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Given: Jul 16, 2013 at 10:21am
Length: 1,154 Characters |
923 w/o WritingML
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Hi Sara Kate ,
Happy Birthday from WDC and SAJ
The Heart of the Story/Poem: A young adult looking in retrospect at their childhood.
Things That Might Make It Better: I suggest that you change the blurb from, passed away the day I turned 18, to something more mysterious. I think it may draw more readers into your piece. I think it may lead readers to believe it is about death, unless that is what you intended.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: NONE
Things I Like: I like the voice you gave to childhood. The voice was as if she/he is a person. The lesson learned and and the regrets are real and relate-able. You have expressed well the frustration, conflict and transition from a young teenager to a young adult.
You are a great writer and I suggest you keep writing. Thank you for allowing me to read and review your work.
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