much else going on. Still texting with my daughter. It is the only thing keeping me going these days. Just to see her say it is going to be all right and that she loves me gives me enough lift to keep going. ________________________________________________________________________________________ My writing has come to a standstill. I just can't get myself to work on my Christmas stories without the notes I wrote a while back that I cannot seem to locate. I don't want to work on my sci-fi story, even though I did October Prep on it, there are still a lot of questions to answer. ____________________________________________________________________________________________- so where does that leave me? Up a creek without a paddle heading towards a waterfall. I don't even feel like I'm doing this blog justice. I did get my keyboard to reconnect. Thank goodness for small favors. |
| I'm an idiot. I reset my tablet to factory settings and now I can't get my keyboard to connect. So now I can't do half the things I used to. Went to McDonald's with Audrey. Put in applications online and updated my resume again. Hopefully I can go with Sally on Monday to get my voucher for clothing and pick those up. I haven't been able to write that much. I scribbled some lines on one of my Christmas stories but not anything substantial or that I even liked. Maybe I'll write more later. |
| Went with Sally yesterday. I guess she is going to be the one to take me to Salvation Army for work clothes. That's fine. I understand that Audrey must be busy. I see her tomorrow. I'm going to try to come up with a list of places we can drop resumes. Wish me luck. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Victoria stayed home from school today. She's been running a fever for some reason. I haven't seen her. She's been spending her time in Terrys room. I finished October Novel Prep Month as a runner up. No matter. I should be madder at myself than them for not making the time limit but I think the 72-hour rule is dumb. It should just be that if you don't have that day's assignment in by midnight then you're disqualified. Oh well. Don't get me started. I also wrote a bunch of notes on my Christmas story. I may switch to that for NaNoWriMo, if I participate at all. I would do Rage of Envy but that novel has been the subject of three Nano's already. I have no idea what I'm going to do really. Been texting back and forth with Laura Becoming a SSDD thing. |
| The 16th went out with Audrey and put in my application at Goodwill then found out I had to apply online for Dollar Tree. Came home and did that and applied to a couple of other job openings. I really should be keeping better track of this stiff but I don't feel like it. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ I've had a cold all week so my brain is barely functional. I am so stuffed up I could be a plushie. today I wrote three and a half pages of notes on one of my Christmas stories. It felt really good. I've been working on October Novel Prep but I don't know how far I've gotten. I'll look when II get done here. I heard from my daughter, Laura. I'm definitely excited. we are talking via text now. It is just great to know she is alive and well and prospering...... Now if only my eldest would talk to me more. Life goes on |
| what is new today? I finished three assignments for October Novel Prep. OF course, I'm not putting forth my best effort at all. Why should I? So that someone can tell me I didn't do it in time so it doesn't count anyhow? Please I don''t even want to go there again. I still get irate every time I think about it. I finished reading the book on writing I was reading and highlighting. It is a good book with a lot of sound advice. It calmed me down plenty of times when I was feeling like chucking it all more often than not lately. _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Went out with Sally yesterday and explored a new store. It had some interesting deals including 10 notebooks or folders or combination thereof for $1. I got a combination but I've been kicking myself ever since that I should of got 10 of each. Got a couple of other things including a bunch of hair clips for Terry. Today other than the little bit of writing I did I lazed about. Still fighting this darn cold. Being pushed into medicating more than I want to but that's what II get for living with others who claim to care about me. Tomorrow I am to go out with Audrey with job development again. Should be interesting. |
| Been sick for two days again. Stuffed up head, aches, fever, chills, nausea, sore throat, Constant thirst. It has not been fun. Nothing on the work front. I have resumes now so I could go out and look on my own. Audrey supposedly emailed me a copy as well. I haven't found it yet. One place close by is looking for stock person but I don't like the current work force there. The only other place close by is a cafe. Not really what I want. I was going to look up another place to see if I could apply online but I haven't got around to it lately. _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________---- I did my Antagonist background story today despite being sick. It just wouldn't leave me alone until I did it. I'm still pissed about exceeding the time limit but there is nothing I can do about it. Tomorrow I'll do the 14th assignment hopeffully. Nothing much else going on....... Oh. I've noticed since I exceeded the limit that I have no cheerleaders anymore either. No matter. I didn't need them anyhow. |
| I just missed the time limit for October Novel Prep by less than two minutes. You want to know how it makes me feel? I just might as well give up on everything........ all my novels. getting a job...... everything. I just can't even get sick..... Why do I even try? I know I'm too lazy and weak to do anything. I've been sick to the point of passing out since Monday afternoon. I forced myself to go to my Neurology appointment on Tuesday so that I might find out what the $$%& is wrong with me. I forced myself to go to my appointment with Audrey so that I could finish my one application and my resumé. Half of it got accomplished, sort of. I'm tired, I hurt and now I'm pissed. I'm going to try to eat dinner and watch a movie. Its just been a sucky day and I just want to forget it. |
| Went out with my Peer Support Specialist, Sally, this morning to the Free Store. Got a bunch of clothes and a backpack Don't know if they'll be usable for work but if not oh well. Nothing is working the way I thought it would. Didn't go to Harbour Impact yet..... Still waiting on the voucher for Salvation Army as well. I filled out that application at Menards; didn't hear anything yet and that was two weeks ago. I have the application for Goodwill but I need help finishing it and getting it back there. Sally told me this morning Dollar Tree is hiring. I might look up and see if I can do the application online. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Did the assignment for October 8 Novel Prep yesterday. I didn't do it as well as I should have but I'm trying not to get down on myself about it. Finished reading "Guilty Pleasures" by Llaurel K Hamilton on Saturday. I was so glad. I told Terry I finished my book; she thought I meant the one I was writing. I WISH. The next in the Anita Blake series is called The Laughing Corpse. I'll keep an eye out for it. I wrote for the Merit Badge Magic contest today. I think I submitted it wrong though. Oh well. At least I did it. I also did a review yesterday. I only need to do two more to have 100 reviews done. I just don't like doing them. |
| Second thoughts..... and thirds.....and fourths....... I don't know if I can do this. I tried going to work before but I ended up quitting after 2 1/2 weeks. I hate taking the buses really early or really late in the day. Winter will be here soon, and I don't think we can count on another mild one like last year. In fact, with last year having been so mild we're probably in for a harsh one this year. That's why I quit last time. Having to catch buses and then still having to walk through the snow for two or three blocks. I really don't want to let Audrey down. I don't want to let myself down. Some may say I'm setting myself up for failure by telling myself now that I'm not going to be able to do it. Will I really be able to keep my eye on the prize this time? I do need the money. I do need to feel better about myself. but is it going to make me feel better about myself if I can't do it? _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________- I'm heading into a depressive episode already with my writing. I am so horribly blocked. I don't even know if I am going to be able to finish October Novel Prep Month, let alone be able to do NaNoWriMo. What am I going to do? I've been reading inspirational sayings, meditating to reduce my stress, working with my Runes..... nothing seems to be helping. I'm dragging myself from day to day and I keep cancelling appointments and classes. I feel just okay when I get up in the mornings and by 1 pm I'm dragging and wanting to go back to bed. All I want to do is lay around...... My life just really sucks dirtwater right now...... |
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Stress = not good. Have no advice though. Breathe? I'm coming out of high anxiety and depression. It's been a slow uphill struggle.