Daily Flash Fiction Challenge

“We should add a mantle over that fireplace,” said my wife.

It did look a little barren, but it was original to the house, and I hesitated to compromise two hundred years of history. “It’s not a very big fireplace,” I said. “A mantle might overwhelm it.”

“I think it would be cute. And it will be just the place for my collection of antique dentures.”

I thought the best place for that collection was in the fireplace, not over it, but my wife had some strange attraction to them. So I took some measurements and headed off to a craftsman who specialized in custom furniture made from antique wood.

His workshop was in an old barn. The building itself contained all the antique wood the guy should ever need, but he had nearly an equal amount stacked and shelved along the inside walls. I showed him the measurements, and he headed for a pile of scrap in the corner. He stared at the pile for a moment, and turned to me. “I’m afraid I can’t help you,” he said. “I don’t have anything that small.”

I gestured around the walls at all the old lumber. “Can’t you cut one of those down to size?”

“Oh, no,” he said. “Those are pieces of history. Once we saw the rough edges off those old boards, we never saw them again.”

I left, somewhat dejected, but appreciative of the craftsman’s respect for history. Then I implemented plan B. I picked up a board at Home Depot, beat it soundly with a hammer, left it outside for a month, and installed it over the fireplace. I figure, with that hideous collection of dentures on it, who’s going to stare long enough to notice?