I've just had a quick read of your story and it doesn't contain any of the types of mistakes I make so I've left it to one of the better writers to give you a formal review.
one thing I would say is it is hard to invest in a character called the boy.
you will find a lot of people here stick to their own subgroups, fantasy, horror, sci-fi, etc.
one thing I missed and should have done when was to join the angel support system because there are a lot of bits to this site,
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