I have been a catholic all my life and I believe that I will die being one. It's not that I have anything against other religions, it's just that this is where I found my salvation and felt the incomparable and unconditional love of God for me.
I thought that going to mass every Sunday and other holy days and by praying the rosary and other novena's are enough. I am charitable to those who need and as much as possible avoid sinning. But as I grew up, I realized that what I have been doing my whole life is not enough to give back to Jesus everything that He is giving me. All my life I never experience hardships and trials. I am an only child and my parents are well off. As I grew up I always get what I want and my needs, so I felt that I'm okay.
The real awakening happened to me just last year; I was already working in a university as a professor and am standing as the head of my family. The year before that, my father came home from his work as a seaman. Every time he arrives, he always went to the office and get his pay and report as well to the captain. The day ended without my father going home. My mom was already getting worried because it is not like my father to not come home after going to the office. Funny, but I was not bothered at all about my father's absence. I believe that I shouldn't worry a lot because Jesus will take care of my father and that He is always there for us. But I still have this uneasiness in me because we still don't know where my father was. My mom hasn't slept the entire night waiting for my dad to arrive but he hasn't. She was crying already and been calling everyone we knew where my father could have been. I didn't plan on going to work that day because I want to be with my mom and calm her but she told me to go. I was at my office studying for a license exam when my mom called the office and told me to come to the precinct because my father was said to be there. I immediately went to the said precinct and truthfully, my father was there, sleeping, groggy and tired-looking. He was slouched in the police's bench, his left arm hanging and his back bent down. When I saw my dad looking like that I found myself crying uncontrollably and rushed to where my father was sitting. He was already half-awake but was still groggy. We later found out from the police that my dad was brought there by a taxi-driver and was robbed and drugged by a gang. All my dad's jewelry, even his wedding ring was taken, his shoes, all his papers, passports, visa, you-name-it was taken, all his money that he worked for 6 months was taken. It doesn't matter what was lost, we thought, we were so happy that those evil-possessed people didn't left my dad dead on the streets. Praise God because He has been watching my dad the whole time. He had heard our cries and prayers the entire time my dad was away from us. Even though we've lost a lot we were thankful because Jesus our Savior saved my dad and gave him another chance in life. After that my dad had a problem sleeping, he was emotionally stressed and bothered by the events and he was always thinking of the face of his assailant. We prayed together and help each other forgive and forget. It has been a year and four months since my dad's second life and we're very very grateful to Jesus for that miracle. That incident left us financially unstable, but that was not a problem because I had my job and we had our savings. But then when I landed myself in the job at the university, everything went wrong. My life was twisted and stained from events that I am forever regretful happening. In that job I fell in love and I thought when I truly fell in love everything will be perfect but it has not been. That love was dirty, wrong. It turned me into a completely different person. I lived my life just for that guy alone. I forgot about my parents, I lied to them, I even push them to leave me alone and just go to the province. I treat them as if they don't exist and our relationship was starting to break because of miscommunication. I hardly ever pray and I completely forget the values I hold dear in my life. I was not afraid if I break any of the Ten Commandments. I was not afraid of God's anger anymore. My boyfriend taught me many things that are unfavorable to God and I don't care. I was blinded by my love. I was not serious about my job anymore. I'm taking everything else for granted because of that relationship. One day my mom told me that both she and my dad had a dream. It was about me. In my mom's dream I was falling in a deep and dark well and she was screaming because I was falling away from her. In my dad's dream I was being taken away by a man he don't know. I immediately know what their dreams meant. I was falling into sin and the man in my dad's dream was my boyfriend. I realized I have to wake up and stop my wrong doings, I decide to confess my sins. Two days after that I received a very bad news that rocked not only my world but also my whole family. I resigned from my work and planned to look for another, entirely different environment. I was lonely and depressed because of our financial status and the fact that my boyfriend and I will be separated. A week after that I went to confession and obtained my forgiveness by God. And just a day after that I broke up with my boyfriend. I was so devastated because within a week I lost two of the most important part in my life. I tried to make it with my ex but he refused and that hurt me a lot. I felt that I died that time. I was so gloomy, always out of my mind, and my tears are all dried up from crying day and night. I lost weight because of that. I was loveless and jobless that time. And my parents are worried and problematic about our bills and other stuffs. Three weeks after that I attended a seminar. It was called PREX (Parish Renewal Experience Seminar). It went for three days and two nights. That was were I was awakened completely. The realization of what I was doing hit me and I was healed of my pains. I accepted my mistakes and accepted God's love for me. I was so stupid and foolish to have done what I did and hurt my parents and most especially, I hurt God that way. It was hard for me to forgive myself because the past and the pain of it haunt me. But eventually I have to forgive myself because Jesus died on the cross for my sins. He died because He forgave me. He loved me so much that He sacrificed Himself for my sins. After that seminar, everything went back to normal. Actually, it even became greater than before. Even though I don't have a special someone in my life, I had my parents, who like Jesus, loved me unconditionally and understood what I've been through. Our relationship became even better than before and our love for each other is evident. I feel warm and secure just thinking about it. Just a month after I resigned, God gave me a job at a company I could never have dreamt working into. The job Jesus gave me was great! Everything was wonderful. After two months of working, I was promoted to another position and my salary increased. Even though we don't have any money at all, we have each other, our possessions and our God. My salary help my family and with the added blessings Jesus is showering us everyday. When we think that we don't have much, Jesus is always there giving us just what we need. God is truly alive and working in our lives. He watches us and takes care of us always. There are times that I just feel like crying because I feel so guilty to God. He loves me so much that I feel like I'm not worthy because I am a sinner. Like right now, I had been bad again but I continue to pray and pray to help me be strong and to fight temptation. I remember a quote I love by heart, it says: 'God is Himself the source of all mercy. He does not ask if were worthy of His love, but He pours upon us the riches of His love to make us worthy.' And I say Amen! To that. Praise God!
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