Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


Initial hook: Hey Elle, I'm here with a review of this piece as part of "The Kiwi Review Challenge! - closed" . It's an interesting title and description that left me wanting to know what was going on. I think the title sat well with me because it struck me as quite a slang term - I know it's certainly something I would here in my part of the world here.

Storyline: Well this was a really interesting piece. It kept me hooked right from the beginning and ended with a twist I didn't see coming. I liked that. It made it original in my eyes and completely changed the tone from very dark and sinister to quite light and hopeful.

You have an interesting narrative voice within this which has the reader getting to know the person telling the story and seeing things through their point of view. It works well. It's a strong voice that grips the reader and leaves them wanting to know what's going on. I also think that's a lot to do with the tension you invoke throughout as the reader is on the edge of their seat. I know I for one expected some sort of fight or attempt on his life.

This short story is written in the first person point of view which helps the reader connect with the narrator and feel closer to the story.

The ending of this piece did leave me hanging a little and while I enjoyed that to a degree, I certainly think you could move this story forward and lengthen it if you chose. It left me wondering who the text was from and how they had known that it would be dangerous to stay there.

Characters: The main character here is the narrator. I'm not sure if it's male or female (though I presume male) and we know he's a bit older now since his first visit was made when he was 15 and he seems somewhat more mature. WE also know he's a guy who takes risks. After all, he received a text from an anonymous number, one that could have been perceived as quite threatening, and he chose to go and follow the instructions anyway. Brave or stupid? Or maybe just full of pride! I think for such a short piece this amount of characterisation was fine.

Setting: This takes place at Hannigan's pub. It sounds Irish (is it?) That's certainly how I picture it! You set the scene brilliantly throughout really painting a picture of the dull and dingy place through the senses. I particularly liked the sense of smell descriptions you used.

Atmosphere/tone: As I said, this piece went from being quite dark and sinister with a feeling akin to a fight coming on or even death (very tense) to knowing that he had narrowly escaped death by fire in his home. It did leave me asking who told him and why but then, it also works well left open.




I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .