House of Reviews

The writing is very concrete and sensory, which is good in general and very good for a story like this one.

So far, you have two things going on: Jack being established as a character (shy, convinced he is bad company), and Camille's mystery story.

I'm less interested in Camille as a person--she so far is more of a walking plot device, although her way of dealing with her situation is fairly intriguing.

Shifting to her point of view (POV)in the middle of a chapter is disconcerting, and her story line is so full of questions that it's hard to really care again about Jack--who actually deserves more development, and who could be very interesting in all this. If he is that convinced he doesn't deserve human companionship, he may be immune to any stock feminine wiles or male competition where Camille is concerned. He could be an idiot savant in all this, with unexpected insights and/or well-meaning intrusions into what is going on in her world.

Here is a suggestion: Either have the narration follow Jack's consciousness in general, with very brief intrusions from Camille's consciousness, or separate their different POVs into different chapters. The POVs will have to converge somehow, but at the beginning the reader needs to be engaged with each of them.

Thanks for posting, and I apologize for the delay in reviewing this.