K'neto's Hotline

I came across an author in "Please Review"  needing help with his story.

I gave it 3.5 s.

"Invalid Item"  :

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First of all, keep your scripts to a single-space format.

Comma before "too" >
Sgt. Dikes went home too.

I suggest that the last part, the last paragraph be expanded... it seemed more of a synopsis to me, than of the actual story... I like to know more of what really happened -- what really was the aftermath... the second to last part being brief is understandable, as it is essential to the story itself... we, readers should already have an idea of what "could have"happenedto the main character. But leaving out the details, and just putting out the ending in a few words would not suffice. Try reading other shorts for reference, and you'll see what I mean. Writing a story is like holding a video camera in your hand, letting the events unfold gradually, and theatrically to reader's point of view. Some parts are better left unwritten, but at best, let your readers know and experience everything through your words.

Keep on writing, and I'll keep on reviewing!

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