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Random babblings of a confused miniature writer |
| A blog/journal just to babble/dabble in to try to keep my friends up to date on my pitiful existence. |
| My head spins all the time, and I have no focus. The smallest tasks have become major undertakings, David changed my room around so I wouldn't be overloading the one outlet. Saw David S. of Dr. Hanna's office. I told him off about me not knowing what we were doing about my cancer. He promised me he would get answers. By the time I had gotten back home I had a radiation consult scheduled. My tension and anxiety have been through the roof. My body keeps rebelling against me. All I want to do is sleep. I have no interests. Going through the motions robotically. Hopefully things will straighten themselves out soon. |
| well, I had finished my chemotherapy about a week ago and went today to see what the next step was. The prognosis was not good. the chemo had done little to nothing. The mass in my uterus had barely shrunk. So the next step is radiation. I need to get ahold of the radiologist and see what step of possibly several we need to take next. From what was mentioned, one treatment may be a 15 minute a day, five days a week cycle. Sounds like fun. I can freely admit that I am scared. Any time I think about it I want to curl up in a ball, tremble and just cry, On an upnote I've been writing again. I scribbled some notes on a new story. I added some notes to a couple of my novels. I've thought about trying to write some flash fiction or rewriting some of the short pieces I have. Right now I just have no way of keeping track of a word count among other things. I'll figure on typing things out at Clubhouse or the library. In the meantime, writing things out longhand will have to do. |
| Spent Tuesday going through the writings in my closet and under the bed. I was hoping that at least one of my notes would ignite the original spark I had with the idea. No such luck. I am hopelessly blocked on all my current stories. I have the beginnings and even parts of the middles; I even have some vague ideas of the endings. Making the pieces fit together however is a whole different entity. One of my biggest problems is that I have no one who wants to read what I have. It would help if I had an opinion if it is working. I am constantly second guessing myself on different aspects of the stories. "Would that really happen in that time frame?" 'Is that scene believable?" "Is it possible for that to happen that way?" Terry says I should start something new. I feel guilty about all these partial stories. I should finish something. I know I am not doing any reading and that contributes to the problem. How am I supposed to know what works if I am not looking at what has worked for others? Oh I read Writer's Digest and once in a while I look up advice on writing specific things, but no fiction. I have no real passion about anything anymore. I lack feelings. Without feelings, there is no spark. I'm hoping that I will feel something soon. It feels like my life is on hold. I cannot plan for anything until I find out what others have in mind. |
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