Finish the ...

: Turkey DrumStik
: 09-04-08 @ 1:19pm
: the Kurds decided to take over a cottage cheese factory in Central Pennsylvania. As a result, the cheese tasted like

: Coal
: 09-04-08 @ 11:38pm
: flat beer and the sour cream was even worse, like something from that carnival stand you paid too much for and ended up...

: Steev the Friction Wizurd
: 09-05-08 @ 10:25am
: hallucinating that you were a fighter pilot on the Twist-A-Whirl and got shot down, held POW, became president of a large capitalist country and then you woke up and said...

: Turkey DrumStik
: 09-05-08 @ 10:35am
: I'm never eating fair food again! But what happened during the day was

: Coal
: 09-05-08 @ 1:55pm
: even worse. By 1 pm "Carnies" started emerging from everywhere- teacups, lemonade vats, freshly dug holes, abandoned baby carriages and greasy charcoal laden gearboxes. A few of us stragglers..

: Steev the Friction Wizurd
: 09-06-08 @ 9:39am
: were eaten alive until we wised up and started running for our lives, screaming "Cannibal Carnies! Cannibal Carnies!" and trying to warn...

: Coal
: 09-10-08 @ 8:53am
: the middle-aged tourists banded together with camera cords and melted cotton candy. They move stealthily along like a hawaiian lei on a lazy river, but then some idiot with a samsung...

: Steev the Friction Wizurd
: 09-11-08 @ 10:25am
: start's singing Sam's Song and a reincarnation of the Son of Sam mysteriously appears and decapitates half of the gawkers before the other half realize they better stop gawking and start...

: Coal
: 09-11-08 @ 12:55pm
: filming. After all, the you-tubers would love this! "Hey, will you take a picture of the rest of us!?," an unnasuming survivor asks Sam. "Sure, then we'll have a nice picnic over by Hell's Hammer and..

: Steev the Friction Wizurd
: 09-13-08 @ 7:19am
: Saw. Isn't that where they are constructing the sets for Satan's new movie about the End Times? I'd love to be an extra on that and...

: Coal
: 09-15-08 @ 8:03pm
: get lost in a crowd of nubile young co-eds. Better yet, I could sneak up on Morgan Freeman in his trailer and pretend to be delivering...

: Steev the Friction Wizurd
: 09-16-08 @ 8:02am
: the Sermon on the Mount. When I got to "Blessed are the meek..." I would sucker punch him, shouting "I AM NOT MEEK!" and then I would grab a nubile co-ed and...

: Coal
: 09-17-08 @ 7:34pm
: cry "SET THE LAB RATS FREE!" but they wouldn't listen and then I would grab the co-ed again and apologize for all the grabbing and add "Hey, you really ARE nubile," and together we would...

: Steev the Friction Wizurd
: 09-18-08 @ 8:29am
: do the Nubile Dance until we were exhausted and then sit around laughing while we ate big bowls of Cheerios DRENCHED with fresh milk from organically-grown cows and then we would...

: Coal
: 09-18-08 @ 3:35pm
: compare organic teets with synthetic teets and make bovine jokes until the co-ed yawns and skips off into the meadow and the flowers release hords of pollinated...

: Turkey DrumStik
: 09-18-08 @ 3:36pm
: mold spores that look vaguely like bumblebees on acid. How do I know? Well, I

: Steev the Friction Wizurd
: 09-19-08 @ 9:09am
: was once a meadow maid myself, sleeping with the cows and eating wildflowers all day. God, that screwed up my mind. But thanks to the help of a passing tramp, today I am...

: Coal
: 09-19-08 @ 10:13am
: living on the far side of the meadow in the shell of a '69 VW Van with nothing but a laptop and free internet (thanks to Dusty,) -eeking out a meager and peaceful way of life on Ebay selling..

: Steev the Friction Wizurd
: 09-20-08 @ 7:15am
: cute jewelry I make from bird droppings by molding them into erotic shapes and drying them in the sun. But you know what really annoys me? It's when...

: Piglet
: 09-20-08 @ 7:58am
: the local deputy's son stops by to wave his gun at me and push me around. Someone should really teach him a lesson! I mentioned this to Gil at the pool hall, and he...

: Coal
: 09-20-08 @ 11:46am
: said he'd handle it, for a couple of mockingbird waist chains and some ankle splats. Well, I went right to work and so did Gil. He chewed his Winston butt, chased it with a pitcher of beer, jumped into his crusty old dodge pickup and...

: TSC
: 09-20-08 @ 1:03pm
: ...drove into a snarling Ninja Cyborg Zombie Pirate! The most dangerious of the Ninja-Cyborg sub catagories. The group then decided to...

: *Jenny*
: 09-21-08 @ 2:01am
: Go skydiving. But their parachutes...

: Steev the Friction Wizurd
: 09-21-08 @ 8:36am
: were packed by some ex-Santa elves laid off until Christmas and that myth about "elves have nimble fingers" must be an urban fairytale because those parachutes...

: Coal
: 09-22-08 @ 7:25pm
: came out wrinkled and without the fresh scent of lilac blossom dew. One elf, "Jezalina," removed hers immediately upon deploy. "I'll not be seen with a messy chute in public," she grumbled, dropping from the sky like a ...

