Whine & Cheese Company, Inc. - 1

Dear Ms, Susen Graham Miller,

What is a Twit? I’m not familiar with that word, but I have a hunch it not too good. It is spelt right, ain’t it?

I am indeed flattered that you might thank I air qualified for engaging in nuptials with you. However, Irmalene, that’s my wife fer the last 38 years, mite object to that arrangement. And I have avoided the discussion of yor garter, I don’t even talk with Irmalene about garters and that women stuff, so I don’t think I’m gonna have much to say about that. When I wuz a boy, Timmy Lee Johnson and me, we stole Miss Farkward’s off’n her closeline to make some slangshots with. Well, when momma found out about that, we tu say our apologies to Miss Farkward in front of the whole church. But man wuz them slangshots sump’in else. Nobody had a slangshop with white rubberbands like ours. But the experience was not a pleasant one cause we had to buy Miss Farkward a new one and she bought a high priced one. So as I said, I don’t talk about them thangs anymore.

We don’t take them credit cards. We only take cash, check or money order, so you kin go to the quickstop and buy one of them money orders and send to us. Maybe they eccept that garter money.

Now, did you say you wanted that order by Easter? Bubba wuz cheking the orders for Easter and he just tell me that he doubt he git that order out by Easter. However, if you increase your order and pay early, he will be happy to kick one of them cheap orders to the 4th of July.

Thanking you for your order, I remain

Whinningly Yours.
Jim Whinnery, Married Head Whiner
Irmalene Whinnery, Temporary Head Mail Cheker