Oh God, you were the bum! Ugh. You had been to your share of high school parties, and had gotten drunk on a couple of occasions, but the hangover you were now experiencing was of impossible proportions! Your vision was fuzzy, as if your eyes served only to focus the rays of the sun into tight lasers that burned straight into your brain. Your body ached, so much so that you dared not get up from the bench for fear of vomiting.
You slowly sat up and put your hands to your temples to stop the world from spinning. No luck. You shut your eyes, and incredibly, your head still spun in the darkness. You knew it was cliche to think of homeless as "Whinos" or "Bums," but this guy had more alcohol in his bloodstream than oxygen.
You softly swore as you stumbled over to the playground. Your lack of balance and coordination was certainly noteworthy, and you would normally be amused by it, but now was not the time for procrastination; you had to find that old hag!
As you approached the half-dozen kids playing on the jungle gym, the kids' guardians suddenly formed a protective barrier between you and them Good, you hated kids anyway. Maybe you could get a reasonable answer from adults. You asked them if they'd seen an old woman hanging around, but it came out more like, "Aff oo sheen uh mooman? Am old llllayyydeee?"
The leader of this pack of rabid, overprotective parents was a short woman in her late twenties. Her fists were curled in front of her, and you thought she actually might deck you, "Back off pervert, or I'll hit you so hard the soup kitchen will feel it!"
"All right, that's it! I will have you know, lady, that I had Filet Mignon last night with my 16 year-old girlfriend! And that was the last good thing I've had to eat. Since that meal last night, I almost killed an old hag who cursed me, I've seen my sister's naughty underwear, I performed cosmetic surgery on a black woman, and then stole her boyfriend's truck to get here."
A tall woman behind the leader reached for her cell phone, "I'm calling the cops."
You reached out, "No, wait!"
And that's when the short woman knocked you out.
When you wake up, you're...
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