Gina was an athlete, but Kappa Gamma Delta was famous. They were the pinnacle of the University's social scene, and the first choice for any new female student. Gina wanted to check them out.
Part of being the pinnacle of the social scene meant partying. So when they walked in before noon, three of the sisters were lying around their common room in sweatpants, looking very hung over and watching "Oprah". Gina, as a possible pledge, was walked into a back room to talk with the sorority president, leaving Dennis with the hung over girls and Oprah. Oof. If ever there was a time to make a scene more perfect, this was it.
"Why are you taking a picture of the TV?"
"Oh... sorry. Just playing around with my new camera." Which apparently wasn't so great at making a scene perfect. The TV was still showing Oprah.
"Today on the Oprah Winfrey show, a full hour with Kirstie Alley, and the fitness breakthrough that will change your life."
There was a commercial pause, and then Oprah came back on one of the girls turned the volume up.
"Like me, and so many of you out there, my guest today knows all about the struggle that modern American women have with their weight. The self-described 'fat actress' has been the subject of endless tabloid columns about her weight, and had a reality series revolving primarily on her efforts to lose that weight and get in shape. She's here today to show you the results of her efforts, and to introduce a health and fitness breakthrough that will change the world. Please welcome, Kirstie Alley!"
Kirstie Alley strode onto the stage wearing a loose fitting bathrobe. Dennis knew there would be a "ta-dah!" I'm wearing a bikini underneath, look at all the weight I lost moment coming. Strange, though, she really didn't look like she's lost a lot of weight under the robe.
Kirstie walked over to Oprah and hugged her, lifting the host off the ground before releasing her.
"Easy girl!" Oprah laughed with her, and the audience joined in.
"I'm just so happy to be here!" she exclaimed in a bubbly voice.
The crowd settled down and Oprah started her interview.
"Kirstie, like me and millions of others, you've struggled with your weight. We all know how that is! But you're here today to tell us that something has changed."
"That's right, Oprah. We, as the women of this nation, have become obsessed with thin. Being skinny, it's the new holy grail. And the more we've tried to get skinny, the fatter and less fit we've gotten. It has to stop! We need to drop this obsession with weight and size."
"Instead of trying to lose what we are, I decided that we need to start reshaping it. This obsession with thin bypasses so many important things in life. What about health? What about fitness? What about functional strength? Thin people are weaklings!"
The crowd laughed. Back in the sorority common room, all the girls, seemed to be watching the TV with great attention. None of them was overweight, but they all struggled to keep their bodies looking their best.
"I came to this conclusion, that we had to get away from losing weight and go to gaining fitness several years back, and started working with some researchers at UCLA on a new supplement that would do just that. And I have great news! It's here!"
She stood up and put her hands on the robe.
"You want to see the results? Do you?" The crowd roared it's approval.
Waiting a few minutes for the crowd's approval to reach it's climax, she quickly tore open her robe and dropped it to the floor. Sure enough, as Dennis had predicted, she was in a bikini underneath. But he never would have guessed at the rest of it.
Underneath her robe, Kirstie Alley had the most muscular body Dennis had ever seen! She looked fantastic. The thick pillars of her thighs swept in to her relatively small knee joint, while cantaloupe sized calves clung to the back of her legs. Her waist was covered in a muscular narrow six-pack, which swept up to her impossibly wide shoulders. She flexed a massive bicep and smiled.
A gasp went through the crowd. They weren't sure what to make of this! A few started to tentatively cheer. Total silence descended over the sorority living room, as the girls, and Dennis, watched transfixed.
"My God, Kirstie, that's amazing!"
"I know! It feels amazing too, you have no idea. I've been fat and that's not fun. You're tired all the time, have no energy, and you look like hell. I've been thin too, and that's not much fun either. You're weak and depleted all the time. All you can do is think about what you're allowed to eat and what you can't. Let me tell you, this is so much better than either of those alternatives."
Dennis saw the girls in the room start nodding in agreement.
"I'm stronger and fitter than I've ever been. To say I have boundless energy now is such an understatement! And my sex drive?" she lowered her voice to a whisper, "through the roof!"
The crowd cheered wildly at that comment.
"But how did you do it? That had to take a lot of hard work in the gym, right?"
"Oh Oprah, no amount of gym time would have done this to me. It's all thanks to this new supplement I was talking about. It's a all natural compound that tells your body to convert your fat into muscle. Well, not all your fat. They designed it to specifically avoid the conversion of mammary tissue." She held her hands up to the giant breasts that remained perched firmly on her muscular chest. "Most women actually gain a cup size or so due to the expansion of their pectoral muscles. I went up two."
When I first tried the supplement I weighed 238 pounds, and after I tried it, I weighed 238 pounds. But instead of 238 pounds of flab, I was 238 pounds of strong sexy muscle!" She flexed again to make her point and the crowd cheered. She had won them over.
"I've actually lost a little weight since then, I was 212 this morning when I weighed myself. That's one of the side effects, all this muscle turns your body into a calorie burning machine! I eat anything and everything I want and still lose weight. Over time the muscle does tend to go away, and if you keep eating everything you want, the fat might start to come back, but the answer to that is simple enough. Just take another pill!"
"There's an old cliche that nothing tastes as good as being thin feels. Bullshit. Let me tell you, Oprah, feeling strong feels so much better than feeling thin ever did!"
Kirstie bent down to pick up Oprah and her chair with only her left hand. The cheers grew louder. She flexed her right bicep, then put the host down and took her seat.
"I'm sorry about that, I'm just so excited about this all!"
"That's understandable, Kirstie," Oprah replied with a nervous laugh, clearly a little flustered. She'd just been picked up as if she weighed nothing, that did something to a woman! She needed to get herself some of whatever it was that Kirstie was selling right away!
"With your permission, Oprah, I'd like to demonstrate for you. Does anyone from the audience want to try this process? It works in about 20 minutes, and I think it would be great if we could show you how it works during the rest of the show. Any volunteers?"
"We need to take a break, Kirstie. When we come back we'll get the audience's reaction to Kirstie's transformation, and we'll see if we can find a volunteer to undergo the same changes. Stay tuned!"
Dennis was stunned. The camera, did it do that? Was it possible? The sorority girls chattered excitedly back and forth.
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