Noticing Newbies

Hi,
My writing experience is mostly with poetry and song lyrics. I lead a community of composers who are always looking for fresh material. That's mainly why I'm here. However, I would love to share some of my stuff and see what people think. Honest critique is the only kind of value in my book. Please share some.

Afternoon Delight

A brighter light shown then
On brain canvas
Unblotched, unblemished
Undimmed by passing time or too much seen,
Music of now forgotten tunes streamed
From a black-chorded box filling the air.
She smiled.
“Come help,” I came
The hand-held pan
My job
Collecting dirt and dust swept past her shoes
Turning till each dull line declining, disappearing.
Red floor tile concealing what remains.
What remains burned forever in neat gray folds.

copyright me, just ask.