burned out

when i left the island i left both of you. i left the love of my life and the person i had such a hard time letting go of. the two of them. i was on an island, with the two of them.

i loved you both so much. i almost want to scream from the top of the elegant buildings in new haven that i've forgotten you. i've moved on. i've so much let go....

you said " youre forgiven, call me if you need to talk.."

i called you. i told you i wanted to talk. you were too busy. with what i dont know.

the girl that posted a heart on your facebook. does she know we lived together?
does she know what that means. have you forgotten?
do you know you've been making my heart ache for the past week?

even though i dont physically feel your warm body next to mine.
or count the birthmarks on your skull.
or feel your heartbeat under my palm.
or feel the drops of sweat on your back when we make love.
or make love to jan tierson, beirut, or ....
or dont sleep in late because i knew there would be a time when i wouldnt feel your body next to mine.
although humans see time linearally i could transport myself to a time when i knew i would miss your body next to mine... so i never let go.
i didnt wake up. i waited an extra two hours to start my day because i was obsessed with you.
and your hair.
and broken guitar.
and that you never wanted to be social in maui.
how you felt you were too good for all it.
i hope you see how difficult you were in the future.
not that i was easy, but at least i tried.
and at the same time i didnt.
you were my honey. i never wanted you to hurt.
your soft body.
silky skin.
tiny bottom.
beautiful erect penis.
nipples.
hair.
sweat.
thick.
hard.
loving.
passionate.
young.
crazy.
movie.
love.

i love you. and i miss you. and i dont want to talk to the enlightened you. i want to talk to you. and i want you to feel like im important enough for you to fucking talk to. you motherfucker.
seriously. im not one of those young girls you can throw aside.
you can, but you can count you're fucking lucky stars you wont be forgiven.