"A Problem Page For All!"

i have actually thought of what i woudl do with an unwanted pregnancy in the past. the only time i can ever see that as being a good thing for me in my life is in some sort of mills and boon scenario *grins at everyone* yeah, i know it's sad, but hear me out; this is actually quite funny in it's own little way.

see, reason number 1: if i had a guy that i really loved and then he died, i would be delighted to find out that i was accidentally pregnant because it would be something of him for me to hold on to.

reason number 2 (because all great things come in twos!): if there was a guy whom i really loved and we had some falling out and nothing would ever have gotten us to talk to each other except for him finding out that i had had his baby and he coudln't bear to let me out of his life and i couldn't bear to be without him.

yeah yeah, i know i know. sappy to the core! but it was a fun interlude at least.


coming back into real life again *takes a deep breath as her head reaches the surface again* i always imagined i would abort it. this is without even thinking about the guy because quite frankly, i can't imagine being with a guy i would want such a tie to as marriage or kids. my reasons are this: i have too much that i want to do in my life and if i had a kid, i could all too easily blame it for holding me back.

however, having said that, i now realise this is kind of an outdated view, in remembering my 'idealist dreams' post a little while back. does that mean that i have gone and done everything that i set out to achieve? does that mean that i could be happy having a baby of my own now?

shit, does that mean that i'm only holding on to not wanting one because that is what i've said my entire life?

damn.