Dear Katrina,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 3^rd WDC Anniversary!

         It's only fitting that my first Anniversary Review for June go to you honey. Happy THIRD WDC Anniversary!

         You know I love your stories, love how you take a small idea, and weave it into a much larger story. This is one of those, and I love it. Having the lights touch each other, bringing back memories from her life was an excellent simile. But it does need a little editing TLC, but nothing major at all.




Title:  Perfect for this story.



Description:  Very good, but you might try to lengthen it a bit more to draw more readers in.



Grammar:  You have a tendency to mix up your wording sometimes, I have highlighted a couple of them for you.




My Favorite Part:  Her light passing on memories to the other lights.





General Comments:  

1. She sat up gradually becoming more aware of her surroundings as the cobwebs slowly cleared. I think this would be better worded as follows. As the cobwebs slowly cleared, she sat up and gradually became more aware of her surroundings.

2. Captivated by the beauty of what looked like hundreds of fireflies sparkling over the yard. This is an incomplete sentence, it lacks a subject. If you added 'She was' at the beginning of the sentence, it reads fine.

3. The moonlight illuminated the rolling fog over the lake, the heavenly stars twinkled above in the clear cloudless sky, and the points of light all over the yard, created a beautiful masterpiece in the silence of such a peaceful night.

4. These beloved ones, that had made such an impact on her life. You don't need a comma in this sentence.

5. She watched as her heart light floated in front of her, mesmerized by it. Again, a small wording change is possible here. Mesmerized, she watched as her heart light floated in front of her.




Overall impressions:  A beautiful story of a dream,or was it a dream at all?



Sum1





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .