Frank Carlson was doing what he usually did on his average Saturday after now a days. He sat back in his dirty old recliner petting his (or more accurately his daughter Leah's) black labrador Daisy. Frank had just put an empty bottle of beer on the ground to go along with other 100 or so that littered his small home. Frank was about to open another when he was stopped by a knock on the door and voice on the other side called out. "Frank, bro, you've got to let me in and see this stuff."
Frank sighed and reluctantly put down the beer and opened the door. He was annoyed that he actually had to stand up and do something today other than sit still living off of a combination of welfare and the money his and Frank's parents had left them, but when Earl was this motivated to see him it usually meant he got his hands on something good. Probably just some slightly stronger strain of weed, but who knows, maybe Earl actually got his hands on some good stuff today. Little did Frank know what he was about to get into when he opened the door.
Earl barged in with his hands inside of a ridiculous overcoat that wouldn't look out of place at a noir themed costume party. "Earl, what the hell are you wearing?"
"What? It's my jacket, I needed to look inconspicuous."
"Inconspicuous? It's the middle of summer in fucking Las Vegas. It's hot as balls and you're walking around in an overcoat. You could not look more suspicious."
"Well smartass if I was just wearing my usual shorts and t shirt there would be no way I could hide...this!" Earl whipped open his coat and Frank looked away thinking Earl was flashing him as a part of some sort of stupid drunken prank, but when he turned around he saw that Earl was pointing a purple and silver colored weird looking handgun at him. "WHAT THE FUCK!" Frank said as he dived behind his torn up recliner and bruised his legs on some garbage. "SHIT Earl! What's wrong with you! You want the rest of the inheritance! Well fuck you! We probably spent it all by now so you're not getting NOTHING!"
"Frank! Calm down! It's not a big deal, it's actually really cool!"
"Guns are not cool Earl! They are fucking dangerous! You don't point it at someone unless you want them dead!"
"I wasn't going to kill you! That's not what this does! Screw it, I'll just show you." Frank poked his head out from behind the recliner just long enough to see Earl point the gun at Daisy and pull the trigger. There was no bang, but there was a weird noise that sounded like quick bird chirp, a blue projectile hit Daisy, and down she went.
"You asshole! What's wrong with you!" Frank said as he went around the chair and charged at Earl ready to tackle him, but Earl was ready for him and pointed the gun at Frank. Frank heard the weird chirp, saw a blue light, and everything went black.
Blackness was all Frank saw, he thought his crappy waste of a life had come to an end. He thought about his ex wife Linda and how much they hated each other's guts and he thought about Leah and how much she hated him too even though he actually kind of tried to not be shitty to her. He thought about Earl and how much time the two of them had wasted together just drinking and smoking God knows how many days away. In the blackness Frank even thought he could hear Earl's voice say something he'd heard about 1000 times. "Hey dumbass, wake up."
Instinctively these words caused Frank to open his eyes, and was surprised to see he wasn't dead after taking a bullet to the brain. "What the hell." Frank said as he tried to stand up only to find his legs didn't support him. Earl laughed, "I think you might find it easier to walk on all fours good buddy."
"Seriously, what the hell are you talking about." Frank said as the room began to come into focus and he realized Earl was squatting down to look him in the eyes, and not only that, the proportions of the entire room seemed off. And finally remembered about Daisy, he turned to look for her and yelped when he saw her. Instead of seeing his daughter's dog on the floor bleeding to death like he expected, Daisy was sitting in his recliner and while her head was bullet hole free, the rest of her body was very wrong, in fact it was human, and bared a startling resemblance to his body. Connecting the dots Frank looked down and sure enough from the neck down he had the body of his daughter's black labrador.
"The FUCK!"
"I know, it's cool right!" Earl said looking at the weird gun that had done this with an awed look in his eyes. "I went out to the usual dispensary, but it must have closed or something because there was this cheap looking magic shot. And the old dude inside just told me that this gun would be just the spark I needed to get my ass in gear. I didn't believe him until he pointed it at me and himself and swapped us around. He shot again and swapped us back and I gave him all the cash I had for it. Frank, I don't know how yet, but this is going to make us rich."
"Earl, how is turning me into a dog going to make us rich."
"Oh I was just fucking with you. Plus I had to show you how it works. Now I'm going to go out to Shannon's diner for some lunch and when I get back we'll have a brainstorming session. You go ahead and get started. I'll see you in a few hours." Earl got up to leave when Frank called as he awkwardly tried to walk on his new paws to his brother and stumbled a bit on the way, "Wait! You can't leave me like this!"
Earl smiled and smacked himself in the head, "Silly me, you're right." And Earl went to the kitchen and set out a bowl of dog food and a bowl of water, "I can't expect Daisy to take care of you like this. I think this thing had reality altering stuff, but I haven't messed with it yet so I don't know how other people will react to you. All right, I'm out. If you shit in the house I'm not cleaning it up. Later." And with that Earl was gone. Frank tried to paw at the front door to open it to chase after him but couldn't manage it. Reluctantly he went back to the chair and climbed up and tried to get comfortable with Daisy. "This is just a bad dream. I'm going to wake up and it'll all be over." Frank said as he closed his eyes.
He didn't even get a chance to dream as about an hour later there was another knock on the door.
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