"A Problem Page For All!"

About the terrorist attacks, well, you know about what happened in Madrid right? Well appearantly there are other countries on their list aswell, like Holland, England etc, every country that has anything to do with the war in Iraq. Like Liz said, I also refuse to live in fear. If I die, I die. I hope it won't happen any time soon, but if it happens, so be it.

About Turkey, uh... ok the whole story..
Tamara went to that same hotel last October, and met Savas there, he's the photographer in the hotel. Anyway, she really liked him, and they had fun together, etc, but she figured that guys like that would have a new girl every week. But it turned out that he really liked her too, and they emailed a lot when she was back in Holland, and talked on the phone a lot. Anyway, she went there again in February, and is crazy in love now, and made it her day job to convince people to come with her to Turkey, because she doesn't want to go alone.
I was the first person on her list, she really wanted me to come, so she and Savas set me up with a friend of his, Ali. I told tamara that I wasn't at all interested, but one day she was talking to Ali on msn, and she added me to the conversation. So then Ali had my email address etc etc, and he added me, and we talked a couple of times, and he was nice, but I still wasn't interested.
He also works at the hotel we went to.
When we arrived at the hotel, he wasn't there, but later that night, I saw him, and i was like 'oh my god' (he was really cute, much better looking than on the pictures Tamara sent me) He recognized me right away too, and smiled at me, and I smiled back, and then quickly walked away..
That night we were really drunk (my mother, Rian and I) and Rian and I talked with Ali until 4 am, when we finally went to bed. He had to work the following 2 nights, but we planned to go to alanya wednesday night (Ali, rian, sander (a dutch guy we met at the hotel) and me)
Wednesday night was fun, we were pretty drunk again, Ali and I made out, Rian and Sander made out (oops... Rian has a boyfriend, she felt really bad about it the next day). Thursday night we went for a drink in Konakli (the little town the hotel was at) and after that I went home with Ali... I hope you guys know me, and know that I'm not a one that sleeps around, that screws everybody she slightly likes..
Next morning I had to sneak back in to the hotel before my parents would wake up, I didn't really want them to know.. That night we went home again. Ali said that he would really miss me, and that he couldn't wait to see me again i June (Tamara talked me in to going with her a few weeks before...)
Like Tamara I figured that he would have another girl every week, I mean, he work in a hotel!! New beautiful girls check into the hotel every week!! Much more beautiful than me!!
When I spent the night at his place, all night he had his arms around me when we were sleeping, and at one moment he asked if I would ever consider moving to Turkey.. Oh my God!!
I like him, I really do, but I don't see me getting serious with him, I mean, what's the use anyway, he lives in Turkey!! And I would never give up my life here, my friends etc! I would have to love someone a whole lot to give up everything for him! I would have to be really sure that it would be a relationship that would last forever..
I don't want to break his heart, he says he really likes me etc, and keeps saying sweet things to me on msn, but this could never work.
And I hate how this always happens to me. I'm having fun, and the guy falls in love and I end up breaking his heart. I never mean to hurt anybody, and I really liked these guys, but I just can't seem to fall in love.. It's like there's a wall around my heart, that prevents me to fall in love with someone..
Sorry, I'm getting a bit distracted..
I was talking about the embarrassing things that happened in Turkey.. The second night I ended up throwing up in front of the hotel, while Ali was at work and he saw everything.. I can't believe he still liked me after that but ok :P.
I also did some other embarrassing things while being drunk, so from now on I'm going to cut back on my alcohol use for a while..

Of course we did other things then getting drunk aswell, one day we rented a car and got to see some really cool and beautiful places, we walked around Konali a lot, went shopping in Alanya, did this really cool boat tour in Alanya (too bad we did the boat tour the day after I got so sick, I still wasn't feeling too well, and I get sick on a boat easily..

This post is already way to long! Sorry to take up so much of your time with my boring stories..

Cait, I got your package thursday, and I loved it!! Thank you thank you thank you!!
I won't be able to get a package together in time for your birthday, forgive me, but you'll get it sometime..
Liz, I'm writing you a letter this week!! I promise!!!

Only dead fish follow the stream