Red Opium.

I hurt my bird the other day, and it really scared me. I turned on myself, cut my arms and watched the blood run down my arms with joy. Look at what I had done, I told myself, but I wasn't sad. All I wanted was so feel the pain that I had done to my bird, and it turned out that I hadn't actually hurt him, so thank goodness for that.

Also I was wondering if anyone knows anything about dreams? I ahve been having the same drearm for some ten years and its all about killing and pain, and a never ending life. All the main characater, who I think might be me, feels is pain, both physically and mentally, and she enjoys the physical pain. In fact she looks foward to it. She is always killing people and thinking nothing of it. Sometimes it scares me, but most of the time it is just a form of intertainment.