: Mr. Chowda Head
: 09-23-08 @ 5:33am
: meteor, except not as fast, without the firy tail, and dressed in a cute elf suit, but other than that, just like one. Until, she was about eight feet from becoming and little green pancake, she

: Steev the Friction Wizurd
: 09-23-08 @ 8:41am
: hit her "magic stop" button on her emergency belt pack, but wouldn't you just know it? It didn't work, so she...

: Piglet
: 09-23-08 @ 10:01am
: asked forgiveness for her sins since she knew she would be meeting her maker in .05 secs. Too bad forgiveness takes at least 5 mins to process due to a backlog in paperwork. When she hit the ground, she...

: Coal
: 09-24-08 @ 12:29am
: immediately began to apply for University Legal Counsel which she was available for because...

: Steev the Friction Wizurd
: 09-24-08 @ 5:42am
: she was now a short person with a width-to-height ratio that exceeded 100 to 1, thus qualifying her for a Pancake Person loan and free...

: Coal
: 09-24-08 @ 5:23pm
: blind date service for life from GoochyGoochy.com. Doctor 'Expandable Foam' Phil offered to straighten her out by..

: Steev the Friction Wizurd
: 09-25-08 @ 9:56am
: blowing hot air into one of her orifices while plugging up the rest of them, but she wasn't sure what an orifice was so she consulted...

: Coal
: 09-25-08 @ 1:23pm
: Spongebob Squarepants who quickly demonstrated the art of orifice locating by drinking octopus ink and squeezing it out of his holes. Jez couldn't decide which "O" to use so she began to point at her holes and play 'Eanie Meanie Minie ...

: Steev the Friction Wizurd
: 09-26-08 @ 7:46am
: ...Mack, this finger game is mighty whack." But her finger ended up pointing at her secret orifice and she didn't want Doctor Phil going there so she said...

: Starr* Rathburn
: 09-26-08 @ 10:58pm
: "Back off, Phil! Stop giving me all this flack. You're driving me nuts with your condescending attitude." Then she opened the window and flew outside, bringing with her...

: 'Rav - Overflooding...
: 09-26-08 @ 11:33pm
: waffles! Because everybody loves waffles. But then she got distracted with the maple syrup and butter and...

: Steev the Friction Wizurd
: 09-27-08 @ 7:55am
: and the whipped topping and the plate and the fork and the napkin and finally she threw the whole pile of junk down and said, "I just wanted a damn waffle! Not a Martha Stewart moment! Why can't...

: Coal
: 09-27-08 @ 3:47pm
: you just walk up to the asylum vending machine and buy a friggin leggo? Oh, that's right I'm a pancake. Ha. A pancake eating a waffle..Next thing you know...

: Steev the Friction Wizurd
: 09-28-08 @ 9:21am
: the mustard will drink the ketchup and the refrigerator will marry the stove and my God I think I need another one of those pills! Doctor! DOCTOR! Please...

: Coal
: 09-30-08 @ 7:59am
: Ohh, the mess I'm in" baled the Scorpions on Daryl's phone. "Can't you get a different ringtone?," Carmen muttered, wondering why she always had to ride with him on late-night pharmacy deliveries. Daryl flicked his mullet and...

: Steev the Friction Wizurd
: 09-30-08 @ 10:09am
: Philip buffeted his brow while Alice ironed her bored husband's cumberbund until her hands were red and raw and she was thinking: "I wonder what Daryl...

: Coal
: 10-06-08 @ 2:24pm
: would look like in a cumberbund." Dr. Phil's soothing voice penetrated the heavy silence. "Do you have an unhealthy fixation with that particular orifice?," he asked the panting, pointing pancake girl directly.

: Coal
: 10-22-08 @ 5:29pm
: Krispy Creme dropped by to soak up a little conversation just in time. "Hey, someone needs to dust off the cobwebs here. You guys look like..

: Coal
: 11-19-08 @ 9:06pm
: and just in time Old Man Jabby stopped by Ft..'s loading dock and gathered up all the old stale, humorless pastries and scooped them into his battery-powered...

: Coal
: 11-19-08 @ 9:08pm
: wicker wheel. He liked to pretend he was chewing..

: Turkey DrumStik
: 12-08-08 @ 7:34pm
: on medium rare filet mignon spiced with a touch of sea salt. Only problem is, he was in a Shanghai restaurant surrounded by...

: Steev the Friction Wizurd
: 12-08-08 @ 8:20pm
: oriental-looking people armed with long stalks of celery. "Where are you going to stick that celery?" he asked, trembling a little. Once, when he was younger, he had...

: Steev the Friction Wizurd
: 12-10-08 @ 11:10am
: a bad experience with celery and then... onions! So he was very tentavie about approaching strange vegetables. He tugged the waiter's sleeve and whispered, "Can I please have...

: Coal
: 12-10-08 @ 9:29pm
: a glass of sulfuric acid?" Little did the startled waiter know that his intent was to dissolve the veggies. "Oh, and a full plate of bloody red...

: Steev the Friction Wizurd
: 12-10-08 @ 9:50pm
: octopi. Not those pale, bleached-looking octopi. I want the red ones. And some dipping sauce. Oh, yes! And some...

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